Ask a trans person!

[StephanieAlexis]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Steph, I am with you on your answer to your question, but however I am still unclear as how as members of the community, that we can get other members to actually call us what we prefer.

Hiya! Really good point you make! Personally I think we should hold other members of this community to the same level of expectation and respect as we do those outside this community.
Would I have some hesitancy in asking another woman of transsexual experience not to call me a tranny? Sure - I do not want to seem like the language police, challenging another's identifiers - but I would ask her anyway.

[Ursy]

Originally Posted by StephanieAlexis

Urs, thank you for this!. "Standard issue" is a new term for me!

This post, and a couple of others, have made me think of language and lexicon regarding the trans-community. My experience has been if you get ten individuals who are trans you will come up with twenty different self-identifying terms. Sometimes this leads to further information; sometimes this leads to quarrels. ("I am not a tranny!" "Well, I am!")

My experience has been that this is not something new. I have heard this discussion blossom up in the middle of many different groups, whether socially, politically or even ethnically identified. For instance, which is more proper, dyke or lesbian? Queer or gay? Homosexual or same-sex?

Here is my question: Should there be any one standard of words/phrases used to identify people of transgender experiences and their lives?

My initial reaction is, oh hell, no! We are individuals and to some extent so are our experiences, and our language should reflect that. But then the activist in me says, well, yes, that's very p.c. but does having such a varied vocabulary help or hinder the community and its message on a more macro (local/state/federal) level? let me be the first to say, to that question I have no clear response.

I agree! I think we should all be free to define our own brand of "femmeness", "butchness", "trans-ness" (and the list goes on). Why should we insist that because one term works for me, that it should apply to the next femme/butch/trans person?

I think any term in itself is not the issue - it's the attitude with which it is used. A standardised vocabulary means absolutely nothing if the person who is using it is disrespectful or dismissive about it. Conversely, I can always forgive a person who has good intentions but who may not be using the most politically correct term. Maybe they just don't have the educational background to know any different.

[bigbutchmistie]

Hello all. I am posting here because I recently realized that I am trans. Its weird this body that I have. And I dont know how to quite identify. Everything is still so new to me. Do you identify as FTM without having the surgery? Do you identify as trans? Or the same butch label I have called myself for so long. Anyone who wants to PM me and help me out would be greatly appreciated. Hugs around to all you guys.

[Linus]

Hey BBM and welcome to the thread. How one identifies is entirely personal decision. What made you realize that you are trans? And trans could mean either transsexual or transgender. Are you going to medically transition? Do you intend on having surgery or are holding off?

There is no right or wrong answer to each of these but it's more something you have to address with yourself.

For me personally, I did an identity transition from butch --> transgender/genderqueer --> transguy/FTM. I haven't had surgery yet (although really want top surgery) but have been on T for over a year now.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think how one id's is personal, I agree Linus. It comes from your soul. It doesn't come from between your legs as Chaz Bono stated in one of his interviews.

I had the surgeries to complete myself (mind, body, spirit). The only one left is my top surgery to correct the first one done. My surgeries all were cash. That is the one thing I wish would be covered by insurance. Going under general anesth. is not easy. In fact, it really makes me sick, and hard to wake up from. But I would love to feel the wind blowing on my chest while I am wearing swim trunks at the beach. It would be all at once. *Deep sigh.

I believe that there are always going to be those in our own glbt community who will put down those of us who are ftm/mtf. I have witnessed it firsthand. I think it sucks. Has anyone else witnessed this?

[Jet]

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. [I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

[Linus]

[I]A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

A few thoughts about your friend. I don't think that's true. That assumes that all people transitioning were dating "same sex" before and after. I know of a few trans guys who were dating men before and after, some who are bi, some who fit the stereotype of "flaming" (they wear more makeup than I ever did in my whole life), etc. It sounds like your friend is confusing sexual orientation with gender identity (they are separate but some blur it a bit).

Most therapists that approve of medical transition do so because it helps the person's self identity (ego or is it id?). That ability to align my inner mental view with the external shine-and-glossy view. My sexual orientation is separate from those views and do not define my self-identifying view. (if that makes sense -- I think I just confused myself!)

As for paying a high price for transitioning, it does happen. We cannot escape or ignore that. But it isn't the only reaction. I've been lucky. I started transitioning at age 37 and most of my family is/has been supportive. There are elements of family that I don't hear from but then again, I never really heard from them before so it's really no different. I've been lucky with work and my colleagues are overly supportive.

Now, if I could just get the gov't agencies to play along.. life would be grand but I don't want to take away too much of their ability to muck about in the red tape land.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

I debated on posting this, but I've decided to since I'm going to embark on T in the coming months.

First, this post is for sharing experiences only. It is NOT to challenge anyone, or to start any kind of debate. I'm just putting this out here; if you want to respond fine, if not, okay.

Couple of nights ago, I spoke to a therapist who is a fully transitioned FTM. We discussed therapy and the transition process among other things, one of which was...the absolute hell....he went through in losing so much by transitioning including most of his therapy clientele. He said it definitely had its price and he was emphatic about therapy, being very prepared, and having a solid support system.

He didn't transition until he was 50, which is my case as well at 53. After our conversation, I gave this some thought and its obvious to me that age or being seasoned with life experiences doesn't make transitioning any easier to go through. Yet, I see people in this subculture on T in droves. I'm amazed at how many people are going through this in their 20s and early 30s! And because it's life altering, I would think it would be a load to handle for someone so young who is apt to lose their family, job, friends or creating a crisis with a ripple effect.

I look at transitioning as life changing. I'm 53 with a lot of "life experiences" and I still believe its going to be very hard for me. That's why it baffles me to see transitioning or gender reassignment among people who are as young as their 20s. A friend of mine once said she thought the reason that younger people are transitioning at the rate and the age they are is because, and (brace yourself for this) they can't accept being gay. Is that even plausible? And what kind of therapist would approve of their hormone therapy or reassignment? Without any firm answers, I personally am not sure I agree.

On the note of acceptance, Atlanta is an international city with about 5-7 million people. You would think it would be a more progressive and embrace diversity of this kind, even with Southern Comfort and so on. But I don't see it that way at all; case in point, the therapist last night and 2 other transgendered folks who have had a time of it here. And I lost 3 friends here who were gay men and didn't want me around because I was transgendered. It's one thing not be accepted in a city this size and quite another to be unacceptable in the LGBT community.

I'm not suggesting that paying a high price for transitioning is the rule. What may be really difficult for some, maybe isn't for others. So I would like to know about the road less traveled from folks who have transitioned and the prices paid emotionally, physically and/or monetarily if you want to share. Or ...the flip side which is a great journey full of support and personal fullfillment for you.

Thanks in advance for your answers and for sharing you're thoughts and/or your experiences.

As you all know, I am not yet transitioned but I also plan to start that in a few months. I suppose I am not as fearful about losing friends and family. Perhaps I am naive about this. I live in California, and just an hour outside of the San Francisco Bay Area. I grew up in the Bay Area which is comparably very liberal with respect to the rest of the country. That aside, my folks are very supportive of me, and other family members as well. The christian conservatives on my mother's side of the family actually like my being trans as opposed to being gay because they think gay is the greater of the 2 evils. (*rolls his eyes* whatever.)

I am not working at the moment as I am on disability, so transitioning while having a job isn't an issue. I guess my biggest fear is the reaction of the Queer community, and whether I will be welcomed and acknowledged as a queer person after transition. The worst kind of discrimination is the kind that comes from within your own community. I consider the queer community to be my home.

It is tragic when gay people or anyone for that matter speculate that the only reason you want to transition is not to be viewed by others as gay. That is simply ignorant and disrespectful. I hope no one says that to me. For some reason I don't anticipate it. Anyhow, Jet I wish you well on your journey.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think it is ashame that anyone would want to endure what we go thru to be accepted. I just cannot imagine. And I agree with you Atomic. The queer community is pretty harsh.

[theoddz]

I'm going to throw my couple of coins in to say something about what I PERSONALLY have heard/experienced on the acceptance issue of gay vs. trans point.

I have been told by more than one coworker/acquaintance that they could more readily accept the trans person than they could the homosexual person. One person who actually said this to me (yep, to my face, bless 'em!!) was of the "very religious" sort.....read "Bible Thumper". Both of these 2 people who told me this on 2 separate occasions, knew me prior to my gender transition, and I've noticed a definite difference in the way they treat me now, since my outward appearance and presence is now irrefutably male.

I did ask one of these people why that was and she (my religious coworker, whom I am also good friends with) told me that her interpretation/beliefs of Biblical scripture specifically condemn homosexuality, but she could, however, "wrap her mind around" transexualism because she didn't view that "disorder" as a "choice". She looks at it as a "birth defect" and "correctable" by medical means. Homosexuality, on the other hand, IN HER MIND, was something "a person could choose to change". I think that what she was probably insinuating, was that transexualism was not a "choice", but homosexuality was. I truly adore my coworker, but I soooooo disagreed with her on sooooo many levels. Her attitudes go waaaay back to her upbringing and her religious background (7th Day Adventist), and that issue is very complicated and contradictory, because she has had a horribly difficult life. She has always accepted me, even before my transition, and she is one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. I think she is gradually changing some of her views, simply from the fact that she has known me and she and I have worked together and been friends before, during and after my transition. I guess we're all continuously learning and that's what gives me hope.

The other person/acquaintance who said, in so many words, the same thing to me about more easily accepting transexualism better than homosexuality is an ass, period. I don't waste my time trying to explain anything to them about this or any other thing, as a matter of fact.

Just my .02 on that.

~Theo~

[Jet]

I'm sitting intently reading and smiling, sometimes chuckling at your responses. You guys are priceless.

I'm going to add some experiences and fears a bit later; I'd like to see who else is going to respond first.

Thanks bros for responding.

[violaine]

hi. when i lived in new england, i met a family while sitting on some steps downtown in a small western massachusetts town. their child, a little boy around 9 years of age, had been miserable in life before they all went into therapy. his family said that he was insisting all of the time that he was "supposed to be a boy". he knew. very early on. gaining acceptance in his clothing choices, toys, activities, pronoun preference, and so on made all the difference for him to flourish. the parents too when they realised fighting their son was not the answer.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by violaine

hi. when i lived in new england, i met a family while sitting on some steps downtown in a small western massachusetts town. their child, a little boy around 9 years of age, had been miserable in life before they all went into therapy. his family said that he was insisting all of the time that he was "supposed to be a boy". he knew. very early on. gaining acceptance in his clothing choices, toys, activities, pronoun preference, and so on made all the difference for him to flourish. the parents too.

Belle, I knew around 4 or 5. I hated girl things especially those g*ddamn anklets and patten leather shoes....lololol

BTW, those anklets always slipped into my shoes in the back and I'd scooch em back up with my other foot. It made playing baseball fucking miserable.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Just dropping by to say hello!

[Linus]

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..

[weatherboi]

Originally Posted by Linus

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..

I have not started T yet. I am just reading ALOT. I have read this experince by other people during my search for info. I was initially interested in this experince after reading an article about a guy that felt he had lost all touch with his emotional side once he trasitioned. He felt desensitized and was wondering if it was the experince of the T or if this was how most bio men experinced life. Interesting thought, Thanks Linus!!

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Linus

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..

...not the case for me. I'm still a big ol' crybaby!!!!

[Dylan]

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

Which brings me to another subject: roid rage

'Roid rage is caused by steroids, not testosterone (what you'll be taking). Roid rage is something that happens in the body building community by morons who don't monitor usage. They (usually) don't have a prescription, they buy their steroids over the internet (usually), and a whole slew of other things.

T doesn't cause rages. Depending on the frequency of your shot, your hormones will dip up and down...which will cause some edginess towards the end of your shot period (if you're on a 14day cycle...which is what most people start out on). This can be 'dealt with' by doing half a dose once a week, or by doing a ten day cycle. Your doctor can tell you why your hormones get out of balance in 14 days, or maybe someone here will go into it. You WILL have to figure out how to deal with the two hormones in your body towards the end of your cycle if you stay on a 14day cycle.

Here's the thing about the "T-rage" myth. It's a myth. People want to act like the only people who deal with hormone imbalances are transguys. Fact is, birth control is a hormone, most menopausal women are on hormones, older guys are on hormones, etc. Everybody gets wiggy when their hormones are changing. You'll probably find T actually calms you down (most guys do).


Don't Have Time For More Detail Right Now, Mama Wants Me To Go To Walgreens For Her,
Dylan

[TCB]

Originally Posted by Linus

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..

T has not affected my emotions in the slightest. I don't cry any less and I'm not affected by things any less. I think overall it's made me more "mellow" so to speak. As thinker said, I'm still a "Big 'ol baby"

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Linus

So I was curious about something: have other guys on T noticed that they are able to cry less? It's something I've noticed more in the last 3-6 months where when seeing an ad by the Humane Society pings me a little but doesn't bring me to near bawling like it used to. It's actually starting to annoy me a bit as there are times when I wouldn't mind a simple cry but cannot. It's like my ability to express emotions has shut down..

Just checking in a bit. I have missed you guys and posting. I have been on T for 18 months now and I still cry. I am a sap for all the holiday music and movies.