Butches and bindings and breasts, oh my

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Femminator

I am sharing my story because that whole "top surgery is mutilation" thing really set my teeth on edge.

Yes I like Butch breasts, but I am not a breast woman and have always liked Butches who are smaller busted and have not minded if they bind.

I fell in love and was blessed to have married the Butch of my dreams. We have been together over 13 years now. They have never been thrilled with their breasts, but pretty much ignored them. However, I began to notice that they were becoming more and more dysphoric about their breasts, and so it was not a shock that they came to me one day and said they had some figuring out to do about their gender presentation.(my exact words were 'well, go figure it out and let me know, I'm not going anywhere') and so for the last few years we have been on a journey as a couple through therapy and them determining who they are and how they want to present.

We have been binding for over a year and they have gotten more dysphoric with their binder off, as time has gone on to the point they are actually anxious about it. I seriously have a love/hate relationship with those damn binders, they are anxious without it, and miserable and hot with them on under layers of clothing in an effort to hide their breasts. Finally I lost it this Fall and said "Look, take some of our savings, and get top surgery, I can't stand watching you be miserable any longer." So, that is what we are doing. After the initial consult and set up of the appointment, the change that has overcome my Butch is amazing. They are more loving, sexual and assured that their pain will be soon ending. That steps to make the outside match how they feel on the inside are happening.

We ALL change how we look to be who we see ourselves as. Femmes wear makeup, people gauge their ears, people reduce or increase their breasts, they get tummy tucks and rhinoplastys. They shoot Botulism into their faces to get rid of wrinkles, and they inject collegen into lips and cheeks to make them full and plush. People who talk about top surgery as mutilation, that is a very myoptic view of something that is being done for emotional and mental well being, not just to look better for what society perceives as 'pretty' or 'sexy'. If anything it is MORE important than all that.

Just a FYI, if your partner's insurance does not have trans health benefits, they do have the option to fight for coverage for this surgery. Michigan is a state that does not allow private insurance or Medicaid to EXCLUDE trans health care in their benefits.

https://transequality.org/issues/res...nsurance-rules

[Femminator]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Just a FYI, if your partner's insurance does not have trans health benefits, they do have the option to fight for coverage for this surgery. Michigan is a state that does not allow private insurance or Medicaid to EXCLUDE trans health care in their benefits.

https://transequality.org/issues/res...nsurance-rules

Thank you. We simply had a terrible time finding a good top surgeon who takes insurance near us. By the time we travel out of state, to find a Doc who takes insurance, we will have to stay a week to get a recheck, so the cost of hotels, travel and food.. etc and so on...it is actually just cheaper for us to pay up front. Wish we loved somewhere that had more options nearby.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Femminator

Thank you. We simply had a terrible time finding a good top surgeon who takes insurance near us. By the time we travel out of state, to find a Doc who takes insurance, we will have to stay a week to get a recheck, so the cost of hotels, travel and food.. etc and so on...it is actually just cheaper for us to pay up front. Wish we loved somewhere that had more options nearby.

Yes, unfortunately, a lot of the good top surgeons don't take insurance. Good luck to your partner. They are lucky to have you.

[cathexis]

Originally Posted by Femminator

Thank you. We simply had a terrible time finding a good top surgeon who takes insurance near us. By the time we travel out of state, to find a Doc who takes insurance, we will have to stay a week to get a recheck, so the cost of hotels, travel and food.. etc and so on...it is actually just cheaper for us to pay up front. Wish we loved somewhere that had more options nearby.

Know how you feel about going an out of state surgeon. I've gone to VT round trip once now I have another appointment for a follow-up (why I don't know why whatever couldn't have been done the first visit), then the top surgery and immediate post-op follow up. How long will that last? I am a SICU RN, and know how to pull a drain. I just won't know at what point he will want it pulled. Can't really afford to spend a week at a motel or hostel (if I can find one).

Wonder how many office visits before the surgery. It costs me $100 a pop for each trip, and the driver is iffy. Like I have an appt. at the end of the month, and she still hasn't given me an answer as to whether or not she can take me. It's 2 hrs. away so I can't just get a ride at the drop of a hat. Not only do I have to worry about the appt. but how I'm going to get there. and what's going to happen after surgery. I have 2 cats to worry about, too. My Partner won't just leave me in Burlington, and go back home to care for the cats. I know Her.

Dapper, what usually happens from this point? Do I have the surgery on the appt. after this one? How long will I need to hang around Burlington? It takes how long until the drains come out...the sutures? How much pain should I be in? Do I need pain meds.? I'm a little scared right now. Please! Oh, and by the way you were right about GQ, just not talking about it with anyone, yet.
cathexis

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Know how you feel about going an out of state surgeon. I've gone to VT round trip once now I have another appointment for a follow-up (why I don't know why whatever couldn't have been done the first visit), then the top surgery and immediate post-op follow up. How long will that last? I am a SICU RN, and know how to pull a drain. I just won't know at what point he will want it pulled. Can't really afford to spend a week at a motel or hostel (if I can find one).

Wonder how many office visits before the surgery. It costs me $100 a pop for each trip, and the driver is iffy. Like I have an appt. at the end of the month, and she still hasn't given me an answer as to whether or not she can take me. It's 2 hrs. away so I can't just get a ride at the drop of a hat. Not only do I have to worry about the appt. but how I'm going to get there. and what's going to happen after surgery. I have 2 cats to worry about, too. My Partner won't just leave me in Burlington, and go back home to care for the cats. I know Her.

Dapper, what usually happens from this point? Do I have the surgery on the appt. after this one? How long will I need to hang around Burlington? It takes how long until the drains come out...the sutures? How much pain should I be in? Do I need pain meds.? I'm a little scared right now. Please! Oh, and by the way you were right about GQ, just not talking about it with anyone, yet.
cathexis

Hey, Bud. I don't know if your surgeon will schedule your surgery after this appointment.
I have never heard of a surgeon asking for a second appointment, so I have no idea. We have already talked about this guy, though. You know my concerns.

I was right about GQ? What does GQ mean?

The surgeon may not use drains. If they do, yes they pull them at 7 days post op. Most surgeons expect people to stay in the area for a week. However, if you are only two hours away, maybe you can just stay one night and then go home the day after. Then just travel back for the post op appt. I strongly recommend you stay at least one night.

You can see if you can get this surgeon to let your PCP pull your drains, but I can't imagine a surgeon being ok with not having any post op appointments.

They use dissolvable sutures.

Some people have a lot of pain, some don't. I do not have a high pain tolerance (when looking at other surgeries), yet I only took pain meds for the first few days (don't remember how many days, exactly), and then went to Tylenol. I assume your surgeon will prescribe you pain meds.

[Femminator]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Hey, Bud. I don't know if your surgeon will schedule your surgery after this appointment.
I have never heard of a surgeon asking for a second appointment, so I have no idea. We have already talked about this guy, though. You know my concerns.

I was right about GQ? What does GQ mean?

The surgeon may not use drains. If they do, yes they pull them at 7 days post op. Most surgeons expect people to stay in the area for a week. However, if you are only two hours away, maybe you can just stay one night and then go home the day after. Then just travel back for the post op appt. I strongly recommend you stay at least one night.

You can see if you can get this surgeon to let your PCP pull your drains, but I can't imagine a surgeon being ok with not having any post op appointments.

They use dissolvable sutures.

Some people have a lot of pain, some don't. I do not have a high pain tolerance (when looking at other surgeries), yet I only took pain meds for the first few days (don't remember how many days, exactly), and then went to Tylenol. I assume your surgeon will prescribe you pain meds.

Every surgeon does this differently.

Ours is about 3 hours away and he said we could do he re opt check(other than vitals the day of)in over the computer, that he does that for his clients that live more than 1.5 hours away. He did want us to stay overnight in a hotel and not drive back the same day. He does not use drains so that is not an issue either. We have to come back a week later for the post op checkup.