Bravehearts: FTMs who cannot or choose not to medically transition

[violaine]

good afternoon.

interesting thread, thank you

i was thinking of a scenario. if a person lives on an island, and cannot not find a physician to write a prescription, because the one and only local doctor does not support/understand/respect someone's need/desire to transition- and there exist no support groups for like mindedness, that individual will have limited options unless moving off the island is a possibility. for the sake of this entry, let's say the person is financially unable to move, and cannot afford surgery. is the individual not really who they maintain to be then ?

[T D]

Originally Posted by violaine

good afternoon.

interesting thread, thank you

i was thinking of a scenario. if a person lives on an island, and cannot not find a physician to write a prescription, because the one and only local doctor does not support/understand/respect someone's need/desire to transition- and there exist no support groups for like mindedness, that individual will have limited options unless moving off the island is a possibility. for the sake of this entry, let's say the person is financially unable to move, and cannot afford surgery. is the individual not really who they maintain to be then ?

Just my opinion, but everyone is who they believe they are. That is their truth and their reality. That's my take.

[Jet]

I'm going on T to compliment how I feel on the inside. I respect those who ID male (FTM), but choose not to transition regardless of why.

[Andrew, Jr.]

For the name and gender change...personally anyone can change their name legally in Maryland. The gender change on the legal documentation is not so easily done. According to my attorney there is one case pending in the court system now. And it is because the judge in the case is requiring medical documentation of not only hormones, but of top and bottom surgeries. Leave it to Maryland to be a major pain in the ass.

For me, I want both the name and gender change at once because of the financial costs involved.

Btw, I am who I say I am. I dare anyone to tell me otherwise.

Andrew

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Right now I cannot transition, but later in the future I will.

Finance is the reason why nothing has been done yet, plus I have alot of searching of myself before I actually do anything.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Hi everyone. Just dropping by. I hope everyone is doing well, and life is being kind to all.

Love,
Andrew

[theoddz]

I want to say something to the guys here who, for whatever reason, cannot or don't want/don't feel the need to physically/medically/legally transition. I want to say this out of admiration and encouragement, as someone who appreciates each and every one of you for exactly who you are.

During my own transition, so many people have said to me, "I admire the hell out of you for the pure courage it took and is taking you to make this physical/medical/legal change in your life". Believe me, there's been a ton of people who have said that......and in a larger sense, they're wrong.

I think it takes a helluva lot more courage to be who you are, in the skin you are currently in......to not make the kind of transition that I have and to live your day to day lives. I know that, for me, it would have taken a buttload more courage to have not transitioned. G-d knows, and I remember well, how that felt. I know that different people deal with this in differing ways, but it's never an easy road for pretty much anyone and it's just about a constant fight with the yahoos and narrow minds that are out there to accept that you don't fit in "the box".

With transition, there's an end point, of sorts....a goal that you reach where society will pretty much accept you in your target gender. When you can't or don't transtion, for whatever reason, it just goes on and on. Dealing with that takes a lot of cajones......more than I have or will ever have.

My hat's off to you guys for having that kind of courage.

~Theo~

[DamonK]

Currently transitioning is not an option for me.

I ID as male. I'm constantly explaining, or wincing when I hear "ma'am" in reference to me.

Several of my residents call me Mr. *insert bio name*. It's a hard position to be in.

I have been mildly gay bashed at where I work. I don't agree with it, but with the economy the way it is, I'm not going to leave my job without something else in place.

My other half got a rude awakening when she realized what life with me could be like and how it could be difficult for me.

Even though it would be easier for me, I elect to not transition fully. Currently, there are tenative plans for some top surgery. I'm not entirely sure if it will be traditional top surgery that FTMs receive or just a reduction.

Also, a factor in my decision has to do with cost. My insurance will cover a reduction, for example. However, it will not cover top surgery. If it comes down to that, I have to decide which I can live with.

[rande]

It takes a great deal of courage to live, let alone live as one believes in spite of society's interpretation of the person's physical nature.

I am a Stone Butch/FTM who most likely will never be able to transition. Some of it is due to finances, some of it due to health reasons. My bone condition would react badly to T.

If I can figure out how to get top surgery, I will. In a New York minute!

So I guess I'll always be "Third Gendered," although I see myself as male.
In my relationships, I am honest. I tell my potential partner my true nature, and leave it to them to stay or leave (sometimes after slapping my face).
I never "entrap" anyone....preferring the awkward moments take place conversationally rather than waiting until passion's fire has already been lit.

It's scary, not knowing if you're about to be rejected or accepted. But I guess that's so in all aspects of life.
It's just that when it comes to sexuality, there's a great deal more vulnerability than say, just discussing favorite flavors of ice cream.

Do I consider myself courageous? Dunno. Not my call to make.
But I will say that anybody who is living this Third Gender life has had to grow a pair, metaphorically speaking, in order to get through some of it.

It ain't easy being 'tween.
But it's me.

[Julien]

I thought I would bump this thread.

My situation is this, I consider myself GenderQueer in that I have a female body, will answer to female pronouns because policing the pronoun use is frustrating, but I see myself as male. Because of financial reasons I do not believe I can accomplish the transition. For me that would be top surgery and T. Am I content with this in between state? Not really, but at this moment in my life I see no other alternative other than to put myself out there as who I "see" myself to be, get "mistaken" for male by others and yet be female bodied. I am who I am and that is somewhere in between male and female as someone looking at me might think. When in reality my brain sees the male side far more than my eyes see the female body. I'd like to think that this state is a unique position to be in. Maybe wanting something so much and not being able to achieve that is not a good thing. So we have to make the best of our situation and accept the uniqueness in ourselves.

[AnAwkwardAccident]

I feel like I'm neither male or female but an odd mix of both. If i could choose what effects T would have on my body, I would be all for taking it...but since I don't have that ability....

As for binding - my chest is too big to bind, and my nipples are super sensitive...which is nice when I'm feeling feminine.

....if I could just deepen my voice and somehow either get a breast reduction or be flat chested with the same nipple sensitivity, I would be all for top surgery....*sigh*

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by JustAnotherButch

I feel like I'm neither male or female but an odd mix of both. If i could choose what effects T would have on my body, I would be all for taking it...but since I don't have that ability....

As for binding - my chest is too big to bind, and my nipples are super sensitive...which is nice when I'm feeling feminine.

....if I could just deepen my voice and somehow either get a breast reduction or be flat chested with the same nipple sensitivity, I would be all for top surgery....*sigh*

There are ways to investigate both of those options. Someone here was kind enough to turn me onto Neutrois.me which was quite helpful in learning about a persons experiences with low dose T experimentation, and also that there is a kind of top surgery that will preserve what you want.

Keep looking around, you may well find the right mix of options for you.

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

For the name and gender change...personally anyone can change their name legally in Maryland. The gender change on the legal documentation is not so easily done. According to my attorney there is one case pending in the court system now. And it is because the judge in the case is requiring medical documentation of not only hormones, but of top and bottom surgeries. Leave it to Maryland to be a major pain in the ass.

For me, I want both the name and gender change at once because of the financial costs involved.

Btw, I am who I say I am. I dare anyone to tell me otherwise.

Andrew

FYI, I was having a conversation recently with a guy from Transgender Law Center in San Francisco. There is currently a judge on the bench in Los County that is also requiring that all FTMs that come to his court show documentation of both bottom and top surgery.

So far, the judge is getting away with this requirement. I am pretty sure there must be some guy down in Southern Cal that will challenge this. Currently in the entire State of California one must have Top surgery and taking T in order to get a court order of gender change.

Finally google the Williams Institute at UCLA. This institute is all about LGBTQ policy and law. Get on their mailing list. They have some pertinent and interesting stuff.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by T D

Just my opinion, but everyone is who they believe they are. That is their truth and their reality. That's my take.

TD, I totally agree with you.

[Linus]

Originally Posted by violaine

good afternoon.

interesting thread, thank you

i was thinking of a scenario. if a person lives on an island, and cannot not find a physician to write a prescription, because the one and only local doctor does not support/understand/respect someone's need/desire to transition- and there exist no support groups for like mindedness, that individual will have limited options unless moving off the island is a possibility. for the sake of this entry, let's say the person is financially unable to move, and cannot afford surgery. is the individual not really who they maintain to be then ?

Originally Posted by T D

Just my opinion, but everyone is who they believe they are. That is their truth and their reality. That's my take.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

TD, I totally agree with you.

Certainly agree but.. I will add one thing: what if everyone else on that island says your or implies not a man? You can believe all you want to who you are but I'd be surprised if it didn't affect you, over a period of time, when you're constantly barraged by opinions other than your own. For some, it's not an issue because they are viewed as their gender to begin with but for others it can be a challenge. Confidence and belief in one's self are huge at pushing this forward.

[weatherboi]

Originally Posted by Linus

Certainly agree but.. I will add one thing: what if everyone else on that island says your or implies not a man? You can believe all you want to who you are but I'd be surprised if it didn't affect you, over a period of time, when you're constantly barraged by opinions other than your own. For some, it's not an issue because they are viewed as their gender to begin with but for others it can be a challenge. Confidence and belief in one's self are huge at pushing this forward.

It is easy to have confidence/belief system chipped away piece by piece when constantly barraged by fear and ignorance. My experince is when I am constantly maintaining good confidence and can't just let it flow naturally it takes away from the growth of my being. My experince living in a conservative area is one of constant reminder of my gender because people here are so fearful of anything different. I attended a wedding a couple weeks ago. Friends of the bride and groom. They have known me long enough to understand I am who I am. I wore a pants suit vest and tie. The night was great. We danced, we sang, and everybody seemed to have a good time. A week later I find out they think I ruined their wedding. They think I was trying to make a political in your face kinda statement. Two days later I was at the local hardware store picking up some tapcon screws and some guys driving through the parking lot called me a dyke and threw a soda at me. LOL My first thought was to yell ...Hey I'm not a fuckin dyke! I didn't though. I don't really care because it happens all the time. My point is sometimes the people we are dictates how we have the experince. Obvious enough right? I can't speak for other people but I know when i am bogged down in the negativity I can't enjoy life no matter what choice/road/path I decide to take. Strategically placing myself in an environment that will support my desired lifestyle is pretty important.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think it is a huge thing to have the environment of being condusive to transitioning. And that includes online as well.

Andrew

[Glenn]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

It is easy to have confidence/belief system chipped away piece by piece when constantly barraged by fear and ignorance. My experince is when I am constantly maintaining good confidence and can't just let it flow naturally it takes away from the growth of my being. My experince living in a conservative area is one of constant reminder of my gender because people here are so fearful of anything different. I attended a wedding a couple weeks ago. Friends of the bride and groom. They have known me long enough to understand I am who I am. I wore a pants suit vest and tie. The night was great. We danced, we sang, and everybody seemed to have a good time. A week later I find out they think I ruined their wedding. They think I was trying to make a political in your face kinda statement. Two days later I was at the local hardware store picking up some tapcon screws and some guys driving through the parking lot called me a dyke and threw a soda at me. LOL My first thought was to yell ...Hey I'm not a fuckin dyke! I didn't though. I don't really care because it happens all the time. My point is sometimes the people we are dictates how we have the experince. Obvious enough right? I can't speak for other people but I know when i am bogged down in the negativity I can't enjoy life no matter what choice/road/path I decide to take. Strategically placing myself in an environment that will support my desired lifestyle is pretty important.

In the oneness of allness, I am, in some degree or aspect, guilty of, or infected with, or suffering from, everything that I attack." (Charles Fort)

[Andrew, Jr.]

I think it is a real shame that people cannot allow others to be who and what they are.

[DJ4321]

for me, that would be when the braveheart would step in and I'd just be me