Caregivers and Stress

[Chad]

I am headed to New Orleans for a week with my colleagues and my work wife (thanks easygoing for the terminology). The construction crew will be here and I asked my cousin to check in on mom. Mom has learned how to care for the kitties so that is a big help.

I am hoping that everything goes well.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I knew mum had dementia years ago but getting people to believe me was another issue.
She has been in and out of the hospital since I graduated my board exams, dementia worsening, living on her own.
She finally almost died beginning of May - I was told to rush to hospital and say goodbye - she had been forgetting to give herself insulin as a type 1 (most serious, born with) diabetic. She didn't die. But it caused more brain damage.

So she's been on a locked ward waiting to be placed in a care home through our provincial health care system. Which I am very grateful for - they take 80% of her earnings, no matter what they are, and she keeps the rest.

Today I got a phone call there is a bed, in our city of choice, in our borough of choice (VERY lucky), in a semi private room, with "cat company", there are two huge fish tanks, no locked ward but a locked building so she has 3 floors to wander around. A movie lounge, a dinning room, a cafe, a hair dresser that comes once a week, massage therapy students once a week (I was one of them once so I know the place well).

She gets more of her things than most places, and they want it to be as home-like as possible so they encourage people to bring paintings.

At the same time I have put the house on the market (it sold in 2 days), Packing like *MAD* on my own with a small amount of help from dad (divorced from mum 25 years).

I just signed a contract with an auctioneers who will come to the house and sell everything that isn't packed and put away - takes 12 days.

I have to make sure everything is as they require so that's two more days working my arse off with no break.

I've also been told I need to take 24 more hours course credit by end of Sept for my RMT license as this is a new thing they are making all of us do.
Its on line but FUCKIN NOW? REALLY? ok...

The new seller has in contract mums stuff has to be out by the 20th.

I need to get mums stuff we put aside to her new place in the next few days as she's being moved tomorrow. I was told **this morning**.

My step mum is freaking shit because dad is storing a few things there for a few weeks - so I have to find a storage place pronto and sign a contract with them.

SO fucking glad I have Power of Attorney and I pushed that a few weeks ago!!

My brother is on the other side of Canada going "I don't want anything, don't bloody send it to *me*."

I want everything to be over by Oct 1st. Really, really. And because I got mum's place in a bidding war, and actually showed it to people I really really hope she remembers me (if she can) with the "over asking" price so I can take some time off work and fucking expire for a week.

I've already lost time and thus funds from work doing all of this.

My own apt is a sty because there is no time to clean any of it, or cook. My cat hates me.

And I'm venting on line instead of doing my school work.

[JDeere]

Dad is officially an amputee. They removed his right leg, up to his knee about an hour ago. His foot was healing but he fell and broke his leg in 2 places the other night, i had to call 911 so mom could help him try to remain calm. He will be in the hospital probably 2 to 3 weeks then sent to rehab hospital till he is well enough to come home, if he can.

Our current home is not equipped to care for him right now, its up in the air as to whether we make it handicapped accessible or sell the house to move into a place more helpful or the folks go into a retirement community and i go on my way. Dad cant work so he said hes retiring, hes a bad diabetic with heart disease, thyroid problems, high blood pressure, etc etc.

Im trying to take this one day at a time, i now am head of household, i do most everything from grocery shopping for mom and i to laundry, etc. The only thing i dont manage is their bills, mom does that, i just make sure the bills get mailed off in time....

Its going to be an extremely long hard road ahead...

[Chad]

Mom is now here in my house full time. The contractor's are building her an addition to my house. Things are going okay mostly but I have lost some freedom and that is painful. We are working on the fact that I don't eat dinner. That is hard on mom but she is trying.

The hardest part for me is that I have lost my alone time. I need that time to relax and gear up for the next day. My work days are harsh with folks in my face all day so I need some alone time at night. Mom and I have settled on one Perry Mason and then we go to our bedrooms. That is okay for now. I am a loner so this is not easy for me.

[Teddybear]

I took care of my mom for almost 8 months then I was promoted and had to move she chose not to go with me but one of my brothers. I am not sure what happened but she was there 6 months then they made a decision to take her back home to live alone. We are 4 months in and she is doing ok. I’m thankful for that however now things have changed for me and I don’t know what that means for her.

I don’t trust either of my brothers to take care of her if I am unable too. I don’t know if I should address it now while it is still fresh for me and them.

I can only imagine how the conversation would go. It will be short however I know it won’t resolve anything.

I know some will say I’m worrying about something I shouldn’t. I’m a fixer and a planner and to me I need to make sure this is settled.

[Chad]

2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us.

On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady.

This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by Chad

2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us.

On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady.

This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.

Chad your post is refreshing ~ family should be there for each other if it works out that way. your mom is lucky to have you and your obvious insight into family unity