The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[Femmewench]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I was thinking of this last night while I was awake at 3am...

I see a masculine leaning woman, and I wonder if she is gay. I see a feminine leaning woman and I NEVER wonder if she is gay. Is that because I am only attracted to butches and transmen, or is it because I am conditioned to see gender in only two ways? In my head, are people EITHER male or female without shades of gray?

Omg I never thought I had such a narrow view of gender. Maybe this is why the general public misses us (femmes), even if we drape ourselves in rainbows?

I think we have the same problem butches do in identifying femmes at a glance. It's got nothing to do with gender for me. If she's a femme attracted to femmes and she were to be attracted to me, I'd make the gay id were I aware of her attraction. Or if she's a femme attracted to androgynous or butch folks, I'd make the gay id. Without some context, I'm lost.

And when I see a masculine leaning woman, I assume she's gay. I just operate on, until I learn otherwise, she's gay. It makes me happy. And I reread that and realized that's what straight people do; until they learn otherwise, they assume all femmes are straight. I'm making my own head hurt.

I'm never going to be perfect and do the best I can. I hope I overlook no one, but I do think we need a secret symbol of some kind that's not rainbow. Rainbow clashes with a lot of my clothes. <g>