Stone Butches

[chrisbutch]

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

Speaking for myself only...I prefer to learn this when I am first getting to know someone because it's a big part of who they are. But again, that's just me.

[stonebutchinpa]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

I like to tell woman I am dating right up front, because being with a stone isn't for everyone.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by stonebutchinpa

I like to tell woman I am dating right up front, because being with a stone isn't for everyone.

I date butches. I never assume anything when it comes to sex. Honestly sweetie in my 20 years dating butches none of them came and told me how they wanted to be touched. I always ask when I feel we are moving in that direction.

You're a cutie! How did I miss you and just a state away! Should you ever want to interact with an older woman I hope you'll look me up.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

I prefer this conversation when its about to get intimate as far as connected chemistry goes. I would not have it just meeting someone. In fact I'm put off, turned off when a new interaction, getting to know someone becomes too sexual. If I'm interested, feelings mutual then before we proceed we do need that talk.

[chrisbutch]

Ok, all good advice thanks! But surely, now call me old fashioned, people should get to know each other slowly, and let things develope. Sexual preferences are not what early dating conversation should be about??

[waxnrope]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Ok, all good advice thanks! But surely, now call me old fashioned, people should get to know each other slowly, and let things develope. Sexual preferences are not what early dating conversation should be about??

Chris, I think that the type of "date" or encounter determines the circumstances. If one is into bdsm, IMO only, one explores the boundaries and limitations of the other as prelude to possible play. For *me*, this would mean that I divulge my stone id. Perhaps this is not necessary in that I am a Dominant, but I always want to be clear, up front, and understood about My boundaries. I expect my "date" to do the same, and will ask pointed questions about hers. For me, it is not only understanding her medical condition/s or play preferences/aversions. It is deeper than that. Then again, I am speaking of something outside of a "vanilla" experience (I don't know that I like that term. It feels derogatory, yet it is nearly universally understood ...) and my response might not be appropriate for discussion here with respect to your question.

Having said this, in a "vanilla" situation, a date, depending upon the energy that transpires between us, my disclosure as stone would come forth if I felt there was something developing between us. I can almost "smell" the other's desire ... Otherwise, if it "feels" more like friendship material instead of something more, I don't see any reason to discuss this with her. I have a lot of femme friends. Eventually, the topic comes up ... but not because it needs to be discussed ... it is more the level of friendship. The level of sharing, which brings this up during the deep exchanges between two close friends.

Hmmm. I may have muddied the waters here!

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by waxnrope

Chris, I think that the type of "date" or encounter determines the circumstances. If one is into bdsm, IMO only, one explores the boundaries and limitations of the other as prelude to possible play. For *me*, this would mean that I divulge my stone id. Perhaps this is not necessary in that I am a Dominant, but I always want to be clear, up front, and understood about My boundaries. I expect my "date" to do the same, and will ask pointed questions about hers. For me, it is not only understanding her medical condition/s or play preferences/aversions. It is deeper than that. Then again, I am speaking of something outside of a "vanilla" experience (I don't know that I like that term. It feels derogatory, yet it is nearly universally understood ...) and my response might not be appropriate for discussion here with respect to your question.

Having said this, in a "vanilla" situation, a date, depending upon the energy that transpires between us, my disclosure as stone would come forth if I felt there was something developing between us. I can almost "smell" the other's desire ... Otherwise, if it "feels" more like friendship material instead of something more, I don't see any reason to discuss this with her. I have a lot of femme friends. Eventually, the topic comes up ... but not because it needs to be discussed ... it is more the level of friendship. The level of sharing, which brings this up during the deep exchanges between two close friends.

Hmmm. I may have muddied the waters here!

I agree with you completely, Wax. (That is, except that I think vanilla is as fine a flavor as any other, and not at all derogatory.) When I'm at a BDSM party and flirting with a potential playmate I state my boundaries right up front. That includes my stonefemme boundaries if it seems as if the play we're negotiating could lead to or include sex.

When I'm in a less sexually explicit environment I disclose the information as early as is polite, and I only do so on a need-to-know basis. Stone boundaries aren't the only ones I state up-front. I'm also non-monogamous, and I make sure that information comes up early on, too. Unfortunately for me, that info acts as really effective 'butch-repellent', so I can skip to the disappointment stage before I start to get emotionally involved. Sigh.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Ok, all good advice thanks! But surely, now call me old fashioned, people should get to know each other slowly, and let things develope. Sexual preferences are not what early dating conversation should be about??

For me saying that I am stone is not sexualizing a conversation or discussing sexual preferences. To me, sexual preferences are: Do you like vibrators?

That isn't similar to stone. Stone is: I do not allow someone to touch my genitals or chest. Are you interested in touching your partner in those areas? If the answer is yes, then I would not be able to meet that person's needs sexually. Subsequently, it would make no sense for us to date....why begin the process if it can not go anywhere?

[stonebutchinpa]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

For me saying that I am stone is not sexualizing a conversation or discussing sexual preferences. To me, sexual preferences are: Do you like vibrators?

That isn't similar to stone. Stone is: I do not allow someone to touch my genitals or chest. Are you interested in touching your partner in those areas? If the answer is yes, then I would not be able to meet that person's needs sexually. Subsequently, it would make no sense for us to date....why begin the process if it can not go anywhere?

I agree 100% Dapper.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Ok, all good advice thanks! But surely, now call me old fashioned, people should get to know each other slowly, and let things develope. Sexual preferences are not what early dating conversation should be about??

to me this is a yes and no answer to your ?
sexual conversation should be at the bottom of the list of getting to know you stuff... and i can agree to letting things develope, with some old fashion dating..
but ...... its nice to know up front , that should a heated passionate moment should occur.... I want to know ahead of time , what your boundries are and know how to please you on ways that you feel comfortable with.
If your open to anything.... i want to know that
if you have bounderies I want to know that ...... and not make a mistake or find out down the road at some point that we are NOT compatable in area's we enjoy and how we are to enjoy giving as well as recieving.
I have dated stone and non stones...... and wel im sure missing that stone butch energy, so much. *sigh*
... just my 2 cents..

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

Personally, at first I don't say anything while we're in the "friends" stage but if things seem to start going further than just the "friends" stage, I'm upfront with them right away about being Stone (and answer any questions about what Stone is) because that will help define the relationship since I only go out with Stone Butches

[diamondrose]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

Personally, at first I don't say anything while we're in the "friends" stage but if things seem to start going further than just the "friends" stage, I'm upfront with them right away about being Stone (and answer any questions about what Stone is) because that will help define the relationship since I only go out with Stone Butches

I agree completly

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

I beleive it should be shared once you know the relatiosnhip is heading to a level of romance and sex.


Vanilla, It feels derogatory, yet it is nearly universally understood ..

I agree the tern Vanilla has always sound derogatory to me.. I am stone and consider myself exciting with over flowing passion not afraid to express myself. Vanilla sounds borrowing and limited. but I guess not being part of the BDSM community I would be called Vanilla.

[Converse]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

In the real world there are many types of “engagements” we can have. There are those that involve an unplanned flirtation that leads to a mutually rewarding though relatively brief physical encounter- where having a discussion concerning the intricacies of stone would be as inappropriate as exchanging phone numbers.

In the same vein, if someone had a regularly planned “date” where the relationship didn’t exist outside of the designated time and place, again the need to discuss stone may be considered a poor use of the allotted time.

Both of these examples assume that the stone is also a Top, or Dominant in some way and is “leading’ the encounter, if this is not the case then I would presume that the stone would need to be very explicit before anything physical occurred.

However, as both a Dom and a Top, I personally believe that in situations other than the two just given that stone needs to enter the conversation earlier rather than later.

Perhaps I am unique in my thinking but as a stone, when in a committed and monogamous relationship, concern is always “am I depriving her of something that she will eventually need/want?” so before heading even close to that direction I need to have the discussion, I need to know whether I’m simply being accommodated or whether it is actually her preference.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Converse

... I need to know whether I’m simply being accommodated or whether it is actually her preference.

For me, this is a very significant point. I do not want to date someone who is "ok" with me being Stone or can "give up" being able to touch someone's chest. I want to be with someone who does not want to touch my chest. I don't want someone to give up their desires for me. I want to BE their desire.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

For me, this is a very significant point. I do not want to date someone who is "ok" with me being Stone or can "give up" being able to touch someone's chest. I want to be with someone who does not want to touch my chest. I don't want someone to give up their desires for me. I want to BE their desire.

I totally agree with this from a Stone Femme's point of view. I don't want to date someone that is giving up something they enjoy just because I won't do it. Everyone should get what they want/need. If that means not dating me, then, thats what it means. I want someone that respects what my boundaries are

[PanDragon]

Originally Posted by chrisbutch

Can i ask some advice here?? When is appropriate to tell some that you are stone?? early in the relationship or wait until you get to know them better??

In my experience, it is best to be up front. In my experience there are few and far between who can handle a stone. I can't count the lectures I've got on 'right reciprocity', but when I've been upfront, even before I enter a relationship, the results have been much more mutually fulfilling.