What is Forgiveness?

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Completely understand. And ultimately agree. It was a revelation to have a counselour tell me "you don't need to forgive someone to heal." I let go of so much stuff when I learned that. And I think I did actually really start getting better knowing I didn't have to forgive. That my anger was something that wouldn't harm me and was valid and wasn't poison.

I learned that all my emotions were valid and healthy and there for a reason. That forgiveness is what is needed in order to have continuing relationships with people. I agree with that. But acceptance is all I need to have if I no longer want one.

That was the turning point for me too, learning that my emotions, feelings, and thoughts, were valid responses, that I didn't need to forgive someone in order to heal. I think that is wonderful that a counselor advised you in that way.

I think what led me to the same realization, the slow process of coming to a similar understanding as you, was through the many people who have been in my life over the years; the way they have nurtured me throughout my own process of coming to a place where I can release and let go (which, in my mind, is not the same as the concept of forgiveness) and know that I can make choices that will help me in my own life.

I think it's an important discovery to know that we don't need to forgive in order to heal. Thank you for articulating that insight.

[girl_dee]

I just read about a way to reframe forgiveness so that its easier to move on.

"Forgiveness is accepting that the outcome could be anything different"


I need to work on this.

[Deborah*]

Originally Posted by BarbaraRyan

I think it's about choice, empowerment, and moving forward. It's the part in the process where we can stand up, acknowledge what's happened, and how it's affected us. Then, we choose to say "Okay, I can forgive that - now it's time for me to make my life and to no longer let the event or person have any control."

And it's easier said than done.

Amen to that. I agree with what you said. Now, if I can only follow this about my stepmother.

Deborah

[Deborah*]

Originally Posted by homoe

I CAN forgive but I will NEVER forget! I mean we study history so we don't make the same mistakes twice right?

Yes, especially when you're jewish like me. The war.

Deborah

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

I just read about a way to reframe forgiveness so that its easier to move on.

"Forgiveness is accepting that the outcome could be anything different"


I need to work on this.

Still working on this. Need to try harder