Stone Butches

[Converse]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

heh Dom.....
some of my friends straight and lesbian ones...... when they learn of my preference on whom I like to date/ feel most attracted too..... they ask
why dont you just date men then.......
and i try to explain but .... its pointless cuz they dont get it or understand.

good post lamb..

Where do you begin to respond to questions like that, or should you even bother? I guess it depends who is asking.

I do recall responding when a couple of men, who after spotting me, yelled out at my grrl ‘whats she got that I haven’t?’ and telling them to bend over so I could show them.

I heard a Femme tell a lesbian who had reacted badly at being told she wasn’t her type explain to her that having sex with her would be like masturbation, and having sex with a man would be like being offered a tic tac when you were starving, but that having sex with a Butch was like a ride on a rollercoaster - where the build up was so intense that it was almost unbearable but the exhilaration of the ride was enough to keep her wanting to get back in line.

One of my favourite responses was years ago, when a Femme, a woman of maturity and incredible grace, was asked by a ‘would be suitor” what he could do to have her consider him- to which she replied “Darling if it were as simple as having surgery, I would of course suggest it, a little snipping would be a small price to pay- however, there is nothing can be done. I’m afraid you must blame your parents for providing you with that defective second chromosome. Now please go and pout elsewhere- you are blocking my view to that incredibly good looking Butch”

[Madeyoulook]

I haven't read all of the posts in depth, only skimmed as there are so many. However, from those I have read I see that being Stone means different things to different people.

I'm Stone and if I listed my ID to include all parts of me, then the ID would be as long as my arm. Being Stone to me is simple and quite black and white. It is related to sex and just means that I don't want to be touched in any feminising way. That isn't to say I don't want to be touched at all, but only in the ways that a man would be touched, or for me to feel that way when being touched.

It's also about trust for me, if I didn't feel comfortable with my partner then there are limits, but isn't that the same with everyone, Stone or none Stone. It's finding our own comfort zones. For example, I have had upper surgery, but prior to that I wouldn't let a partner touch my chest as that reminded me of a female part of me that I hated, now I love it to be touched and anything else for that matter, because I am comfortable with my chest in a way that I never was before.

I find that I gel better in a relationship with a Stone Femme because we seem to understand each in a way that a none Stone does, that isn't to say I wouldn't consider a none Stone relationship, because that is too limiting, but I would hope that she would at least try to understand and learn to accept how I am.

Originally Posted by Gemme

Pre-defined.

If I may....kisses are pre-defined. You know what's going to happen, in general, if you kiss someone. Or do you?

Have you ever been kissed in a way and to the point that your heart flutters and your toes tingle? Have you felt the waves of love or lust eminating off of them though they've barely brushed your lips? Have you been kissed in a dirty back alley, hastily, with their hands twisted in your hair as you were shoved up against the brick wall? Have you spent hours lounging in bed, becoming intimately acquainted with another's lips? Have you expected one type of kiss...perhaps chaste...and been surprised by a lengthy, invasive French kiss? Or vise versa?

Every kiss is different, though it is only a kiss. It's pre-defined. Or is it?

My point is that what seems like putting limitations on intimacy to you is really ensuring that our partners (for the most part) will understand HOW we like to kiss, so to speak.

I see Stone as less of an inhibitor and more of a freeing agent, allowing me to be me and him to be himself, and both of us with the understanding of how we prefer to move within our intimate relationship...and how we like to kiss.

I love this analogy. I don't think there is anything as powerful or as intimate as a kiss, or as revealing either.

Originally Posted by Converse

One of my favourite responses was years ago, when a Femme, a woman of maturity and incredible grace, was asked by a ‘would be suitor” what he could do to have her consider him- to which she replied “Darling if it were as simple as having surgery, I would of course suggest it, a little snipping would be a small price to pay- however, there is nothing can be done. I’m afraid you must blame your parents for providing you with that defective second chromosome. Now please go and pout elsewhere- you are blocking my view to that incredibly good looking Butch”

I loved the dignity in this response.

[cuddlyfemme]

Happy New Year Stones!

[DomnNC]

Happy New Year everyone!

[Bit]

I'm glad I found this thread! Thanks for starting it, morningstar! Hello everyone!

I read this quote to Gryph; it had us both laughing hard.

Originally Posted by Converse

I do recall responding when a couple of men, who after spotting me, yelled out at my grrl ‘whats she got that I haven’t?’ and telling them to bend over so I could show them.

Feelin' rather cocky, were ya there?
~~~~~~~~~~

The reason I choose to partner with Stone Butches has to do with energy. When I am with a Stone Butch--dating or not--there is an energy circuit that completes. Two halves of an energy whole come together and the spark, the flow, is exhilaratingly right. I have been with Butches who are not Stone Butches and the energy circuit has been completely unavailable to me; I have merely talked to Stone Butch friends on the phone and the circuit has completed itself in less than a heartbeat after a friend says "hello." It's the rightness, the knowing that "this is the kind of person I am meant to be with," the fit like a hand in a custom-made glove... it's about life, and knowing how to be together in ways that fit both of us at once.

Sexual boundaries are secondary to that. Yes, my sexual boundaries dovetail with those of Stone Butches--BUT if that energy circuit doesn't complete, the relationship would never work no matter how sexually compatible we might be.

For me personally, the energy circuit often completes with Transmen as well. Quite often I discover later that they had considered themselves Stone Butches before they transitioned. Every once in a while it completes with someone who doesn't identify at all as a Stone Butch; then I usually discover that in the kink world, the person identifies as a Daddy.

Since for me this is much more about the energy of life and living together, about the rightness of simply being in the same space together--rather than about observing sexual boundaries--I think of it not as my sexual preference or orientation but as my gender.

[Nightshade]

With all the formatting I don't know how to clip quotes from your message but YES YES YES!!! This is really what it's about for me too. Stone butch or trans... there's an energy that cannot be created, completed or otherwise experienced with any other. I've spent so many years trying to be straight/bi/lesbian/bi... straight...? and none of it fit entirely. I know without a doubt that I am Femme. Stonefemme if that's the proper term for a woman who's always appreciated being a woman who loves those who's masculinity was born into them but not handed to them by biology or society.

Happy New Year all you wonderful, amazing, potent, strongwilled stones!

[Bit]

Hi Nightshade, welcome!

Which editor are you using? If you use the WYSIWYG editor--you can set that preference by going to the top left-hand corner of this page and clicking "User CP"; then click "edit Options" and scroll to the bottom of the page, set the editor you want and click "save changes"--then all you have to do is quote someone and it shows up pre-formatted. You just delete what you don't want from their post and you're good to go.

I like the term Stonefemme, myself. I use it to both talk about my gender and to differentiate myself from Femmes who are sexually stone, since it's so doggoned confusing that we only have the one term (Stone Femme) for two such different meanings.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by Bit

I'm glad I found this thread! Thanks for starting it, morningstar! Hello everyone!

I read this quote to Gryph; it had us both laughing hard.

Feelin' rather cocky, were ya there?
~~~~~~~~~~

The reason I choose to partner with Stone Butches has to do with energy. When I am with a Stone Butch--dating or not--there is an energy circuit that completes. Two halves of an energy whole come together and the spark, the flow, is exhilaratingly right. I have been with Butches who are not Stone Butches and the energy circuit has been completely unavailable to me; I have merely talked to Stone Butch friends on the phone and the circuit has completed itself in less than a heartbeat after a friend says "hello." It's the rightness, the knowing that "this is the kind of person I am meant to be with," the fit like a hand in a custom-made glove... it's about life, and knowing how to be together in ways that fit both of us at once.

Sexual boundaries are secondary to that. Yes, my sexual boundaries dovetail with those of Stone Butches--BUT if that energy circuit doesn't complete, the relationship would never work no matter how sexually compatible we might be.

For me personally, the energy circuit often completes with Transmen as well. Quite often I discover later that they had considered themselves Stone Butches before they transitioned. Every once in a while it completes with someone who doesn't identify at all as a Stone Butch; then I usually discover that in the kink world, the person identifies as a Daddy.

Since for me this is much more about the energy of life and living together, about the rightness of simply being in the same space together--rather than about observing sexual boundaries--I think of it not as my sexual preference or orientation but as my gender.

Cocky hmmmm…perhaps I was just trying to be helpful

I like the “energy circuit” analogy- thank you for articulating it. The discussion around Stone is always interesting; with some wishing to make it a debate about politics and ideologies, and others making it about psychological hurdles concerned with body image and trust. But for me when the conversation involves Stone being a deliberate intellectual choice, or that it is a symptom of something that requires curing i.e. “melting the Stone”, I am at a loss.

It is simply who I am, it is not an activity or a set of guidelines that are followed when the bedroom door is closed- it is who I am when I sit across the dinner table from you, it is who I am when my opinion or advice is sought, it is who I am when I greet or walk beside you. We can only really understand the world from the shoes in which we stand- and although my boots are Stone, they are not heavy or uncomfortable; they instead make me sure footed, connected, confident.

Anybody can change their behaviour; ignoring the fact that I would probably be sporting a twisted ankle within minutes, I’m sure for example I could wear a pair of heels. But as disorientating as that might be to any onlooker, it would be nothing compared to the degree of alienation that I would feel about myself. Can I explain why? No not really- all I know is that is who I am. It feels right and as natural as hmmmm… stone.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Bit

I'm glad I found this thread! Thanks for starting it, morningstar! Hello everyone!

Ahhhhhh, Bit. One of the "mothers" of internet stone butch theory (so to speak), in my opinion. Welcome! <tips hat>

[lipstixgal]

I wonder where all the stone butches are in NJ/NY they keep to themselves I think..