A friend of Dorothys- how important is community?

[Converse]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

My priorities have definitely changed in this regard, but I have always lived places with queer communities even though I also live in Tennessee.

Now that I have queer RT friends all over and I have a partner, I seldom participate in the general "Gay and Lesbian" community events in my city. I used to be at the bar 65 nights a week, now I am a homebody.

I’m with you- though I have never really been a serious party goer (I get tired when it gets dark). I think more for me; it was about seeing community in my everyday- walking down the street, in the stores. It was about knowing that they were staring at me because I had forgotten to pull up my zipper rather than because they were passing judgement about who I was. Even though you don’t go to events anymore- would you consider living where there were no visual signs of a Gay and Lesbian community?

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Converse

I’m with you- though I have never really been a serious party goer (I get tired when it gets dark). I think more for me; it was about seeing community in my everyday- walking down the street, in the stores. It was about knowing that they were staring at me because I had forgotten to pull up my zipper rather than because they were passing judgement about who I was. Even though you don’t go to events anymore- would you consider living where there were no visual signs of a Gay and Lesbian community?

Nah, I am a city girl and always have been. 25 years ago it was shocking to be out here in TN, now I do not even give it a second thought.

Every now and them when we are traveling we will pull in somewhere to eat, see a lot of big trucks with confederate flags, and just pull right back out and go somewhere more touristy.

As I grow older I care less and less about what other people think though.

What part of TN Princess? We cancelled a huge picnic when the flood happened, but will be rescheduling soon, maybe you could come and meet some people.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Nah, I am a city girl and always have been. 25 years ago it was shocking to be out here in TN, now I do not even give it a second thought.

As I grow older I care less and less about what other people think though.

What part of TN Princess? We cancelled a huge picnic when the flood happened, but will be rescheduling soon, maybe you could come and meet some people.

Ohhhhhhhhhh I would LOVE that. I'm in eastern Tennessee....missed the floods thank goodness. Sorry for what you all went through on that side of the state... Thank you for thinking of me and your picnic and let me know...i'll be there with "bells on" lol.

[Rockinonahigh]

I do live where there is some what of a gay community bit for some reason over the years I find I fit less and less within it.When I bought this place there were srveral gay families hear and I have been to a fue of there partys tho not many.I really thing as we age things change,what we expect inlife changes as well.I use to be at the gbar nearly everytime they door opened just to hang out with my community but have long gotten tired of bar mentality,noise ect.We do have a pflag hear but its dosent do very much beond a once a month meeting wich is not well attended.Last year we held a pride event hear for the first time since ive been hear,tho they didnt let on about it till the day before it happened so I wasnt able to attend on such short notice.
I have thought about moveing over the years but know ppl who have done so,what I get from them is that its was ok in the begaining but ended up as solitary as before.For me I will do my best to just visit a fue places then injoy the visits while im there.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

I do live where there is some what of a gay community bit for some reason over the years I find I fit less and less within it.When I bought this place there were srveral gay families hear and I have been to a fue of there partys tho not many.I really thing as we age things change,what we expect inlife changes as well.I use to be at the gbar nearly everytime they door opened just to hang out with my community but have long gotten tired of bar mentality,noise ect.We do have a pflag hear but its dosent do very much beond a once a month meeting wich is not well attended.Last year we held a pride event hear for the first time since ive been hear,tho they didnt let on about it till the day before it happened so I wasnt able to attend on such short notice.
I have thought about moveing over the years but know ppl who have done so,what I get from them is that its was ok in the begaining but ended up as solitary as before.For me I will do my best to just visit a fue places then injoy the visits while im there.

I think “connecting” is a little different to “being among”. I don’t think I would be as settled in my new location if I hadn’t made the few b-f friends that I have. Do you think that having signs of a community around you doesn’t make any difference if you aren’t actively involved or if you haven’t formed any ties?

[TenderKnight]

Nice thread

I am from the South as well, North Carolina, to be exact. When I moved out here to California, it was a HUGE culture shock to be somewhere and there were GLBT folks walking around, holding hands.. In broad daylight! There were rainbow flags up YEAR ROUND and there wasn't a rebel flag anywhere to be seen.

Is living in a place where I see gay people and Pride all the time helpful to me as a person? I think it is.. I don't go to bars to hang with people in the communities, we have a GLBT Center here that has groups and functions year round and weekly. I know that I will be moving back to the South at some point.. But it will be very hard to adjust back to living somewhere where even the other queers are scared to have other queers openly hold hands in broad day light.. I will miss this realtime queer community that I am living in.

Thanks for the topic, look forward to following it.

-Tony

[Converse]

Originally Posted by TenderKnight

Nice thread

I am from the South as well, North Carolina, to be exact. When I moved out here to California, it was a HUGE culture shock to be somewhere and there were GLBT folks walking around, holding hands.. In broad daylight! There were rainbow flags up YEAR ROUND and there wasn't a rebel flag anywhere to be seen.

Is living in a place where I see gay people and Pride all the time helpful to me as a person? I think it is.. I don't go to bars to hang with people in the communities, we have a GLBT Center here that has groups and functions year round and weekly. I know that I will be moving back to the South at some point.. But it will be very hard to adjust back to living somewhere where even the other queers are scared to have other queers openly hold hands in broad day light.. I will miss this realtime queer community that I am living in.

Thanks for the topic, look forward to following it.

-Tony

Thank you for this TenderKnight- It is going to be interesting to see how and if your tolerance level and need for visual signs of a community are going to be altered when you return to the South after being exposed to a very alternative social “norm”.

I knew of one person closeted before she came to a very large gay friendly city, and after a year of being out, was forced due to family circumstances to return to her home town.

She struggled; I recall her going through some extreme emotions. But within a month of going back- she came out to her family, and scoured and hunted until she found some gay connections. 3 years later, her situation again changed and she was finally able to leave.

She said that the exposure that she had the 3 years prior was so important in allowing her to know who she was and to know that it was ok. She said it helped make her braver so now she was the big rainbow colored fish in a small but friendly bowl. She said the giant fish tank although is was colorful- was just too big for her, so she never moved back to the city.

Have you been back to visit since you relocated?

[ravfem]

i'm in the south too. Many years ago, there was a group of friends (lesbians & one TG guy) who would get together every Friday night for dinner & socialization. We advertised the group in the one & only hole-in-the-wall gay store, but never got new faces. As people moved away or whatever, the group just sort of vanished. i missed it tremendously, and still long for a group of like-minded people just to hang out with and do fun things.

Besides that though, there is no r/t community here. We have a gay bar, but really...i am so over it.

Many years ago i spent several weeks in Portland, OR. i asked to go to the "gay neighborhood" every day, just so i could sit and watch and smile. It was fascinating to me....all these people walking around, holding hands & just being. i LOVED it. The same when i got the opportunity to visit SF a few years ago. i went to the Castro daily just to people watch.

i go to Atlanta Pride every year, as much to be surrounded by 'my people' as anything else.

i love the thought of retiring in an exclusively women only community.

[Nat]

I really yearn for rt community and it's very depressing when I have gone too long without it. Thankfully I live near Austin.

I realized recently I would really like a good gay male friend. I actually do have some treasured gay male friends, but they have scattered to the four winds.

I think it would just be really comforting somehow. I guess I am feeling like gay male energy is missing from my life lately.

I did very much enjoy the recent Austin femme tea party - it was quite comforting being around a couple of smartypants positive femme energy - I hope some of it rubbed off on me

[Converse]

Originally Posted by ravfem

i'm in the south too. Many years ago, there was a group of friends (lesbians & one TG guy) who would get together every Friday night for dinner & socialization. We advertised the group in the one & only hole-in-the-wall gay store, but never got new faces. As people moved away or whatever, the group just sort of vanished. i missed it tremendously, and still long for a group of like-minded people just to hang out with and do fun things.

Besides that though, there is no r/t community here. We have a gay bar, but really...i am so over it.

Many years ago i spent several weeks in Portland, OR. i asked to go to the "gay neighborhood" every day, just so i could sit and watch and smile. It was fascinating to me....all these people walking around, holding hands & just being. i LOVED it. The same when i got the opportunity to visit SF a few years ago. i went to the Castro daily just to people watch.

i go to Atlanta Pride every year, as much to be surrounded by 'my people' as anything else.

i love the thought of retiring in an exclusively women only community.

rav- there is a place near where I grew up in Australia, called Amazon Acres- a women’s only land where all male children once they hit the age of 12years have to leave. On the gate leading to the compound is a giant penis with an axe through it.

Now I can tell you, for a packing Butch- that can make you feel mighty uncomfortable. I always moved along extremely fast when I was getting near that gate.

Do you think it is the friendships, or the environment of seeing "your people" just being- that you are looking for?