Poly Relationships

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by La Perla

I can imagine it would take a great deal of emotional maturity. I am happy that you found a wonderful family, and such a positive dynamic. What was going through my mind with freedom and responsibility? I was imagining that having a poly relationship would be a sort of freedom, at least from the cookie cutter "norm", and that feels inspiring to me. But I imagine that freedom comes with a need to be very responsible in dealing with your emotions and feelings in a way that keeps peace and harmony. Imagining being key here.

Ahhh I see... You are dead right about being responsible with emotions.. and acting on them.. It's quite a learning experience, learning to deal with lots of emotions and ascertaining whether they are old stuff or new stuff. Sometimes an emotion can catch us off guard and we don't know what to do with it.. The responsible thing to do is not react to it, think about it and not act emotionally. Easier said than done but it is something I strive for.

[aurora]

Like my Spirit sister Sassy, I have always considered myself to be wired poly. Our lovely family has come together after a few years of Syr getting to know Sassy fairly well. I have just had a few months of loving and learning to work with my dear sister. It is definitely a journey and a work in progress.

For me, one of the most important factors for the potential long-term success of this triangle of love and marriage is the fact that I was the one to ask for the permanent addition of Sassy to our home. That is the key for me in managing the insecurities and occasional PMS spin-outs. My deep 15 year love for Syr, and my love and dedication of my spirit sister, are kept clear in my mind at times of self-doubt by that knowledge.
I have heard from others that have had a new partner imposed upon them, and heard the pain and suffering that followed the shift in the relationship. I am glad that in this thread, there is a strong opinion that good clear communication, and full agreement within the family on such a change, is extremely important.

As mentioned before work and clear communication is soooo important. Compassion and forgiveness and a desire to admit being wrong is also very important. One of the greatest benefits for me is suddenly having a friend to talk with who thinks the way I think about many things. In D/s relationships our partner is often our polar opposite in many ways, so having someone to just do girl-talk with about things one would not want to bother Syr. Sassy and I are learning a lot from each other, we are similar in some ways but very different in other ways. We are using that as a strength to grow in the relationship with each other and with Syr. Between job sharing and friendship and love, the extra work that is required is small compared to the benefits we are finding in our every day life now.

[girl_dee]

great points Sister aurora.

It is true, most poly relationships consist of one Dominant who will choose to bring a new partner in, pretty much whenever they want to. I am glad this is not our case ( I would have never ventured into that). The marriage that I entered into was solid, I am an addition to that. No one was looking for another partner. It just happened. It all made sense at that point.

Not being *brought* in to fill a void, or fix anything has made me very willing to venture into this. It works. We are not perfect but a life without even the smallest challenges would not be growing.

Having the Sisterly bond with aurora is also incredible. We've always connected somewhat and this is the greatest level of that. Talking things out and connecting is a wonderful gift.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

It is true, most poly relationships consist of one Dominant who will choose to bring a new partner in, pretty much whenever they want to.

i really don't see this. i am not sure i have ever seen someone bring in a new person to a family without any preparation or negotiation, whether they "can" or not. i imagine it happens, but . . .

And most poly isn't D/s either.

[aurora]

Yes, indeed the Ds poly is a fairly small population in the community as a whole. And a successful poly dynamic is always based upon the feelings and needs of everyone involved. But within the BDSM community, where there are situations where the power exchange allows (with previous agreement) one member of the family to make choices for the others that would normally have to be negotiated continuously, there is the room for imposed additions. And, from what I have seen, even though the submissive members have given consent to whatever is to happen, it does not work out well if the new person is brought in without full, whole-hearted agreement from the more senior members.
Also, some of the Ds poly situations are more loosely-knit leather families where most live in other cities and are not in the same house...in this case the poly family members might feel a loss of extra communication with the Dom(me) when a new member is added, but are not in the day-to-day sharing the bathroom type communication with the other family members.

[aurora]

It also might be useful to chat about the different challenges and rewards that are found in online poly vs. in house poly. Many of the modern poly families I have met include a certain amount of online relationships, and this is a very interesting element to consider.