Personal Space -- In Your Face

bigbutchmistie · 10-28-2010, 08:33 PM

I cant take crowds at all...

I dont like people behind me

At work there is a wall behind me and everyone is around me

If I know you hugs dont bother me.

Blade · 10-28-2010, 08:43 PM

OMG I think I'm on both ends of the spectrum. I am a touch person. I hug everyone, I feel very at ease in a crowd of "my peeps". However I don't like to be crowded by folks. Like at a movie or concert or something like that. I don't like anyone sitting behind me, like in a office or out to eat I sit facing the door, I wanna see who's coming and going.

Like Belle I have a cousin who almost touches noses with you when she talks to you and I'm all over the place trying to get away from her. Touch me ok but don't breathe my breath please.

DapperButch · 10-28-2010, 08:55 PM

When I first started being a part of the lesbian community, I had to get used to all the hugging....you meet a person through a mutual friend at a gathering and two hours later when you are saying goodbye to them they hug you. Huh? Do I know you?

I learned that indeed talking to them for five minutes did qualify as "knowing them" and this qualified us for "hug status"....I just went with the flow and got used to it...now I can hug anyone.

In general though, I think that my comfort level of space between myself and another person would fall under average to wanting a bit more space than the average person.

rlin · 10-28-2010, 09:04 PM

i do okay in crowded spaces... its like my psyche knows it just has to deal with it...
but... in a normal environment... nope... i have a pretty good idea of my space... i think it is deeper than 18"...
and... even hugs from folks i like are iffy... i think i need a real physical relationship with the person...
i think that personal space is the lesson i beat into my kid the most...
even when he was 2 or 3 and had no idea of personal space... i was teaching him... now... he has hangups with it... so... i think i created a monster... its few and far between that i get a hug from him unless he wants it... of course... he is 21... so i consider myself lucky that he ever wants a hug...
damn...
i think i got off topic...
hmmm
yeah...
space is really flipn important...

suebee · 10-28-2010, 09:20 PM

One of my fav people on the planet is my cousin. She's just a great all-round person. But she does not like to be hugged. Her mother says she was that way even as a baby. It's always kind of seemed like a mystery to me. She's such a warm person, yet obviously is wired to not accept much in the way of casual physical contact. Anybody know someone like that?

Jude · 10-28-2010, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by suebee

One of my fav people on the planet is my cousin. She's just a great all-round person. But she does not like to be hugged. Her mother says she was that way even as a baby. It's always kind of seemed like a mystery to me. She's such a warm person, yet obviously is wired to not accept much in the way of casual physical contact. Anybody know someone like that?

____________________________

My brother could be the poster boy for Aspergers Syndrome. I cant' think of a characteristic that he does NOT exhibit. I'm mentioning him in the context that my mother used to confide in me that my brother would never make eye contact with her when he was an infant, even when he was feeding. Even as an infant, he cried if he was picked up and relaxed again only when he was put down. Most babies lock into their mother's eyes. Needless to say, my brother doesn't like to hug. We had a standing joke that after a long separation, I could give him a hug so long as it didn't last more than 3 seconds and was accompanied by the phrase: "Hug, Hug, Pat, Pat. Okay, I did it." Not suggesting your relation is an Aspie, but feeling extremely uncomfortable in that situation is certainly characteristic of someone with social anxiety.

ravfem · 10-29-2010, 03:19 AM

In public, if it gets too crowded near me, i'll usually try to move off to the side just enough to get some breathing room but not to remove myself completely.

Recently i was at a very crowded street festival and had to actually fight going into my little space, a new experience for me. Luckily i had a very calming influence on my phone and they helped me get past that moment quickly.

i love being on a crowded dance floor though.

The thing is, i love going to stuff like that. i also love just walking around, whether downtown, at flea markets....anything. But if i sense or hear/feel people behind me, i'll move to the side so they can go by me.

As far as being around friends, i am a touchy-feely person, and love to give hey & bye hugs. But don't stay in my space during a conversation, unless i want you there.

If i'm interested in someone but don't want them to know, i'll go out of my way to not get in their personal space, but i think that's because most times i'm afraid they'll pick up on my vibes if i do.

katsarecool · 10-29-2010, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jude

____________________________

My brother could be the poster boy for Aspergers Syndrome. I cant' think of a characteristic that he does NOT exhibit. I'm mentioning him in the context that my mother used to confide in me that my brother would never make eye contact with her when he was an infant, even when he was feeding. Even as an infant, he cried if he was picked up and relaxed again only when he was put down. Most babies lock into their mother's eyes. Needless to say, my brother doesn't like to hug. We had a standing joke that after a long separation, I could give him a hug so long as it didn't last more than 3 seconds and was accompanied by the phrase: "Hug, Hug, Pat, Pat. Okay, I did it." Not suggesting your relation is an Aspie, but feeling extremely uncomfortable in that situation is certainly characteristic of someone with social anxiety.

I had the same experience with my son that you described here. It turned out he as Aspergers as well. He still will hug but his muscle bound body gets all stiff. But we know he loves us and we accept him for the special person he is. He is 34.

Miss Scarlett · 10-29-2010, 04:42 AM

I confess to being a bit of a hugger myself.

As far as crowds are concerned, it depends on the situation. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I don't like our large farmers' market when the men from some ethnic groups crowd you, walk in front of you, get in your way, act like you're invisible, etc. Grrrrrrr!

My previous employer was a "crowder." If she was standing behind me to look at a document or something on my computer she would press herself into my shoulder either her hip or by leaning on me. It felt nasty and once she actually belched in my ear and I mean a "frat party belch" too.

10-28-2010, 08:43 PM	#2
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,413 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	OMG I think I'm on both ends of the spectrum. I am a touch person. I hug everyone, I feel very at ease in a crowd of "my peeps". However I don't like to be crowded by folks. Like at a movie or concert or something like that. I don't like anyone sitting behind me, like in a office or out to eat I sit facing the door, I wanna see who's coming and going. Like Belle I have a cousin who almost touches noses with you when she talks to you and I'm all over the place trying to get away from her. Touch me ok but don't breathe my breath please. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

10-28-2010, 08:55 PM	#3
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,813 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	When I first started being a part of the lesbian community, I had to get used to all the hugging....you meet a person through a mutual friend at a gathering and two hours later when you are saying goodbye to them they hug you. Huh? Do I know you? I learned that indeed talking to them for five minutes did qualify as "knowing them" and this qualified us for "hug status"....I just went with the flow and got used to it...now I can hug anyone. In general though, I think that my comfort level of space between myself and another person would fall under average to wanting a bit more space than the average person. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-29-2010, 03:19 AM	#7
ravfem Senior Member How Do You Identify?: i'm a girl Relationship Status: negative Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 1,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,239 Thanked 3,126 Times in 1,270 Posts Rep Power: 1969286	In public, if it gets too crowded near me, i'll usually try to move off to the side just enough to get some breathing room but not to remove myself completely. Recently i was at a very crowded street festival and had to actually fight going into my little space, a new experience for me. Luckily i had a very calming influence on my phone and they helped me get past that moment quickly. i love being on a crowded dance floor though. The thing is, i love going to stuff like that. i also love just walking around, whether downtown, at flea markets....anything. But if i sense or hear/feel people behind me, i'll move to the side so they can go by me. As far as being around friends, i am a touchy-feely person, and love to give hey & bye hugs. But don't stay in my space during a conversation, unless i want you there. If i'm interested in someone but don't want them to know, i'll go out of my way to not get in their personal space, but i think that's because most times i'm afraid they'll pick up on my vibes if i do. __________________

10-28-2010, 08:33 PM	#1
bigbutchmistie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status: Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Arlington Texas Posts: 4,009 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,950 Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I cant take crowds at all... I dont like people behind me At work there is a wall behind me and everyone is around me If I know you hugs dont bother me.

10-28-2010, 09:04 PM	#4
rlin Member How Do You Identify?: human Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: nomad Posts: 712 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,450 Thanked 1,189 Times in 451 Posts Rep Power: 1004849	i do okay in crowded spaces... its like my psyche knows it just has to deal with it... but... in a normal environment... nope... i have a pretty good idea of my space... i think it is deeper than 18"... and... even hugs from folks i like are iffy... i think i need a real physical relationship with the person... i think that personal space is the lesson i beat into my kid the most... even when he was 2 or 3 and had no idea of personal space... i was teaching him... now... he has hangups with it... so... i think i created a monster... its few and far between that i get a hug from him unless he wants it... of course... he is 21... so i consider myself lucky that he ever wants a hug... damn... i think i got off topic... hmmm yeah... space is really flipn important...

10-28-2010, 09:20 PM	#5
suebee Member How Do You Identify?: TOWANDA! Preferred Pronoun?: Queen Bee Relationship Status: Good 'n married. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Eastern Canada. But if I make a wrong turn at the lights I get stopped by a border guard. Posts: 1,499 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,355 Thanked 2,756 Times in 820 Posts Rep Power: 16450092	One of my fav people on the planet is my cousin. She's just a great all-round person. But she does not like to be hugged. Her mother says she was that way even as a baby. It's always kind of seemed like a mystery to me. She's such a warm person, yet obviously is wired to not accept much in the way of casual physical contact. Anybody know someone like that?

10-29-2010, 04:42 AM	#9
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I confess to being a bit of a hugger myself. As far as crowds are concerned, it depends on the situation. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. I don't like our large farmers' market when the men from some ethnic groups crowd you, walk in front of you, get in your way, act like you're invisible, etc. Grrrrrrr! My previous employer was a "crowder." If she was standing behind me to look at a document or something on my computer she would press herself into my shoulder either her hip or by leaning on me. It felt nasty and once she actually belched in my ear and I mean a "frat party belch" too.