Ask a trans person!

[Linus]

Welp. Even though my dad won't speak to me, my aunt (my dad's sister) still does. And she looked up my grandfather's ancestry project, finding my step-mom's maiden name (spelling may not be totally accurate but.. ). It's a start!

[CamBAMF]

Hey Everybody!
I haven't been on in a while but I had a some what funny experience. When I started T a year ago I was working on my college campus. I didn't work over the winter, so this summer is the first time since beginning T that I had to look for a job. I got a part time job for the summer with the help of an ex-girlfriend. I haven't had a name change yet (I've just been strapped for cash) and all my documents say female. So right off the bat I told my managers what my deal was, all were okay if not a little curious, however policy for this particular establishment says I have to wear a name tag wit my birth name. Not a big deal, I work in the back and besides I'm not ashamed. So the other day I stop in to fill out a request off form and an employee I never met walks up and introduces herself. I tell her my birth name (figuering that's how people in here know me). Today she happened to be working the same shift as me and she explained that she was totally flabergasted by my name and had called up an ex-girlfriend of hers (who apparently is also transitioning) and explained that she honestly had no idea. I really wasn't too worried about finding a job, but I am totally surprised all the time by the overwhelming acceptance. It's been a pretty cool experience!

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by CamBAMF

Hey Everybody!
I haven't been on in a while but I had a some what funny experience. When I started T a year ago I was working on my college campus. I didn't work over the winter, so this summer is the first time since beginning T that I had to look for a job. I got a part time job for the summer with the help of an ex-girlfriend. I haven't had a name change yet (I've just been strapped for cash) and all my documents say female. So right off the bat I told my managers what my deal was, all were okay if not a little curious, however policy for this particular establishment says I have to wear a name tag wit my birth name. Not a big deal, I work in the back and besides I'm not ashamed. So the other day I stop in to fill out a request off form and an employee I never met walks up and introduces herself. I tell her my birth name (figuering that's how people in here know me). Today she happened to be working the same shift as me and she explained that she was totally flabergasted by my name and had called up an ex-girlfriend of hers (who apparently is also transitioning) and explained that she honestly had no idea. I really wasn't too worried about finding a job, but I am totally surprised all the time by the overwhelming acceptance. It's been a pretty cool experience!

I have to present my drivers liscence all the time which still has the original gender marker and my birth name. Nobody every seems to even notice the F marker .. they just think my parents were cruel. I think my birth name is unique enough that they think it's Like some foreign name that can go both ways. I've even had them comment "oh you poor thing" to be given "that" name. Unless it's an over the phone thing .. they still call me sir. On the phone they are extra confused but don't have the visual to go by ... it's funny cause it's like they over emphasize ms. then.

[Gentle Tiger]

Hello Everyone. I've had some experiences since transitioning that I quite frankly while I thought I was prepared I clearly was not prepared for them. I kind of wish I had had an older transman of color (not necessarily in age) to tell me a few things in advance - not that I would have changed my mind but to prepare me, talk through them. I don't mean about trivial things like hair growing in odd places, or receding hairlines. I'm talking heavy things like what it really means to be a man in the world. How you will be perceived and treated; respected and disrespected, etc. after you transition.

Anybody else have experiences after transitioning that kind of made you have to regroup so to speak?

[Greyson]

Originally Posted by Gentle Tiger

Hello Everyone. I've had some experiences since transitioning that I quite frankly while I thought I was prepared I clearly was not prepared for them. I kind of wish I had had an older transman of color (not necessarily in age) to tell me a few things in advance - not that I would have changed my mind but to prepare me, talk through them. I don't mean about trivial things like hair growing in odd places, or receding hairlines. I'm talking heavy things like what it really means to be a man in the world. How you will be perceived and treated; respected and disrespected, etc. after you transition.

Anybody else have experiences after transitioning that kind of made you have to regroup so to speak?

Gentle Tiger, First, I want you to know, you are not alone. I recently attended a Queer 12 Step Conference and was one of the two panel members that spoke about Transitioning. Two POC Transmen came up afterwards to speak to me about the very same sort of things you posted. I too am a POC and it has been my experience that a Latino male is sometimes treated much differently than a female Latina. I realized this as a young child just watching the life experiences of my father, stepfather and brothers.

I don't believe I have been living in the world as a Transman as long as you have but I do have a lifetime of being perceived as a Latino man off and on. If you want to talk more of this, pm me. Thank you for bringing this reality to the attention of your fellow Trans brothers.

[Gentle Tiger]

Originally Posted by Greyson

Gentle Tiger, First, I want you to know, you are not alone. I recently attended a Queer 12 Step Conference and was one of the two panel members that spoke about Transitioning. Two POC Transmen came up afterwards to speak to me about the very same sort of things you posted. I too am a POC and it has been my experience that a Latino male is sometimes treated much differently than a female Latina. I realized this as a young child just watching the life experiences of my father, stepfather and brothers.

I don't believe I have been living in the world as a Transman as long as you have but I do have a lifetime of being perceived as a Latino man off and on. If you want to talk more of this, pm me. Thank you for bringing this reality to the attention of your fellow Trans brothers.

Hey Greyson,

Yes indeed it is different. I had already experienced the being watched when entering an expensive as a black female. And I knew what in a factual and feeling for and with those who told their stories. But I now there is another layer because I now I am actually living the experience myself in my skin.

I definitely know I'm not alone as I hear this from time to time talking with other guys. My latest encounter caused me to think about the communities I interact with and share there. So others would know and not be surprised if they had similar experiences.

Hold your heads up Brothers.
Malcolm

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by Gentle Tiger

Hello Everyone. I've had some experiences since transitioning that I quite frankly while I thought I was prepared I clearly was not prepared for them. I kind of wish I had had an older transman of color (not necessarily in age) to tell me a few things in advance - not that I would have changed my mind but to prepare me, talk through them. I don't mean about trivial things like hair growing in odd places, or receding hairlines. I'm talking heavy things like what it really means to be a man in the world. How you will be perceived and treated; respected and disrespected, etc. after you transition.

Anybody else have experiences after transitioning that kind of made you have to regroup so to speak?

Hey Malcolm great to see you! Sorry that you have had some uncomfortable experiences as of late.

I think it is one thing to know that certain things exist and another to experience them. Sometimes I think all the knowledge in the world will prepare me but once I experience something for the first time I realize that nothing could prepare me.

I can't begin to know what it is like to be a male poc, however I have had experiences since my transition that throw me for a loop, are uncomfortable, and sometimes still are.

When i was perceived as female at night I was always cautious and if there was a man around extremely intentive of the fact and aware of my surroundings. It's still uncomfortable to now be the one perceived as a possible threat/danger. It's weird having to be concious of how my behavior in certain instances is now perceived totally different now that I'm seen as male instead of female.

Other examples include interacting with kids. I'm a huge flirt with kids and when I was perceived as female it never alerted anybodys "red" flags. Now that i'm seen as male people are more cautious.

I'm a messenger and often sit in my car waiting for the next job to come. Sometimes it's in residential areas and I'm still waiting for someone to call the cops thinking i'm a potential perpertrator.

A lot of these behaviors are understandable, in fact i've been the one of caution, but it's totally different to now be perceived as the one that could be a potential threat.

[Linus]

I just checked online and apparently my Birth Certificate has finally been approved and is on its way!! FINALLY! Now I can go for the SIN card and Passport. Hopefully they will be quicker!

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Linus

I just checked online and apparently my Birth Certificate has finally been approved and is on its way!! FINALLY! Now I can go for the SIN card and Passport. Hopefully they will be quicker!

That is so awesome! Congrats on that and good luck with the rest!!

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, I have a question for the Trans folks in our community.

Knowing that there are a lot of acceptance issues for everyone involved, do you think it is more difficult to be accepted or welcomed into the on and off line BF communities as a FTM or MTF?

Where do you see the differences/disparities occurring? Why do you think that is? How can we help make that better?

Thank you, and feel free to ask me for clarification.

June

I don't know that I can answer really. I had some pretty deep roots in the community well before I decided to transition, so I just figure no one pays me any mind because of that.

If there is something more specific you want to ask (me), then please know I will give you an honest, thoughtful reply. I certainly want to help in any way I can.

[Liam]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, I have a question for the Trans folks in our community.

Knowing that there are a lot of acceptance issues for everyone involved, do you think it is more difficult to be accepted or welcomed into the on and off line BF communities as a FTM or MTF?

Where do you see the differences/disparities occurring? Why do you think that is? How can we help make that better?

Thank you, and feel free to ask me for clarification.

June

I don't have a local BF community, however when I lived in Park County I was accepted and warmly welcomed by a community of women, and that has not changed, since I became Liam. I did not feel particularly welcomed when I came here, and I left for a few months after I signed up.

I don't know.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, I have a question for the Trans folks in our community.

Knowing that there are a lot of acceptance issues for everyone involved, do you think it is more difficult to be accepted or welcomed into the on and off line BF communities as a FTM or MTF?

Where do you see the differences/disparities occurring? Why do you think that is? How can we help make that better?

Thank you, and feel free to ask me for clarification.

June

It's difficult to be accepted. I've experienced this off site. As far as on line, I think its difficult because it seems you can't say a without being criticized or called on it some how. That doesn't have anything to do with gender, it's just difficult here.

[Gentle Tiger]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, I have a question for the Trans folks in our community.

Knowing that there are a lot of acceptance issues for everyone involved, do you think it is more difficult to be accepted or welcomed into the on and off line BF communities as a FTM or MTF?

Where do you see the differences/disparities occurring? Why do you think that is? How can we help make that better?

Thank you, and feel free to ask me for clarification.

June

I will give this some thought and then respond.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, I have a question for the Trans folks in our community.

Knowing that there are a lot of acceptance issues for everyone involved, do you think it is more difficult to be accepted or welcomed into the on and off line BF communities as a FTM or MTF?

Where do you see the differences/disparities occurring? Why do you think that is? How can we help make that better?

Thank you, and feel free to ask me for clarification.

June

Thanks for asking this June, it shows that you do care and that is appreciated.

I think that on the dash site I didn't feel as wanted and affirmed as a transguy, but I didn't really talk about it as much or come out as trans on that site. However, I do feel more welcome and included here on BFP because Dusa and Jack have gone out of their way to let everyone know that we transguys are welcome. That makes a big difference to me. I know that there are members here who have issues with us being here, and that isn't something that surprises me, but the leadership here, including the mods, has been positive for the most part. Thinker becoming a mod is a big affirmation of transguys being welcome and included, to me. I am impressed by that.

As for MTFs, I cannot speak to that as much. I am not an MTF and I don't experience the site through that lens. I personally haven't seen MTFs being bashed on this site, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. I do hope to see people who id as MTF come in here and speak to that.

Yes, there are unwelcoming things that go on here at BFP. I think it depends on the person and where we are in our lives and transition (or not), how it impacts us. I am just not someone who takes things as personally as some people do which, as I have said elsewhere, doesn't mean that they aren't personal. I guess how we approach transphobia here on BFP is in someways the same as what is needed with respect to sexism, misogyny, homophobia, racism, and all the other prejudicial attitudes which can tear us apart. I think most of us don't want a site like that, so we all have to do the work to educate ourselves and really listen to each other.

I am not personally going to be driven off by a few people saying things that I find offensive or ignorant about transpeople. That is a personal stance for me, and I think I am able to do that because I know that no matter what someone else says about me, or people like me, that I am a good guy with a big heart and I deserve a place at the table like anyone else. I refuse to allow anyone to take that away from me. As long as Dusa and Jack say I am welcome, then I like this place and many of the people here and I am staying.

[little man]

Originally Posted by June

Hi, I have a question for the Trans folks in our community.

Knowing that there are a lot of acceptance issues for everyone involved, do you think it is more difficult to be accepted or welcomed into the on and off line BF communities as a FTM or MTF?

i think it likely depends on where you're at and who you're with. this site, in particular, has been extremely welcoming to all from the get go. i think for folks like thinker, koop, theo and myself...we were readily accepted here because of relationship and history nurtured on the dash. with that groundwork laid, i think it's likely more welcoming to new guys here. i suspect the same is true for MtF folks who have migrated here. (i can't really speak to it with any authority, though).

so far as r/t communities go...well, i'm not all that socially adept (as you know, june). like theo, i'm fairly introverted and don't really do groups well. i've lived in different parts of the country and have noticed some places are more open/accepting of B-F dynamics than others. being back in the midwest, i do recall feeling like a bit of a pariah for being "so butch" prior to transition. people who knew me didn't care so much about that and just took it as a part of who i was. i haven't really run into many folks i've known here since transitioning. the few i have seen have been very welcoming and accepting (read as not surprised). i haven't really been out to any queer social space since coming back here. i'm not sure how i'd be taken there. the way i've seen MtFs treated in r/t in this area has been 'tolerated'. i think it also comes down to knowing that person as an individual.

so far as disparity between levels of acceptance between MtF and Ftm? i suspect we guys have an easier time of it in general. i think that's based on appearance and ability to blend in rather than stand out. i suspect that MtFs who don't pass easily or well fall into the drag queen category for many folks. i stand by previous statements about people being lazy and not looking to expand their understanding of anything or anyone outside their little worlds.

how to remedy this? awareness, of course. but, how do you make people interested enough in things outside their realm of experience to effect change? (speaking to r/t rather than this site.



Where do you see the differences/disparities occurring? Why do you think that is? How can we help make that better?

Thank you, and feel free to ask me for clarification.

June

is this helpful at all? or did i just sidestep your whole point? i do ramble....