Were you adopted in a closed adoption?

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Honestly, to me, giving away your kids because you can't take care of them properly IS NOT love of any form, it's called being stupid and selfish. I am grateful I am here but at times no due to the amount of anger that boils in my bones about the reasons why so many birthparents do what they do.

It kinda goes back to the post where I said some people need to be sterilized and castrated, both my birth parents should have had this happen, than maybe myself and my siblings wouldn't be so fucked up like we are. I hold alot of resentment and animosity towards my birth mother and some to my father, if you don't wanna be a parent don't be a fucktard, wear a rubber or use some form of protection.

IMO closed adoptions have done more harm than good.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Honestly, to me, giving away your kids because you can't take care of them properly IS NOT love of any form, it's called being stupid and selfish. I am grateful I am here but at times no due to the amount of anger that boils in my bones about the reasons why so many birthparents do what they do.

It kinda goes back to the post where I said some people need to be sterilized and castrated, both my birth parents should have had this happen, than maybe myself and my siblings wouldn't be so fucked up like we are. I hold alot of resentment and animosity towards my birth mother and some to my father, if you don't wanna be a parent don't be a fucktard, wear a rubber or use some form of protection.

IMO closed adoptions have done more harm than good.

I think a more open scenario where the child knows where they come from and has some sense of heritage is best.

Those of us from closed adoptions have no clue what our past is, no sense of clan, or familial ties.

I get that in 1963 things were bad for women, but when I finally did meet her she told me her parents said she had to give me up if she wanted to go to the prom. They she married someone else shortly after and had 2 kids. She has a master's degree. In my case it was a convenience thing, not a survival thing.

I do know that still the rhetoric is that to say that parents gave us up out of love and should be happy and thankful and beholden for being adopted out of misery. I have heard it all my life.

I think I am angry at society in general for believing that children are disposable and will forget and can be given away when they are at their most defenceless to who knows what. Having sex is a natural thing, and I wish I lived in a world where children are treasured and not looked down on for being illegitimate. Its just insane to me that this is how society works.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

[QUOTE=apocalipstic;22864]I think a more open scenario where the child knows where they come from and has some sense of heritage is best.

Those of us from closed adoptions have no clue what our past is, no sense of clan, or familial ties.

I get that in 1963 things were bad for women, but when I finally did meet her she told me her parents said she had to give me up if she wanted to go to the prom. They she married someone else shortly after and had 2 kids. She has a master's degree. In my case it was a convenience thing, not a survival thing.

I do know that still the rhetoric is that to say that parents gave us up out of love and should be happy and thankful and beholden for being adopted out of misery. I have heard it all my life.

I think I am angry at society in general for believing that children are disposable and will forget and can be given away when they are at their most defenceless to who knows what. Having sex is a natural thing, and I wish I lived in a world where children are treasured and not looked down on for being illegitimate. Its just insane to me that this is how society works.[/QUOTE]

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I think a more open scenario where the child knows where they come from and has some sense of heritage is best.

Those of us from closed adoptions have no clue what our past is, no sense of clan, or familial ties.

I get that in 1963 things were bad for women, but when I finally did meet her she told me her parents said she had to give me up if she wanted to go to the prom. They she married someone else shortly after and had 2 kids. She has a master's degree. In my case it was a convenience thing, not a survival thing.

I do know that still the rhetoric is that to say that parents gave us up out of love and should be happy and thankful and beholden for being adopted out of misery. I have heard it all my life.

I think I am angry at society in general for believing that children are disposable and will forget and can be given away when they are at their most defenceless to who knows what. Having sex is a natural thing, and I wish I lived in a world where children are treasured and not looked down on for being illegitimate. Its just insane to me that this is how society works.

That too is a thorn in my side, thinking kids are disposable as well as animals.

Society sucks and always has

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

That too is a thorn in my side, thinking kids are disposable as well as animals.

Society sucks and always has

Yeah animals too. People need to get their pets FIXED.

It makes me furious that when someone is pregnant STILL, the answer people give is ohh don't have an abortion, have the baby and put it up for adoption. People need to know that they are placing a defenceless child in danger.

Yes, some babies end up in good homes, but so many end up on death row or commit suicide, or even kill their adoptive parents. Is it worth it?

Use birth control.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Yeah animals too. People need to get their pets FIXED.

It makes me furious that when someone is pregnant STILL, the answer people give is ohh don't have an abortion, have the baby and put it up for adoption. People need to know that they are placing a defenceless child in danger.

Yes, some babies end up in good homes, but so many end up on death row or commit suicide, or even kill their adoptive parents. Is it worth it?

Use birth control.

Agreed get your damn pets fixed... sheesh it don't take much to get them fixed... humans on the other hand you have to have a valid reason to get them fixed.

I recall a story about an adoptive girl who killed her adopted mother over a boyfriend at school. WTF.

People should think with their heads when it comes to having kids, why do you think I have never had kids?

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by NotAnAverageGuy

Agreed get your damn pets fixed... sheesh it don't take much to get them fixed... humans on the other hand you have to have a valid reason to get them fixed.

I recall a story about an adoptive girl who killed her adopted mother over a boyfriend at school. WTF.

People should think with their heads when it comes to having kids, why do you think I have never had kids?

I never really wanted to have kids either.

I read that a huge percentage of people who kill both parents are adopted. They don't want parents looking to adopt to know this stuff.

[NotAnAverageGuy]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I never really wanted to have kids either.

I read that a huge percentage of people who kill both parents are adopted. They don't want parents looking to adopt to know this stuff.

I never had kids because I am not fond of children, granted I love my nieces and nephews but to send them home all spoiled and have my siblings mad at me is way better than having one of my own on my coat tails 24/7.



Yes there is a big percentage of adopted people who are killers, etc. I think Superfemme posted about that on another page.

[Dean Thoreau]

My son john was removed from his birth parents when he was 11 months old...for severe neglect and abuse...he weighed less at 11 months of age then when he was born....

He was hsopitalized then placed in a foster home......with 11 other children...when he turned 2 he was still very sickly and a doctor thought...he would test him for HIV....sure enough he was positive....
he was then removed from the foster home and placed with me for adoption. at the age of 2 3/4..

at the age of 7 he died....

I had the opportunity to meet john's birth parents at the funeral home.....(I had asked my adoption agency to notify the birth parents that he had died and said they could come to the funeral home if they desired..they were both incarcerated..so special arrangements were made and i decided i wanted to meet these horrible horrendous people..that gave john AIDs, that abused him,,,that starved him..did all those things...that ended up resulting in his very premature death....


I was not exactly sure what I was going to do when i saw them...prison guards and police there or not...in my mind i planned on ripping them to shreds....verbally, physically and shaking them till i got a answer out of them that explained WHY.....How...WHY...and after i got the answers i figured i would just rip them from limb to limb ....

Well in walked two tiny frail people,with handcuffs on...,who were very scared..who were both obviously not well, the guards etc allowed them to come into the room where john's body casket was...and gave us some privacy...

these two people who i hated, despised desired to just rip apart with my bare hands were in the same room as i...
they looked at me...i motioned ot them the direction of johns casket and they walked over knelt down and with handcuffs blessed themselves and viewed their birth child..... spent a few moments and then his birth mom came over to me and said...

"Im sorry your son died."

I was a bit taken back by the comment...the birth father came over and said the same thing.
then the three of us sat down and talked. for a while...
i did not kill them
i did not beat them
and after that day i could not hate them...

There are some things that will never have answers.....because the people involved truly do not know the answers....no I did not ask them Why did u abuse him.....and neither fo them offered an explanation because is there any explanation other then SICKNESS ....that would explain it....

There is nothing an 11 month old child could do to deserve abuse, starvation....so there is no answer why......other than sickness..not physcical sickness but severe emotional illness..



I did forgive them
I also thank them because yes I thanked them.... due to their carelessness and unhealthy habits they contracted a disease that was passed on to john in utero....
yes they did a horrible thing from the time he was born until he was 11 months old.....

But, in selfishness I must say..Thank You....my life was changed by the fact that he came into my life.
My life was touched in such a remarkable way by those almost 5 years that he lived on this earth and called me mom.
My heart became fuller and I shall never forget or stop missing my son john... did his birth parents love him....yes...they did....could they care for themselves or him NO they could not...
were they capable of caring for themselves or him when he was removed..no they were not...
it was not because they had aids it is and was because they were SICK...they had numerous sicknesses AIDS was the least of them;
they had the sickness of addiciton, the sickness of emotinal instability, the sickeness of poverty, the sickeness of inability to disern right from wrong...the sickness of the inability to control their own behavior....
Those things require a great deal of medical attention...and those sicknesses do not allow one to be capable of caring for a baby or a child.

See where everyone gets hung up is on the " love" isuue.

love exists..it is the sicknesses that clouds the love from being seen.

When you say a woman takes the "easy" way out when a child is placed for adoption....if that is how you convince yourself and contend with the anger you have regarding your birth parent.

It is ok to be angry at them for...choosing to give you life.....
but please remember you deserve to be alive!

It is ok to be angry at them for abusing you,....
but please remember you deserved and still deserve to be free of abuse.

It is ok to be angry at them cause you question their love...
but please remember you deserved and do deserve to be loved.

it is ok to feel anyway you need to feel and do feel...
but please remember you deserve the right not to use that as an excuse to not be the best person you can possibly be!