Cause & Affect: A Femme's Influence On The Friendships Between Butches and Transmen

[The_Lady_Snow]

I find myself wanting to speak for my homies or my boy and Grant, I don't. OH I want to I really do but truth be told, I am coming from and emotional state and not a logical one. I feel when I come in sword charging it dimisses them and their words and value, so as hard as it is I have to sit back and watch and give only my experience in their lives.

Make sense?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by June

This thread bugs me. The title bugs me, and the premise bugs me.

Why do I, as a Femme have to be responsible for how anyone gets along? Why isn't it the responsibility of the individual people to make it work? No one coddles my ability to interact with or be friendly with anyone. No one has to hold my fucking hand and lead me to common ground with anyone.

And, I don't damage the relationship between Butches and Transmen. And I'm not sure what that would look like. I saw the example given of "So and so wants me to go down on him, and he's not a real man" (total paraphrase) but that is not Femme, that is bullshit human behavior setting up an invisible hierarchy and it's also, probably at its core, based on Desire. If you don't want to go down on anyone, regardless of how they ID, then don't. Don't be in a relationship with them, but for fucks sake, don't judge them for their desire just because it's different from yours.

Why do we have to be responsible for everything? Isn't it enough we're ornamental?

It was an example, the thread was meant to let AtLastHome's thread stay on course.

I should of listened to my inner voice said fuck it and not started it. I thought it would do good.

My apologies.

I knew better.

[SuperFemme]

Aren't responsibility and influence light years apart?

[amiyesiam]

[QUOTE=June;130231]Well. We can start threads about anything, which I love. I read your OP yesterday, and then today, and I looked at the other posts, and *I* kept coming back to the same place. "Why am I, as a Femme responsible for the relationships the more masculine folks in this community have?"


I don't think it is a femme thing, I think it is a human thing. there is a kind of paradox that exists with the responsible thing: we are told we don't infulence others, everyone is responisble for themselves. If you let negative stuff bother you it is your problem. But, when we are nice, kind, gentle, accepting, that impacts those around us. everything runs good when people are good. So why, when people are mean do we want to say that should not impact others.
No matter how it should be in a perfect world, we don't live there. Our words and actions influence others. And yet in the end we are each responsible for our own selves. It is not simple or easy, it is complex and deep and full of complexities.

Common sense says that butches/trans impact femmes also, in both good and bad ways. So perhaps thinking about it in terms of humans and how we impact each other takes the "perceived femme responsiblity" out of it.

And really, I would say the same thing to everyone: Be who you are. There are always going to be people who don't like/accept you. You can not please everyone. So look for people who are accepting and kind. They can have any id, cause one's id is not what makes one a mean human. Mean humans are still mean when you strip everything else away.


I didn't come in here to waggle my finger at you, I came in to express an opinion. Besides, I know if I get that finger too close to your evil little mouth, you're gonna bite it off. <3

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by June

Why do we have to be responsible for everything? Isn't it enough we're ornamental?

Okay. I get what you are saying about some of this being based on desires not accepted or rejected.

Your last line...I'm going to ask. Are you going for humor?

Because I think you've hit something kind of important.

Those of us who are conditioned to be female may, in fact, have a nurtured (not nature or is it) need to be responsible for those we care for. We are often in the role of mothering (even those of us who don't have children in one way or another), I think. That can be caring for animals, even. (No peanut gallery, I don't want to hear about how your children ARE animals. smile)

Does this discussion boil down to a hunter/gatherer mentality or is there more here?

For me, I think there is more here to chew on. I think given my own initial "that's BS" reaction to the thread and original question, that I need to explore it more carefully.