The mortuary thread

Jett · 12-16-2009, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

When they cremate someone, what is left is called: Cremains

Cracks me up!

Then, if you are going to bury said cremains, you have to have the cremains filled urn buried in a mini vault. Which kind of resemble the Ark of the Covenant.

Hope you are not angry, I find funereal trappings amusing.

Right "cremains"... that kinda cracks me up too.

I wasn't too sure that was correct but when calling to get a niche for my mom I had to use it.

I was like... "I need a spot for my mom's... umm... cremains?" She was like "Oh is she passed on?"... I'm like WTH? Of course she's passed on, why the hell else would she be cremains?

To top that off she's like "would you like to stay for the placement?"... I said "Well yeah I would think so." and she's like... "Well I ask because we have to take her out of the box because the box won't fit..."

(again WTH?)...

..."so we have to kind of squeeze the bag into the hole... "

WTH? I'm thinking like well no, we probably rather not see that but I think we'd have to hang out just to make sure they didn't put her in a wonder bread bag and hide her in the wall... I mean for cripes sake.

Anyway, yep "cremains"... (and yep I placed her somewhere else).

Queerasfck · 12-16-2009, 06:05 PM

Six Feet Under was a great show.

Andrew, Jr. · 12-16-2009, 08:00 PM

What are shadow people? I have only seen them out of the corner of my eye, and only at my last job.

little man · 12-16-2009, 08:21 PM

reposted 'cause i fuckered up my edit. so, no editing.

Cremating at the optimum temperature (1400-1800 degrees), the average weighted remains takes 2 to 2 1/2 hours

Apocalipstic · 12-17-2009, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

No, I'm not mad at all. I just find it hysterical all the names of everything. I am not one for words, and what I find out is amuzing.

Did you know that after one is cremated, that the body (bones) that are left still whole-ish are broken up? I thought these would burn down to ash as well.

I thought it mostly burned too, I wanted to look at my Father's cremains, but the funeral home dude found us trying to open the urn and said he had just glued it shut!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Right "cremains"... that kinda cracks me up too.

I wasn't too sure that was correct but when calling to get a niche for my mom I had to use it.

I was like... "I need a spot for my mom's... umm... cremains?" She was like "Oh is she passed on?"... I'm like WTH? Of course she's passed on, why the hell else would she be cremains?

To top that off she's like "would you like to stay for the placement?"... I said "Well yeah I would think so." and she's like... "Well I ask because we have to take her out of the box because the box won't fit..."

(again WTH?)...

..."so we have to kind of squeeze the bag into the hole... "

WTH? I'm thinking like well no, we probably rather not see that but I think we'd have to hang out just to make sure they didn't put her in a wonder bread bag and hide her in the wall... I mean for cripes sake.

Anyway, yep "cremains"... (and yep I placed her somewhere else).

Ha, no, she is still alive. WTH indeed!

Its kind of a heavy plastic bag with a seal with a number on it. I did not know they did not put the urn or box in the wall niche.

Great story!

Quote:

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

Six Feet Under was a great show.

It was a wonderful show, I especially liked when they showed actual funerals.

Apocalipstic · 12-17-2009, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackhammer

Well, no secrets here.

Oak Casket in the garage ... check
Embalming kit from the 1920s in the hall closet... check
( I keep the bottles of embalming fluid in the garage )
Urns in the library... um, not so much any more, damn shadow people are obsessed with them so they are out on the back porch.

Had to sell my 1972 Cadillac Hearse, the gas was killing me.

Great thread Andrew

Urns on the back porch, I see you are fitting right in to the South!

I always wanted a hearse!

Once, (not at band camp) I saw a convertible hearse in Detroit, I almost wrecked my car laughing!

Andrew, Jr. · 12-17-2009, 09:31 AM

Six Feet Under is still one of my favorite shows. It goes right up there next to the Sopranos, my most favorite show evah.

I went to a funeral home once with my Sunday School group. It was so cool. We spent most of our time in the embalming section. It was just overwhelming. And at the time, I think we were in 4th grade. I do believe that the younger you are, the more prone you are to spirits.

Ms. Tabitha · 12-17-2009, 10:17 AM

Hey Andrew great thread!

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-ynU6aTzac"]YouTube- The Process of Modern Day Cremation Video 1 of 2[/ame]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DNletgSS34&feature=related"]YouTube- The Process of Modern Day Cremation Video 2 of 2[/ame]

I have dealt with death on so many different levels due to my career EMS and in the ER with traumatic and natural causes.
My A&P class had very little textbook use. Cadaver's were issued to us after the medical students finished with them.
To this day I still cannot stand the smell of mentholatum.

Dean Thoreau · 12-17-2009, 10:32 PM

I told the wife when I die...give every part of me away you can give away...Her response was..and what do I do with the leftovers?...........my reply was "surprise me!"

People seem to to feel we need to do some very expensive ritualistic things regarding death and said memorializing of the cremains, remains...
First embalming is not required....why would anyone opt to put more chemicals into the earth? and who the hell needs to dig u up in 40 years to see if your embalming has kpet you looking like what? dead?

Then there are the " underground cement vaults" you can buy one for 250 dollars that is not very pretty looking or you can spend 850 dollars on one that "is sealed and guaranted leak proof" Ok so my question was...So how am I gonna now if it leaks or not? The deceased going to call me and complain?

Then there are the caskets.....wood is more expensive...metal is cheaper..fiberboard....is the cheapest.......but not very pretty.....and once again...my response is...."And who is it exactly that is mourning the death of this person do we need to impress? And here we go with the "sealing issue" the more expensive ones are air tight......well goodness yes lets get one fo those..dont want the deceased getting a breath of air now do we "rme"

and then the cushioning inside the casket......cracks me up will the deceased actually ummm get an ache in his back if only laying on a 1/2 inch cushion instead of a 2 inch one?

Now the gross part to me is what funeral people do to make the body look "presentable" ping pong balls where they eyeballs are....super glue the eyes shut (no they dont naturally close) superglue the mouth shut....cotton filled mouths to maintain the "natural facial features" makeup so u cant see the ....loss of color since all the blood has now followed the direction of gravity.....and numerous other grossies..and I have to pay to have thsi done to a loved one for what reason?

So when people come tothe viewing....they can say "He/she looks good" No he/she looks dead...and that is ok cause he/she is!
Never have understood why people say some of the dumbest things at a viewing:
"he/she looks good...compared to what? How the person looked when they were alive?

"he/she has never looked better" better than what?

"He/she looks so peaceful"................duhhhhhhh (did they think the body would be having a bad dream? or maybe i should have had the funeral people make the deceaseds face look like "the scream"

And when i die and u bury whats left... put these simple word on a piece of stone to remember me:

Dean Thoreau
born yes died yes
at last he sleeps alone!

Kimbo · 12-17-2009, 11:19 PM

Back in the nursing days I was on the Code team--I've seen a lot of death. One time we pronounced an elderly woman, she was taken to the morgue, when I came in the next morning she was in the ICU. The funeral home people found her taking shallow breaths. That kind of freaked me out!

I've seen many autopsies, I'm fascinated by the body.

12-16-2009, 06:05 PM	#2
Queerasfck Senior Member How Do You Identify?: still ballin' Relationship Status: Triple X Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: west side Posts: 2,544 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,716 Thanked 6,492 Times in 1,638 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	What happened to Lisa? Six Feet Under was a great show. __________________ http://www.advertisingarchives.co.uk...28750fb328.jpg

12-16-2009, 08:21 PM	#4
little man Member How Do You Identify?: mister Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: hard to hold Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where the road goes on forever and the party never ends Posts: 1,003 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 169 Thanked 1,534 Times in 437 Posts Rep Power: 13709164	reposted 'cause i fuckered up my edit. so, no editing. Cremating at the optimum temperature (1400-1800 degrees), the average weighted remains takes 2 to 2 1/2 hours __________________ i gots pitchers here i'm a rambling man i ain't ever gonna change i got a gypsy soul to blame and i was born for leaving --zac brown band (colder weather)

12-17-2009, 10:32 PM	#9
Dean Thoreau Member How Do You Identify?: Ftm - Male- exfemale Preferred Pronoun?: He’s Him Relationship Status: Has a gf Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Philadelphia pa Posts: 889 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 251 Thanked 761 Times in 219 Posts Rep Power: 4529749	I told the wife when I die...give every part of me away you can give away...Her response was..and what do I do with the leftovers?...........my reply was "surprise me!" People seem to to feel we need to do some very expensive ritualistic things regarding death and said memorializing of the cremains, remains... First embalming is not required....why would anyone opt to put more chemicals into the earth? and who the hell needs to dig u up in 40 years to see if your embalming has kpet you looking like what? dead? Then there are the " underground cement vaults" you can buy one for 250 dollars that is not very pretty looking or you can spend 850 dollars on one that "is sealed and guaranted leak proof" Ok so my question was...So how am I gonna now if it leaks or not? The deceased going to call me and complain? Then there are the caskets.....wood is more expensive...metal is cheaper..fiberboard....is the cheapest.......but not very pretty.....and once again...my response is...."And who is it exactly that is mourning the death of this person do we need to impress? And here we go with the "sealing issue" the more expensive ones are air tight......well goodness yes lets get one fo those..dont want the deceased getting a breath of air now do we "rme" and then the cushioning inside the casket......cracks me up will the deceased actually ummm get an ache in his back if only laying on a 1/2 inch cushion instead of a 2 inch one? Now the gross part to me is what funeral people do to make the body look "presentable" ping pong balls where they eyeballs are....super glue the eyes shut (no they dont naturally close) superglue the mouth shut....cotton filled mouths to maintain the "natural facial features" makeup so u cant see the ....loss of color since all the blood has now followed the direction of gravity.....and numerous other grossies..and I have to pay to have thsi done to a loved one for what reason? So when people come tothe viewing....they can say "He/she looks good" No he/she looks dead...and that is ok cause he/she is! Never have understood why people say some of the dumbest things at a viewing: "he/she looks good...compared to what? How the person looked when they were alive? "he/she has never looked better" better than what? "He/she looks so peaceful"................duhhhhhhh (did they think the body would be having a bad dream? or maybe i should have had the funeral people make the deceaseds face look like "the scream" And when i die and u bury whats left... put these simple word on a piece of stone to remember me: Dean Thoreau born yes died yes at last he sleeps alone! __________________ Dean Thoreau

12-16-2009, 08:00 PM	#3
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,250 Times in 2,217 Posts Rep Power: 0	What are shadow people? I have only seen them out of the corner of my eye, and only at my last job.

12-17-2009, 09:31 AM	#7
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,250 Times in 2,217 Posts Rep Power: 0	Six Feet Under is still one of my favorite shows. It goes right up there next to the Sopranos, my most favorite show evah. I went to a funeral home once with my Sunday School group. It was so cool. We spent most of our time in the embalming section. It was just overwhelming. And at the time, I think we were in 4th grade. I do believe that the younger you are, the more prone you are to spirits.

12-17-2009, 10:17 AM	#8
Ms. Tabitha Member How Do You Identify?: Hey Lady Preferred Pronoun?: Female Relationship Status: Married ~ 4-1-13 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Texas Posts: 1,440 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 980 Thanked 3,581 Times in 1,040 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Hey Andrew great thread! [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-ynU6aTzac"]YouTube- The Process of Modern Day Cremation Video 1 of 2[/ame] [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DNletgSS34&feature=related"]YouTube- The Process of Modern Day Cremation Video 2 of 2[/ame] I have dealt with death on so many different levels due to my career EMS and in the ER with traumatic and natural causes. My A&P class had very little textbook use. Cadaver's were issued to us after the medical students finished with them. To this day I still cannot stand the smell of mentholatum.

12-17-2009, 11:19 PM	#10
Kimbo Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Eligible Butchelor Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Seattle Posts: 591 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 432 Thanked 551 Times in 257 Posts Rep Power: 119	Back in the nursing days I was on the Code team--I've seen a lot of death. One time we pronounced an elderly woman, she was taken to the morgue, when I came in the next morning she was in the ICU. The funeral home people found her taking shallow breaths. That kind of freaked me out! I've seen many autopsies, I'm fascinated by the body.