Grieving

little man · 12-08-2009, 08:50 PM

my mom passed on the 2nd. i've been staying with her, caring for her for the last two years. i feel kinda shellshocked. there's been enough stuff to keep me busy, with funeral arrangements, planning the wake, tying up the loose ends of a life completed.

in some ways, i feel kind of numb around it all. i don't cry much now. quite a bit the first day or so. all us kids were with her when she passed. i don't mind if i never watch another person die. it was fucking hard.

i keep wondering when the big emotional dump will come. anyone?

Daryn · 12-08-2009, 09:11 PM

I have dealt with death of friends, family, and loved ones more han a couple of times. It's just different each time.

I think losing my grandmother was the hardest because of my family of origin I was closest to her and for the last few years of her life I was responsible for her. I wanted her suffering to be over ... but there is still an emptiness in my life knowing I can never talk to her again.... on the other hand I do try to think back on all the small kindnesses and acts of thoughtfulness and love she showed me over the years..... and while there is sadness there is also joy.

Thinker · 12-08-2009, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little man

my mom passed on the 2nd. i've been staying with her, caring for her for the last two years. i feel kinda shellshocked. there's been enough stuff to keep me busy, with funeral arrangements, planning the wake, tying up the loose ends of a life completed.

in some ways, i feel kind of numb around it all. i don't cry much now. quite a bit the first day or so. all us kids were with her when she passed. i don't mind if i never watch another person die. it was fucking hard.

i keep wondering when the big emotional dump will come. anyone?

Hey again, little man...

I don't recall how long it was after my mother has passed........maybe a couple of months??? Not sure. But I can remember as if it just happened today...

I was driving. I had just gotten off the freeway and was rounding a curve on the access road. Out of the blue, my eyes welled up with tears and my chest felt as if it would explode. I had to pull over, and I just lost it.

That wasn't the last time it happened either.

When it hit me, it hit me hard.

I wish you peace.

Andrew, Jr. · 12-08-2009, 09:24 PM

Miss J,

I am so sorry for your loss of your father. I will be praying for you and your family.

Little Man,

I'm sorry for your loss of your mother. I am not sure of the big cry. For me it is personal, and when it happens it happens. I just go with how I feel. It can happen any time of the day or night. It will just hit you. And it hits hard.

I will be praying for you.

When my sister died, it was more of a build up to her death because I was there with her thru her treatments. I was there for her surgeries, and her treatments. And when she made her final arrangements, I was there. It was so very sad, but a part of life. It is just so...final. I had the gift of time to prepare myself for her death. It's different compared to when my younger brother suicided.

I have a niece getting married, and she was very close to my sister. She wants to put her picture on the alter during the ceremony. I can understand this. However, the bride's mother has a problem with it. She wants this wedding to be just that. A beautiful ceremony. No reminders of the pain of loss. I am not sure of what to say or do. And I want nothing but the best for them. Life is hard enough than to have an argument over a picture on the alter.

12-08-2009, 08:50 PM	#1
little man Member How Do You Identify?: mister Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: hard to hold Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where the road goes on forever and the party never ends Posts: 1,003 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 169 Thanked 1,535 Times in 437 Posts Rep Power: 13709165	my mom passed on the 2nd. i've been staying with her, caring for her for the last two years. i feel kinda shellshocked. there's been enough stuff to keep me busy, with funeral arrangements, planning the wake, tying up the loose ends of a life completed. in some ways, i feel kind of numb around it all. i don't cry much now. quite a bit the first day or so. all us kids were with her when she passed. i don't mind if i never watch another person die. it was fucking hard. i keep wondering when the big emotional dump will come. anyone? __________________ i gots pitchers here i'm a rambling man i ain't ever gonna change i got a gypsy soul to blame and i was born for leaving --zac brown band (colder weather)

12-08-2009, 09:11 PM	#2
Daryn Timed Out How Do You Identify?: genderqueer leaning male Preferred Pronoun?: he/ze Relationship Status: open to persuasion..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: OR Posts: 185 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 209 Thanked 281 Times in 81 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have dealt with death of friends, family, and loved ones more han a couple of times. It's just different each time. I think losing my grandmother was the hardest because of my family of origin I was closest to her and for the last few years of her life I was responsible for her. I wanted her suffering to be over ... but there is still an emptiness in my life knowing I can never talk to her again.... on the other hand I do try to think back on all the small kindnesses and acts of thoughtfulness and love she showed me over the years..... and while there is sadness there is also joy.

12-08-2009, 09:24 PM	#4
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Miss J, I am so sorry for your loss of your father. I will be praying for you and your family. Little Man, I'm sorry for your loss of your mother. I am not sure of the big cry. For me it is personal, and when it happens it happens. I just go with how I feel. It can happen any time of the day or night. It will just hit you. And it hits hard. I will be praying for you. When my sister died, it was more of a build up to her death because I was there with her thru her treatments. I was there for her surgeries, and her treatments. And when she made her final arrangements, I was there. It was so very sad, but a part of life. It is just so...final. I had the gift of time to prepare myself for her death. It's different compared to when my younger brother suicided. I have a niece getting married, and she was very close to my sister. She wants to put her picture on the alter during the ceremony. I can understand this. However, the bride's mother has a problem with it. She wants this wedding to be just that. A beautiful ceremony. No reminders of the pain of loss. I am not sure of what to say or do. And I want nothing but the best for them. Life is hard enough than to have an argument over a picture on the alter.