Dating "non single" people

Arwen · 12-25-2010, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa

Wowwow. Are you still taking your meds?

I am a self-imposed, egoless, celibate, who could care less who is cheating on me and with whom, because there is nothing I need from anyone. I have primary and secondary co-dependents and am able to care for both without all this drama. In fact, I'd take on a few more if I knew they could handle me lol.

Was this meant to be rude by asking if Wheelie Strong was taking his meds? I'm asking because I found it rude, but perhaps there is underlying information that I don't have.Or are you the BF?

Confused.

Glenn · 12-25-2010, 11:20 AM

I deleted my post because I knew it was rude. I'm sorry Wheelie and folks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arwen

Was this meant to be rude by asking if Wheelie Strong was taking his meds? I'm asking because I found it rude, but perhaps there is underlying information that I don't have.Or are you the BF?

Confused.

Arwen · 12-25-2010, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa

I deleted my post because I knew it was rude. I'm sorry Wheelie and folks.

Thank you. I know we all fly off the handle sometimes. I've had my fair share of them.

adorable · 12-27-2010, 04:44 AM

OMG OMG!!!!!

Emotional unavailabilty is my FAVORITE thing in the whole world. It MUST be!!!!! No matter what I do, in a room full of 10,000 emotionally available people and ONE, just ONE person with either another relationship going, unresolved mama issues or just a general inability to connect in a meaningful human level - I won't just want to date them - I will want to MARRY THEM!

Why? This is a question I have asked myself over and over and over...It's kind of like eating Big Mac's. Sure they're bad for you, but they are oh so tasty!!! And just one nibble isn't going to hurt! Except that it does. And in relationships with unavailable people, it hurts a lot.

One of the things that I realized about me was that, in chosing people who weren't available, I saved myself from having to truly connect or commit at a meaningful level. Instead I could stay in that "Oh, I will get them to love me!" phase for eternity. A sick part of me enjoys that game.

So there are some relationships that I have learned to stop before they start. Right off the bat, because I have been down these roads before and they are some of the easier red flags to spot...if they are currently involved in a relationship - if they are still hung up on a relationship that is supposed to be over - if they have a history of cheating or abuse - if they have ever been to prison - if they are currently using any form of cocaine - if they are prescribed psychiatric medication and don't take it....
(I ask the questions and listen to the answers. I don't pretend that I am the exception anymore.) I just won't go there now. I have been there, didn't like it and have no desire to return. Life is too short.

JustJo · 12-27-2010, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by adorable

So there are some relationships that I have learned to stop before they start. Right off the bat, because I have been down these roads before and they are some of the easier red flags to spot...if they are currently involved in a relationship - if they are still hung up on a relationship that is supposed to be over - if they have a history of cheating or abuse - if they have ever been to prison - if they are currently using any form of cocaine - if they are prescribed psychiatric medication and don't take it....
(I ask the questions and listen to the answers. I don't pretend that I am the exception anymore.) I just won't go there now. I have been there, didn't like it and have no desire to return. Life is too short.

I don't completely agree with your entire list as I've known people who have been to prison and are relationship-worthy...a lot depends on the charge, the reason, their background and what they did there and after....

However, I'd add to it also. My biggest red flag? Those for whom everything is about them, who only ever consider their own feelings or needs, or who have an excuse (or someone else to blame) for everything that has ever gone wrong in their life.

Those scream "narcissist" to me...and I run like hell.

WheelieStrong · 01-07-2011, 03:01 AM

i'm sorry i'm in a bit of a state right now i'm guilty of not reading all your posts on this subject.

Being with my ex is not an option and is not something i would want, i just wouldn't have chosen for her to be my ex or to still live here and i definately never wanted her to be my care staff.

in regards to the man i'm seeing, i seem to have made the dicision for him!

He stayed over last week and i was determind to be happy no matter what, but at one point we went into a card shop and he said he had to buy a card for his boyfriend, i felt like i'd been gutted, and when i saw his choice of card after an eternity (minutes) of fighting back tears, my heart was complete ripped out, i managed to hold it together and i have no idea how, i had to go to the bathroom to prevent myself from crying in front of him and then i sat there and had coffee like all was fine with the world, he knew i wasn't fine, he even called me a liar (nicely) when he asked if i was ok and i said yes, but i figured he either aready knew what was wrong or there was no point going over it.

Last night in a text he gave me the impression the boyfriend is here to stay and that i could be around as long as i was ok with that, to which i said i wasn't, it makes me selfish i know but i am madly in love with this man, if being his friend was enough we wouldn't have an issue.

He said if i told him i never wanted to see or hear from him again, i should tell him and he will leave me alone.
God i'm fighting back tears even writing this..
i asked him not to make me say it, but that i would if i had to, he said he needed to know what was going on, so i told him i never want to see or hear from him again!

Now i just wish the world would swallow me whole, it's a complete and utter lie and he knows it.
But he deserves a better life and i just can't be second best any more.

He wants to be my friend but i'm guessing if i'm strong and stay away that will be so much better for everyone.

i just wish i didn't feel so selfish for doing what i think is the right thing.

The_Lady_Snow · 01-07-2011, 06:39 AM

I think you got your answer Wheelie from the horses mouth.. He don't want you like he wants his boy. He made it clear, at this point you should just brush it off, bounce and find someone who is into you. Good luck and stop letting this tool treat you like shit.!!!

Quintease · 06-19-2011, 05:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WheelieStrong

in regards to the man i'm seeing, i seem to have made the dicision for him!

He stayed over last week and i was determind to be happy no matter what, but at one point we went into a card shop and he said he had to buy a card for his boyfriend, i felt like i'd been gutted, and when i saw his choice of card after an eternity (minutes) of fighting back tears, my heart was complete ripped out, i managed to hold it together and i have no idea how, i had to go to the bathroom to prevent myself from crying in front of him and then i sat there and had coffee like all was fine with the world, he knew i wasn't fine, he even called me a liar (nicely) when he asked if i was ok and i said yes, but i figured he either aready knew what was wrong or there was no point going over it.

Last night in a text he gave me the impression the boyfriend is here to stay and that i could be around as long as i was ok with that, to which i said i wasn't, it makes me selfish i know but i am madly in love with this man, if being his friend was enough we wouldn't have an issue.

He said if i told him i never wanted to see or hear from him again, i should tell him and he will leave me alone.
God i'm fighting back tears even writing this..
i asked him not to make me say it, but that i would if i had to, he said he needed to know what was going on, so i told him i never want to see or hear from him again!

Now i just wish the world would swallow me whole, it's a complete and utter lie and he knows it.
But he deserves a better life and i just can't be second best any more.

He wants to be my friend but i'm guessing if i'm strong and stay away that will be so much better for everyone.

i just wish i didn't feel so selfish for doing what i think is the right thing.

You wanted him to break up with his boyfriend? *shakes head*

I used to be that person, in a relationship, madly in love with my girlfriend and dating other people. To be honest, had any of them asked me to break up with my girlfriend, I would have said no, I would have given them the option to walk away, and I probably would have lost a bit of respect for them.

He's in a relationship. Regardless of your feelings, if you can't accept that then it really is best if you walk away. Anything else would be cheating. His boyfriend is clearly trusting him to not run off with someone else, or let another person come between them, and if he's a decent chap he will honour that trust.

I hope one day the two of you can be friends again.

01-07-2011, 06:39 AM	#7
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,094 Times in 15,676 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	I think you got your answer Wheelie from the horses mouth.. He don't want you like he wants his boy. He made it clear, at this point you should just brush it off, bounce and find someone who is into you. Good luck and stop letting this tool treat you like shit.!!! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

12-27-2010, 04:44 AM	#4
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,643 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725119	OMG OMG!!!!! Emotional unavailabilty is my FAVORITE thing in the whole world. It MUST be!!!!! No matter what I do, in a room full of 10,000 emotionally available people and ONE, just ONE person with either another relationship going, unresolved mama issues or just a general inability to connect in a meaningful human level - I won't just want to date them - I will want to MARRY THEM! Why? This is a question I have asked myself over and over and over...It's kind of like eating Big Mac's. Sure they're bad for you, but they are oh so tasty!!! And just one nibble isn't going to hurt! Except that it does. And in relationships with unavailable people, it hurts a lot. One of the things that I realized about me was that, in chosing people who weren't available, I saved myself from having to truly connect or commit at a meaningful level. Instead I could stay in that "Oh, I will get them to love me!" phase for eternity. A sick part of me enjoys that game. So there are some relationships that I have learned to stop before they start. Right off the bat, because I have been down these roads before and they are some of the easier red flags to spot...if they are currently involved in a relationship - if they are still hung up on a relationship that is supposed to be over - if they have a history of cheating or abuse - if they have ever been to prison - if they are currently using any form of cocaine - if they are prescribed psychiatric medication and don't take it.... (I ask the questions and listen to the answers. I don't pretend that I am the exception anymore.) I just won't go there now. I have been there, didn't like it and have no desire to return. Life is too short.

01-07-2011, 03:01 AM	#6
WheelieStrong Junior Member How Do You Identify?: transman on Wheels Preferred Pronoun?: his, him, he, bitch, MINE lol Relationship Status: Hopeful, longing aching for her touch Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Stafford England Posts: 97 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 264 Thanked 142 Times in 57 Posts Rep Power: 57546	i'm sorry i'm in a bit of a state right now i'm guilty of not reading all your posts on this subject. Being with my ex is not an option and is not something i would want, i just wouldn't have chosen for her to be my ex or to still live here and i definately never wanted her to be my care staff. in regards to the man i'm seeing, i seem to have made the dicision for him! He stayed over last week and i was determind to be happy no matter what, but at one point we went into a card shop and he said he had to buy a card for his boyfriend, i felt like i'd been gutted, and when i saw his choice of card after an eternity (minutes) of fighting back tears, my heart was complete ripped out, i managed to hold it together and i have no idea how, i had to go to the bathroom to prevent myself from crying in front of him and then i sat there and had coffee like all was fine with the world, he knew i wasn't fine, he even called me a liar (nicely) when he asked if i was ok and i said yes, but i figured he either aready knew what was wrong or there was no point going over it. Last night in a text he gave me the impression the boyfriend is here to stay and that i could be around as long as i was ok with that, to which i said i wasn't, it makes me selfish i know but i am madly in love with this man, if being his friend was enough we wouldn't have an issue. He said if i told him i never wanted to see or hear from him again, i should tell him and he will leave me alone. God i'm fighting back tears even writing this.. i asked him not to make me say it, but that i would if i had to, he said he needed to know what was going on, so i told him i never want to see or hear from him again! Now i just wish the world would swallow me whole, it's a complete and utter lie and he knows it. But he deserves a better life and i just can't be second best any more. He wants to be my friend but i'm guessing if i'm strong and stay away that will be so much better for everyone. i just wish i didn't feel so selfish for doing what i think is the right thing.