What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

*Anya* · 12-06-2016, 08:47 PM

Demonstrating:

1. Cruelty

2. Narcissism

3. Lack of empathy (see number 2)

4. Zero insight into self

Ok, 4 but I could keep on going

*Anya* · 12-06-2016, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Demonstrating:

1. Cruelty

2. Narcissism

3. Lack of empathy (see number 2)

4. Zero insight into self

Ok, 4 but I could keep on going

I should have specified: NOT demonstrating those negative character or personality traits (or disorders).

VintageFemme · 01-03-2017, 06:10 AM

Honesty
Loyalty
Compatible sense of humor

Everything else is negotiable.

Amulette · 01-08-2017, 01:41 AM

Chemistry creating that feeling of *please* come closer. (The healthy kind)
Devotion, passionately, heart to heart. We *love* our love.
Very loving and expressive, prone to impromptu acts of passion.
I adore purity of heart, and kind, honest expression.
Open-mindedness, free thinker, global spirit, adventurous.
Embodies finesse, a grace of spirit.

Someone who bothers to live an interesting life, unapologetically interesting.Then comes home and shares.

pumpndude · 01-13-2017, 09:42 PM

For Me;

I have to be attracted to the lady and extremely attracted in what they have to offer from the heart...
Be honest, loving, caring, trusting and are really good in the bedroom...

turn off- they get jealous , there not a whole person, glass is half empty or half full...when I'm in a relationship I only have eyes for that femme....I don't get jealous, that's me..

If there is no trust in a relationship then there is no relationship....

They can't sit down and talk about what's bothering them...instead they give you the silent treatment or yell for no reason....not ok !!

gotoseagrl · 01-13-2017, 11:40 PM

I can't stick to only 3 either. If only I knew these things before learning them the hard way.

1) Consistency - continue being the person portrayed while getting to know each other. Some things will change after the "honeymoon" period, but the person shouldn't. I don't understand this because I, myself, don't know how to be anything other than what I really am, always ... not just while falling in love. Example ... I don't stop wanting to express my love or feelings. I don't stop pursuing common interests or passions.

2) Honesty

3) Core values and beliefs must be in sync. Not everything about two people will be the same, but I can't survive major clashing differences such as how we view life, in general, relationships, health and how we want to live. Our major differences either have to be complimentary or able to co-exist peacefully. Or else.

4) Common interests - Just a few ordinary ones won't cut it. I am passionate and contemplative about too many things that I need to have in my life that I get along best with someone who actively shares at least some of the major interests I have. Last year I discovered a very enlightening project that helped me narrow everything down to four core things I cannot live without.

5) Be humble. I am humble and old-fashioned, and I can't get along with chaos, arrogance, obsession with material things, total selfishness and anything else that goes against being humble and in tune with what I believe life should be about.

6) Sense of humor - laughter is one simple thing that keeps me going.

7) Love - know the difference between real, mature love and selfish, unhealthy "love" where you mostly love the person because of some one-sided void they fill and what they give you ... instead of for who they are and how well you go together.

knight · 01-14-2017, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gotoseagrl

I can't stick to only 3 either. If only I knew these things before learning them the hard way.

1) Consistency - continue being the person portrayed while getting to know each other. Some things will change after the "honeymoon" period, but the person shouldn't. I don't understand this because I, myself, don't know how to be anything other than what I really am, always ... not just while falling in love. Example ... I don't stop wanting to express my love or feelings. I don't stop pursuing common interests or passions.

2) Honesty

3) Core values and beliefs must be in sync. Not everything about two people will be the same, but I can't survive major clashing differences such as how we view life, in general, relationships, health and how we want to live. Our major differences either have to be complimentary or able to co-exist peacefully. Or else.

4) Common interests - Just a few ordinary ones won't cut it. I am passionate and contemplative about too many things that I need to have in my life that I get along best with someone who actively shares at least some of the major interests I have. Last year I discovered a very enlightening project that helped me narrow everything down to four core things I cannot live without.

5) Be humble. I am humble and old-fashioned, and I can't get along with chaos, arrogance, obsession with material things, total selfishness and anything else that goes against being humble and in tune with what I believe life should be about.

6) Sense of humor - laughter is one simple thing that keeps me going.

7) Love - know the difference between real, mature love and selfish, unhealthy "love" where you mostly love the person because of some one-sided void they fill and what they give you ... instead of for who they are and how well you go together.

thank you for your thoughts... very well said.

kittygrrl · 05-01-2018, 10:56 PM

(in every context)kind
foresight
passionate

cathexis · 05-02-2018, 12:42 AM

True to Heart (physical a non-issue)
Open minded, hearted
Experimental in all things

deeds · 01-15-2017, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amulette

Chemistry creating that feeling of *please* come closer. (The healthy kind)
Devotion, passionately, heart to heart. We *love* our love.
Very loving and expressive, prone to impromptu acts of passion.
I adore purity of heart, and kind, honest expression.
Open-mindedness, free thinker, global spirit, adventurous.
Embodies finesse, a grace of spirit.

Someone who bothers to live an interesting life, unapologetically interesting.Then comes home and shares.

Ahh.You are sweet..
I would like to apply for this position

Chad · 01-15-2017, 11:41 PM

Mine are always the same,
No cheating
No lies
No drugs

I actually have more but it said three.

nanners · 08-14-2017, 07:22 PM

1. Integrity
2. Honesty
3. Good communication skills
4. Self supporting and employed
5. Compassion for others
6. Must love cats!

OK, I went above 3 too...but they are very important to me and if I ever date anyone again these things must be true of that person.

12-06-2016, 08:47 PM	#1
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,455 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Demonstrating: 1. Cruelty 2. Narcissism 3. Lack of empathy (see number 2) 4. Zero insight into self Ok, 4 but I could keep on going __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

01-03-2017, 06:10 AM	#3
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Honesty Loyalty Compatible sense of humor Everything else is negotiable. __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

01-08-2017, 01:41 AM	#4
Amulette Member How Do You Identify?: Ma chérie, a sweet thing. Preferred Pronoun?: feminine Relationship Status: Following the scent of flowers. Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: La vie bohem Posts: 489 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 544 Thanked 796 Times in 232 Posts Rep Power: 0	Non negotional desires: the basics Chemistry creating that feeling of please come closer. (The healthy kind) Devotion, passionately, heart to heart. We love our love. Very loving and expressive, prone to impromptu acts of passion. I adore purity of heart, and kind, honest expression. Open-mindedness, free thinker, global spirit, adventurous. Embodies finesse, a grace of spirit. Someone who bothers to live an interesting life, unapologetically interesting.Then comes home and shares.

01-13-2017, 09:42 PM	#5
pumpndude Member How Do You Identify?: Good Guy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: Sonora, CA Posts: 108 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3 Thanked 211 Times in 70 Posts Rep Power: 1503251	For Me; I have to be attracted to the lady and extremely attracted in what they have to offer from the heart... Be honest, loving, caring, trusting and are really good in the bedroom... turn off- they get jealous , there not a whole person, glass is half empty or half full...when I'm in a relationship I only have eyes for that femme....I don't get jealous, that's me.. If there is no trust in a relationship then there is no relationship.... They can't sit down and talk about what's bothering them...instead they give you the silent treatment or yell for no reason....not ok !! __________________ Everything Ending Is Also A Beginning We Just Don't Know It At The Time

01-13-2017, 11:40 PM	#6
gotoseagrl Senior Member How Do You Identify?: old-fashioned queer stone submissive girl Preferred Pronoun?: mermaid, very lucky babygirl Relationship Status: Saltwater mermaid ♡ Join Date: May 2010 Location: CA Posts: 2,209 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,192 Thanked 6,103 Times in 1,727 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I can't stick to only 3 either. If only I knew these things before learning them the hard way. 1) Consistency - continue being the person portrayed while getting to know each other. Some things will change after the "honeymoon" period, but the person shouldn't. I don't understand this because I, myself, don't know how to be anything other than what I really am, always ... not just while falling in love. Example ... I don't stop wanting to express my love or feelings. I don't stop pursuing common interests or passions. 2) Honesty 3) Core values and beliefs must be in sync. Not everything about two people will be the same, but I can't survive major clashing differences such as how we view life, in general, relationships, health and how we want to live. Our major differences either have to be complimentary or able to co-exist peacefully. Or else. 4) Common interests - Just a few ordinary ones won't cut it. I am passionate and contemplative about too many things that I need to have in my life that I get along best with someone who actively shares at least some of the major interests I have. Last year I discovered a very enlightening project that helped me narrow everything down to four core things I cannot live without. 5) Be humble. I am humble and old-fashioned, and I can't get along with chaos, arrogance, obsession with material things, total selfishness and anything else that goes against being humble and in tune with what I believe life should be about. 6) Sense of humor - laughter is one simple thing that keeps me going. 7) Love - know the difference between real, mature love and selfish, unhealthy "love" where you mostly love the person because of some one-sided void they fill and what they give you ... instead of for who they are and how well you go together. __________________ Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot. D. H. Lawrence

05-01-2018, 10:56 PM	#8
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: just for fun Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,399 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,604 Thanked 21,978 Times in 7,093 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	(in every context)kind foresight passionate __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

05-02-2018, 12:42 AM	#9
cathexis Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Trotskyist, Anarcho-syndicalist Preferred Pronoun?: They, Them, Their, Sir Bitch Relationship Status: open Join Date: Sep 2016 Location: Great White North! Posts: 4,332 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,812 Thanked 4,706 Times in 1,604 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	True to Heart (physical a non-issue) Open minded, hearted Experimental in all things

01-15-2017, 11:41 PM	#11
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Non-negotiables Mine are always the same, No cheating No lies No drugs I actually have more but it said three.

08-14-2017, 07:22 PM	#12
nanners Member How Do You Identify?: her femme Preferred Pronoun?: girl Relationship Status: Blissfully married to the love of my life. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: MS Posts: 1,159 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,450 Thanked 4,899 Times in 1,096 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	1. Integrity 2. Honesty 3. Good communication skills 4. Self supporting and employed 5. Compassion for others 6. Must love cats! OK, I went above 3 too...but they are very important to me and if I ever date anyone again these things must be true of that person.