Caregivers and Stress

MsTinkerbelly · 11-02-2018, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustLovelyJenn

I am feeling like my world is not my own of late. My father has been in poor health for a while, but its getting worse, so I have been doing my best to help my mother care for him. He is argumentative and sometimes downright mean to her. I have been going to his appointments with her just so someone is there to stand up to him.

Between my dad and my kiddo... I am gone every day of the week lately, and never home till after dinner time. And that leaves my oldest to fend for herself and I am worried about what that will do to her in the long run.

Just keep swimming, I tell myself...

My daughter had to compete with my sick and dying mom for attention during her teens...she did not have to deal with a sibling who needed so much as well. However, if she knows she is loved, if you take a small moment to connect with her everyday, she will be fine. Children are resilient, and learn about sacrifice and family duty from us; in the end, it makes them stronger adults.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Chad · 11-17-2018, 08:14 AM

I am happy to report that mom's new suit on my house is finished. I will set it up this weekend.

I am setting her up with local doctors and that is time consuming but I seem to be successful so far.

I have noticed that she gets confused a bit so I am keeping an eye on that and will bring it up to her doctor.

I think she is happy here but does get lonely because I travel for business so much.

My nearby relatives are a big help.

I feel like moving her to my house was the best choice for us.

Thank you to my BFP family for your support.

Chad

GeorgiaMa'am · 11-25-2018, 06:54 PM

When I saw my mom last weekend, I noticed she hadn't taken her pills for the day. I asked her about it, and she said she forgot. Then she said she forgets all the time. I asked her which ones did she forget? and she showed me all of her medications, including the stapled-together sheaf of prescription labels and patient notes that come with the prescriptions. I was surprised - it wasn't that many, only 3. Or maybe 4?!!

She had gotten two different prescriptions filled within days of each other, that didn't sound to me like they should be taken together. (They both contained HCTZ.) Of course, I don't know for sure, and I'm no medical professional. I asked her, "Did the doctor change one of your prescriptions?" "I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't think so."

So I wrote everything down for myself, and then I wrote two questions for her to call the doctor and ask on Monday morning. I made sure she understood the questions, and why she was asking. Of course, I know, when people have memory problems, that goes right in one ear and out the other. But I hoped that the way I phrased the questions would be simple, clear and help her remember.

So I called her Monday night and asked her what the doctor said. She very patiently explained to me that she was going to wait until her doctor's appointment the first week in December to ask, but thank you very much for worrying about her, and she would be fine, etc. Essentially, she told me to mind my own business.

My mother still lives on her own. She drives and goes places on her own. She keeps up with her appointments (mostly) by writing them on a calendar. Her memory is not so bad that I would come down hard on her and insist. I also wouldn't call the doctor behind her back - at this point. So I just asked her if she was sure ("Of course," she said,) and I let it go.

It's so hard to walk this tightrope of do I? or don't I? I don't want to fight a losing battle with her. I don't want to fight with her at all. Do I tell my sister or not? Probably I will, if Mom doesn't get those questions answered at her doctor's appointment. I'm constantly second-guessing myself, wondering, "Is this the time to push an issue?" "Has she deteriorated to the point that someone needs to monitor her more closely?"

I have no conclusion to this, just constant worry.

girl_dee · 11-25-2018, 07:03 PM

my mom, i saw her for the first time since her near death scare back in May.

She looks good and made sure to complain so I know she really is better. She will never admit that to me though. She really has lost her filter, there were some embarrassing comments made and it hurt people, the same people trying to help her. I cringe when we are all together. I know that i am the target when we are not together.

We said goodbye after a biting comment from her. I’m always left with the last word being hers and hurtful.

Each time i interact with her I am hopeful that we can come to a mother -daughter place.

I am starting to think that will never happen. It’s just not who she is.

Chad · 12-29-2018, 10:56 AM

Well, living with mom has been a bit of a challenge. I am just not good at living with other humans. All my bad habits from being unhappy return.

The biggest issue for her is still the fact that I don't eat very much. She likes her three meals a day.

At Christmas I heard her complain to her brother that I am gone a lot and that I don't eat. Ugh, I always make sure that she has home cooked food to eat even when I don't join her.

Yesterday, we went to her old town to empty another rented storage bin. Since it is only me moving stuff it makes me very upset to move around what I consider junk. We are down from 5 rented storage bins to 3. But my body suffers from the work and again there is no one to help me.

I feel exhausted and a little hopeless about her stuff.

Oklahomagal · 12-29-2018, 11:27 AM

Its so refreshing to read everyone's stories. I was a caregiver for the mentally challenges for over 5 years. I love it and miss it.

Chad · 01-05-2019, 11:22 AM

I am honoring my responsibility. I give mom everything that she needs.

However, as a self described loner this is harder than I imagined it would be. I don't thrive well living with other humans and it is starting to weigh on me personally.

I see no other solutions but to buck it up and make mom the priority.

11-17-2018, 08:14 AM	#2
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers I am happy to report that mom's new suit on my house is finished. I will set it up this weekend. I am setting her up with local doctors and that is time consuming but I seem to be successful so far. I have noticed that she gets confused a bit so I am keeping an eye on that and will bring it up to her doctor. I think she is happy here but does get lonely because I travel for business so much. My nearby relatives are a big help. I feel like moving her to my house was the best choice for us. Thank you to my BFP family for your support. Chad

11-25-2018, 06:54 PM	#3
GeorgiaMa'am Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am Relationship Status: widowed - involved, poly Join Date: May 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 6,424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,506 Thanked 28,468 Times in 5,795 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	When I saw my mom last weekend, I noticed she hadn't taken her pills for the day. I asked her about it, and she said she forgot. Then she said she forgets all the time. I asked her which ones did she forget? and she showed me all of her medications, including the stapled-together sheaf of prescription labels and patient notes that come with the prescriptions. I was surprised - it wasn't that many, only 3. Or maybe 4?!! She had gotten two different prescriptions filled within days of each other, that didn't sound to me like they should be taken together. (They both contained HCTZ.) Of course, I don't know for sure, and I'm no medical professional. I asked her, "Did the doctor change one of your prescriptions?" "I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't think so." So I wrote everything down for myself, and then I wrote two questions for her to call the doctor and ask on Monday morning. I made sure she understood the questions, and why she was asking. Of course, I know, when people have memory problems, that goes right in one ear and out the other. But I hoped that the way I phrased the questions would be simple, clear and help her remember. So I called her Monday night and asked her what the doctor said. She very patiently explained to me that she was going to wait until her doctor's appointment the first week in December to ask, but thank you very much for worrying about her, and she would be fine, etc. Essentially, she told me to mind my own business. My mother still lives on her own. She drives and goes places on her own. She keeps up with her appointments (mostly) by writing them on a calendar. Her memory is not so bad that I would come down hard on her and insist. I also wouldn't call the doctor behind her back - at this point. So I just asked her if she was sure ("Of course," she said,) and I let it go. It's so hard to walk this tightrope of do I? or don't I? I don't want to fight a losing battle with her. I don't want to fight with her at all. Do I tell my sister or not? Probably I will, if Mom doesn't get those questions answered at her doctor's appointment. I'm constantly second-guessing myself, wondering, "Is this the time to push an issue?" "Has she deteriorated to the point that someone needs to monitor her more closely?" I have no conclusion to this, just constant worry. __________________ -GeorgiaMa'am It's true that you are blessed and lucky It's true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you. -10,000 Maniacs

11-25-2018, 07:03 PM	#4
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,832 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Speaking of moms my mom, i saw her for the first time since her near death scare back in May. She looks good and made sure to complain so I know she really is better. She will never admit that to me though. She really has lost her filter, there were some embarrassing comments made and it hurt people, the same people trying to help her. I cringe when we are all together. I know that i am the target when we are not together. We said goodbye after a biting comment from her. I’m always left with the last word being hers and hurtful. Each time i interact with her I am hopeful that we can come to a mother -daughter place. I am starting to think that will never happen. It’s just not who she is.

12-29-2018, 10:56 AM	#5
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers Well, living with mom has been a bit of a challenge. I am just not good at living with other humans. All my bad habits from being unhappy return. The biggest issue for her is still the fact that I don't eat very much. She likes her three meals a day. At Christmas I heard her complain to her brother that I am gone a lot and that I don't eat. Ugh, I always make sure that she has home cooked food to eat even when I don't join her. Yesterday, we went to her old town to empty another rented storage bin. Since it is only me moving stuff it makes me very upset to move around what I consider junk. We are down from 5 rented storage bins to 3. But my body suffers from the work and again there is no one to help me. I feel exhausted and a little hopeless about her stuff.

01-05-2019, 11:22 AM	#7
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,313 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Caregivers I am honoring my responsibility. I give mom everything that she needs. However, as a self described loner this is harder than I imagined it would be. I don't thrive well living with other humans and it is starting to weigh on me personally. I see no other solutions but to buck it up and make mom the priority.

12-29-2018, 11:27 AM	#6
Oklahomagal Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2015 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 33 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1 Thanked 80 Times in 25 Posts Rep Power: 603799	Its so refreshing to read everyone's stories. I was a caregiver for the mentally challenges for over 5 years. I love it and miss it.