The mortuary thread

[Andrew, Jr.]

I know that I am not the only one fascinated by death. I am. Things that are curious to me are cremation, caskets, mortuary stuff, embalming, and so on.

Please feel free to post your thoughts and ideas here.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

When they cremate someone, what is left is called: Cremains

Cracks me up!

Then, if you are going to bury said cremains, you have to have the cremains filled urn buried in a mini vault. Which kind of resemble the Ark of the Covenant.

Hope you are not angry, I find funereal trappings amusing.

[Andrew, Jr.]

No, I'm not mad at all. I just find it hysterical all the names of everything. I am not one for words, and what I find out is amuzing.

Did you know that after one is cremated, that the body (bones) that are left still whole-ish are broken up? I thought these would burn down to ash as well.

[Jett]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

When they cremate someone, what is left is called: Cremains

Cracks me up!

Then, if you are going to bury said cremains, you have to have the cremains filled urn buried in a mini vault. Which kind of resemble the Ark of the Covenant.

Hope you are not angry, I find funereal trappings amusing.

Right "cremains"... that kinda cracks me up too.

I wasn't too sure that was correct but when calling to get a niche for my mom I had to use it.

I was like... "I need a spot for my mom's... umm... cremains?" She was like "Oh is she passed on?"... I'm like WTH? Of course she's passed on, why the hell else would she be cremains?

To top that off she's like "would you like to stay for the placement?"... I said "Well yeah I would think so." and she's like... "Well I ask because we have to take her out of the box because the box won't fit..."

(again WTH?)...

..."so we have to kind of squeeze the bag into the hole... "



WTH? I'm thinking like well no, we probably rather not see that but I think we'd have to hang out just to make sure they didn't put her in a wonder bread bag and hide her in the wall... I mean for cripes sake.

Anyway, yep "cremains"... (and yep I placed her somewhere else).

[Queerasfck]

Six Feet Under was a great show.

[Andrew, Jr.]

What are shadow people? I have only seen them out of the corner of my eye, and only at my last job.

[little man]

reposted 'cause i fuckered up my edit. so, no editing.

Cremating at the optimum temperature (1400-1800 degrees), the average weighted remains takes 2 to 2 1/2 hours

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

No, I'm not mad at all. I just find it hysterical all the names of everything. I am not one for words, and what I find out is amuzing.

Did you know that after one is cremated, that the body (bones) that are left still whole-ish are broken up? I thought these would burn down to ash as well.

I thought it mostly burned too, I wanted to look at my Father's cremains, but the funeral home dude found us trying to open the urn and said he had just glued it shut!

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Right "cremains"... that kinda cracks me up too.

I wasn't too sure that was correct but when calling to get a niche for my mom I had to use it.

I was like... "I need a spot for my mom's... umm... cremains?" She was like "Oh is she passed on?"... I'm like WTH? Of course she's passed on, why the hell else would she be cremains?

To top that off she's like "would you like to stay for the placement?"... I said "Well yeah I would think so." and she's like... "Well I ask because we have to take her out of the box because the box won't fit..."

(again WTH?)...

..."so we have to kind of squeeze the bag into the hole... "



WTH? I'm thinking like well no, we probably rather not see that but I think we'd have to hang out just to make sure they didn't put her in a wonder bread bag and hide her in the wall... I mean for cripes sake.

Anyway, yep "cremains"... (and yep I placed her somewhere else).

Ha, no, she is still alive. WTH indeed!
Its kind of a heavy plastic bag with a seal with a number on it. I did not know they did not put the urn or box in the wall niche.

Great story!

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

Six Feet Under was a great show.

It was a wonderful show, I especially liked when they showed actual funerals.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Jackhammer

Well, no secrets here.

Oak Casket in the garage ... check
Embalming kit from the 1920s in the hall closet... check
( I keep the bottles of embalming fluid in the garage )
Urns in the library... um, not so much any more, damn shadow people are obsessed with them so they are out on the back porch.

Had to sell my 1972 Cadillac Hearse, the gas was killing me.

Great thread Andrew

Urns on the back porch, I see you are fitting right in to the South!

I always wanted a hearse!

Once, (not at band camp) I saw a convertible hearse in Detroit, I almost wrecked my car laughing!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Six Feet Under is still one of my favorite shows. It goes right up there next to the Sopranos, my most favorite show evah.

I went to a funeral home once with my Sunday School group. It was so cool. We spent most of our time in the embalming section. It was just overwhelming. And at the time, I think we were in 4th grade. I do believe that the younger you are, the more prone you are to spirits.

[Ms. Tabitha]

Hey Andrew great thread!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-ynU6aTzac"]YouTube- The Process of Modern Day Cremation Video 1 of 2[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DNletgSS34&feature=related"]YouTube- The Process of Modern Day Cremation Video 2 of 2[/ame]

I have dealt with death on so many different levels due to my career EMS and in the ER with traumatic and natural causes.
My A&P class had very little textbook use. Cadaver's were issued to us after the medical students finished with them.
To this day I still cannot stand the smell of mentholatum.

[Dean Thoreau]

I told the wife when I die...give every part of me away you can give away...Her response was..and what do I do with the leftovers?...........my reply was "surprise me!"

People seem to to feel we need to do some very expensive ritualistic things regarding death and said memorializing of the cremains, remains...
First embalming is not required....why would anyone opt to put more chemicals into the earth? and who the hell needs to dig u up in 40 years to see if your embalming has kpet you looking like what? dead?

Then there are the " underground cement vaults" you can buy one for 250 dollars that is not very pretty looking or you can spend 850 dollars on one that "is sealed and guaranted leak proof" Ok so my question was...So how am I gonna now if it leaks or not? The deceased going to call me and complain?

Then there are the caskets.....wood is more expensive...metal is cheaper..fiberboard....is the cheapest.......but not very pretty.....and once again...my response is...."And who is it exactly that is mourning the death of this person do we need to impress? And here we go with the "sealing issue" the more expensive ones are air tight......well goodness yes lets get one fo those..dont want the deceased getting a breath of air now do we "rme"

and then the cushioning inside the casket......cracks me up will the deceased actually ummm get an ache in his back if only laying on a 1/2 inch cushion instead of a 2 inch one?



Now the gross part to me is what funeral people do to make the body look "presentable" ping pong balls where they eyeballs are....super glue the eyes shut (no they dont naturally close) superglue the mouth shut....cotton filled mouths to maintain the "natural facial features" makeup so u cant see the ....loss of color since all the blood has now followed the direction of gravity.....and numerous other grossies..and I have to pay to have thsi done to a loved one for what reason?

So when people come tothe viewing....they can say "He/she looks good" No he/she looks dead...and that is ok cause he/she is!
Never have understood why people say some of the dumbest things at a viewing:
"he/she looks good...compared to what? How the person looked when they were alive?

"he/she has never looked better" better than what?

"He/she looks so peaceful"................duhhhhhhh (did they think the body would be having a bad dream? or maybe i should have had the funeral people make the deceaseds face look like "the scream"





And when i die and u bury whats left... put these simple word on a piece of stone to remember me:

Dean Thoreau
born yes died yes
at last he sleeps alone!

[Kimbo]

Back in the nursing days I was on the Code team--I've seen a lot of death. One time we pronounced an elderly woman, she was taken to the morgue, when I came in the next morning she was in the ICU. The funeral home people found her taking shallow breaths. That kind of freaked me out!

I've seen many autopsies, I'm fascinated by the body.

[Unndunn]

I don't want to rain on anyone's parade, but I felt devastated when I saw this thread. I come to this site to escape the pain I'm going through over losing my mother to cancer four months ago and losing my father in a horrible, tragic accident almost three years ago. It's Christmas and all I can think about is that this is the first Christmas with both of my parents gone.

I understand that these are my issues, and after I post this I'll make a polite exit out of this thread. However, I am posting because I know I can't be the only person who felt hurt and upset upon seeing it. I've been a nurse for 22 years and understand gallows humor and natural curiousity about death. I've seen plenty of dead bodies firsthand, but right now I can't forget that most recently it was my mother that I was sitting with while she gasped and took her last breath.

I just hope that people on this site, and specifically in this thread remember that things that don't bother us at a certain point in time might be triggers for other members.

thanks for reading,
unn

[Jett]

Unn first I'll say I'm very sorry for your loss, I lost my mom last year so I do have some idea what you're going through.

Death is a very touchy subject, taboo even to some... and we all deal with it differently... I don't think this thread is all about gallows humor. For me the story I told was pretty much a very painful true experiance that I was able to finally kind of laugh about here and thus let go of some of that pain.

As I said we all deal with things differently...

Anyway Andrew started a "Grieving" thread that's been helpful to me and perhaps you may find some solice among those going through or having gone through similar things as yourself.

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=80

I wish you peace
Metro

[T4Texas]

We have a great place here in Houston called the National Museum of Funeral History. It's a museum by the industry dedicated to the industry. I've been there a couple of times and what impressed me is that it's very well put together, tasteful and chock full of the most interesting things that relate to the industry. Among the things they have are small paper things, like advertisements, obituaries of famous people, and funeral home giveaways...a full mockup of a 1930's embalming room with all the equipment...a variety of caskets (antique) including a triple sized one that was specially made...and my personal favorites the hearses. They have not only vintage horse drawn hearses but about twenty motorized ones dating from the 1920's to the 1950's, all in like new condition. For car buffs its worth the trip just to see those. They have a website, but my link is not working so just punch in National Museum of Funeral History. Its a cool place, interesting and educational.

[Ms. Tabitha]

Originally Posted by T4Texas

We have a great place here in Houston called the National Museum of Funeral History. It's a museum by the industry dedicated to the industry. I've been there a couple of times and what impressed me is that it's very well put together, tasteful and chock full of the most interesting things that relate to the industry. Among the things they have are small paper things, like advertisements, obituaries of famous people, and funeral home giveaways...a full mockup of a 1930's embalming room with all the equipment...a variety of caskets (antique) including a triple sized one that was specially made...and my personal favorites the hearses. They have not only vintage horse drawn hearses but about twenty motorized ones dating from the 1920's to the 1950's, all in like new condition. For car buffs its worth the trip just to see those. They have a website, but my link is not working so just punch in National Museum of Funeral History. Its a cool place, interesting and educational.

http://www.nmfh.org/

I agree, the place is amazing.

[Apocalipstic]

Unn,

So sorry this thread is hurtful to you.

I think all of us have experienced deep loss. My Mother died when I was 13 and we moved to the US the same week with her casket on the plane with us and my Dad died 11 months ago.

I have always been surrounded by death and I have chosen to look at the amusing parts.

We all process differently, and this is how I do. I hope that we can agree to disagree and just stay on different threads on this one subject.

In all respect!

Jen

[Apocalipstic]

OK, so the people from the funeral home where we had my father's funeral called this week, they want me to buy a casket and plan my own funeral.

Not the call I was wanting...

I guess since Walmart now carries caskets, they are having to beat the bushes to find victims? clients? what would one call it?

[WILDCAT]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

OK, so the people from the funeral home where we had my father's funeral called this week, they want me to buy a casket and plan my own funeral.

Not the call I was wanting...

I guess since Walmart now carries caskets, they are having to beat the bushes to find victims? clients? what would one call it?

See Walmart "customer" service department: Bored to death complaints. (I guess?)

Other than a few funny lines, some sad stories - this thread is SPOOKY to me.

I do NOT want preservatives pumped into me. That seems insane to me and oh, so non-organic!! (Delaying the natural "process".) And I know how the blood draining is done and the doll dress up stuff. ICK!!! Shudder!

Part of my hospice training was to go into the bowels of a funeral home and see the "goings on". Well, not an actual... the equipment and full explanation.

I want cremated, but am deathly afraid of fires. (Seriously, now folks.) What if I am not dead? And the fire seems MUCH too hot.

So, I would have to have a "quickie" funeral. I think by law without the embalming, for obvious reasons you must "move" quickly with the service - if you are having one. Maybe just a memorial (?)

I did LOVE "Six Feet Under". That was a great show. I am NOT a fan of death and dying though.

Well, on that note: Everyone have a very lovely day. No slipping on the ice! (That is what killed the Atkins Diet guy!) Hmmmm, don't recall that as a death on my Six Feet show - come to think of it.



WILDCAT