Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[Hollylane]

First and foremost....Turn off your cell phone....be present..be in the moment...as much as I enjoy romance...I personally love spontaneity and originality...smell good, and look good enough to munch on.... Save the flowers, they die, I'd rather be taken to where flowers live....

[imperfect_cupcake]

First and most importantly, I don't think you can assume anything about how someone wants to be treated on a date, simply because of their gender.

I think for a date to go well, the natural flow has to happen, between the people. For example, the first date my wife took me on, she cycled to my house at 8am, right after her shift at the hospital to take me out to Hampstead Heath's women's pond to go swimming. We sat on my bead and she brought a bottle of reasonably priced but nice sparkling wine (southafrican, I think probably about £7) with some smoked salmon ends (cheap. 80 pence) and some crusty rolls (40 pence each. So champers breckfast for two, in bed = £8.60, less than a meal at Mc Donlads).

we then has some leisurely sex and went to the pond for a summer afternoon swim and a long talk with lots of laughing.

She came back home with me and I cooked her a lovely dinner.

That's not a typical date (we'd known each other a monht before sleeping together and we had finally gone home with each other after she asked if I was going to a club night in soho that night - that wasn't a date, I was already going and she had mates with her)

I'm glad we slept together before dating. It made everything a hell of a lot easier in terms of what we could do on a date. And frankly, I'd rather have a picnic than a restaurant, a swim in a pond in stead of theater, a free museum jaunt and a bicycle ride together along the marshes than a drive to some soiree/gallery opening with beer at £4 a bottle.

SO she was perfect for me. The first night I met her I actually bought her the beer after a certain point because she had just graduated as a student and had run out of cash. We were at a squat rave party so it was only £1 a can. Neither of us cared who paid for what, we were so enamoured by each other.

I love being treated and spoiled and so does she. She loves blowing her money on me if she ever has any (which is now half mine anyway and vice versa because we only have a single bank account) and I love buying stuff for her. But we don't have cash at the moment so she spoils me by doing other things. Like doing all the housework when I'm exhausted, instead of half. Pouring me a bath with oils and candles. letting me pick the movie (and it being a period drama, which she tolerates when she's being indulgent), giving me a massage.

And fuck me, do I ever appreciate those things!!!


The dates she takes me on now always makes me feel like I'm her Beloved no matter what £ is involved or not. because she's thought about *me* - what would barb like? before taking me on one. I do the same for her when I take her on one.

[tapu]

I usually start with, "You wanna date me? I'll let ya." and take it from there.







Labels: humor, parody

[*Anya*]

Show genuine interest in me as a person, I, in return, will do the same. If I date you, I am genuinely interested in knowing you.

I would rather sit and just have coffee & chat than go to the movies on a first date.

Be real with me. If I go out with you, I am already impressed by you so no pretense is necessary.

Understand that I am just as anxious as you are that the date go well, though I may now outwardly show it.

No expensive fancy date needed (though that is fun too). A picnic at the beach or a park is great.

Splitting the cost of the date is fine. Just because you are butch does not mean I expect you to pay but be honest ahead of time. If you do not bring it up, I will to make you more comfortable.

If you really like me, please let me know. I hate to guess. If you decide you do not want to see me again, be honest & tell me. I will do the same.

Be respectful, honor my boundaries.

Good hygiene, no bad breath please.

Please, no stories about femmes that did you wrong in the past. I will refrain from telling you stories about butches that did me wrong; in return.

In a nutshell: be the sweet, charming, open and honest butch that I know you are, even before I really know you.

[msW8ing]

My most memorable date that I hold dearly in memories to this day,being young and as broke as we both were, new how much I loved Melissa Etheridge and instead of expensive flowers (which die) wrote on a plain piece of notebook papers the lyrics to one of her songs. (this was before you could google the lyrics, so they actually listened to the song enough to write the lyrics), we took a thermos of coffee and a blanket to my back yard and laid under the moon and stars and just talked, laughed and shared, wants, desires, dreams, goals and laughter. Even though it was many many years ago I still have that piece of notebook paper with those lyrics on it, and remember the aroma of thier cologne. IMHO the greatest gifts anyone can give another is thier time, (seems it's the one things most of us just don't have enough of). And to share themselves with another. In my many years of dating I've had great ones and not so great ones. Gotta love the "wandering eyes" type of dates lol.

[gaea]

I love how diverse we all are....

for me personally, i am old school and i love old school treatment....please pay for my dinner, open my doors, hold my hand or let my hand rest in the crook of your arm, make sure im on the inside as we walk down a street this shows the world that you respect me and that im yours for the evening.

im not opposed to "dutch" just communicate that.


im also not opposed to planning a date...however i don't want to plan the first one..immediate turn off for me...im also not flattered when someone says i want to take you out on a date by the way i want you to also pay...again another turn off.

yes sometimes knowing who is paying for dinner and such is important.......

communication is important upfront....

[msW8ing]

Surprises just ROCK! Pick me up from work..take me for a drive..stop the car because it's a great song in the Wal Mart parking lot if need be and ask me to dance..look at me like you've haven't seen me for a lifetime..kiss so deeply I forget to breathe...come over at 3am because it's a nasty storm and you know how much I secretly fear them..hold me to make me feel safe. You get the idea I'm sure. I'm old school as well. And I refuse to believe chivalry is dead. I still believe in knights in rusted/dented armor.lol

[cinderella]

courtesy, generosity, chivalry, and good manners. And a little bit of innocent flirting with me wouldn't hurt anything.

[Sachita]

My situation is a bit unique and my needs different then the typical.

If someone dates me it means they have to come here and sense it's out in the country, normally requires a drive, they normally stay the night. Therefore I only date someone I've spent time with getting to know. I have met people for coffee in Greensboro and Raleigh but its hard for me to just slip out and spend a few hours for coffee.

I'm happy to plan and cook. I think its rude to go to someone's house empty handed. I don't even do this, especially when someone is entertaining me. Do a little research and surprise me. A bottle of wine, flowers, a plant, anything. I also expect you to help out with cleaning up after. If you come for the weekend help me around the farm. Yes- I put them to work! If they can't handle some work then they probably won't fit into my lifestyle anyhow.

I don't expect someone to pay. It depends on who ask whom and what we're doing. If someone takes me out to dinner I expect them to pay. I reciprocate by inviting them for a home cooked meal.

I really enjoy someone who is intelligent and creative. Someone who plans a surprise for me and helps me make the available time. It can be a trip to the lake, a hike, go fishing, kayaking, movie, dinner, almost anything. I hate always making plans and deciding.

Its not what we do so much as the energy present. I prefer someone attentive and affectionate. Good conversation without effort.

[Amber2010]

For me it is the time spent with me on the date...
I am just as happy walking the beach with the date as sitting in a concert... Well more happy with the beach.. we are able to talk and i do love to talk and be heard .... I guess it is the company that is most important to me.. Don't get me wrong I do love to be taken out from time to time... But a quick call saying hey do you feel like getting out and hitting the park or beach or just enjoying each other is just as important to me.

[Sachita]

wine me, dine me, 69 me. lol oppps

Your all funny.

I ain't never turning down a gift. Bring me lots of flowers. Spoil me. I'll spoil ya back. Don't ever keep me waiting.

[girl_dee]

Gawd I hate dates.

Take me fishing, that'll work. Let me drive the boat please and thank you.

[clay]

You are so badddddd....lol. Great posts all!!!! Hope is okay for a "butch" to post! I got "derailed" once already!!! lol Clay

Originally Posted by Sachita

wine me, dine me, 69 me. lol oppps

Your all funny.

I ain't never turning down a gift. Bring me lots of flowers. Spoil me. I'll spoil ya back. Don't ever keep me waiting.

[Abigail Crabby]

I don't date anymore ...wait we still do date nite so I suppose I do date. But just Him *grin*

On our first *official* date, Daddy took me to a Red Sox game !!!!

He listened to me when we talked about what I liked. So this dyed in the wool Yankee Fan got really great seats and took me to a Red Sox game.

I don't need fancy dinners to impress me, but I do like to get dressed up and enjoy an evening out on the town.

Flowers don't impress me anymore because they die, but to have something planted just for me is the bomb.

Strolls on the beach and stop by a place that sells seafood wins my heart, even tho He doesn't eat it, he always picks a place that He knows they offer seafood because I do.

For me it's the little things, making sure we have a place to enjoy our meal and conversation.

and allowing me to pay now and then - I like planning a date as well and I like knowing we went somewhere special as my treat. I think a lot of people just assume a butch has to pay and I don't. If I'm flush I'm all about spoiling my date - well He's my last date lol but I do love to spoil him in return.

I'm digressing - I guess what I would add is find out what she likes, and pay attention to her. Put away the cell phone, and try to go somewhere new where you have the time to give her the attention and not your friends who happen to be hanging in your favorite place.

The spit and shine is a given, even if it's a beach date a clean butch is a dateable butch lol.

Open her door, shower her with attention, if you feel the need bring her a single rose to let her know you were thinking of her. IMHO giving presents on a date is not something I would want....

If you get to date 2 by then you know her fav music and bringing along a cd is acceptable.

Don't get drunk!! nothing worse than being with someone and you're drunk and you're their ride home.

Keep your ex in a neat lil box where she belongs.....I can't stress that enough. You're dating her not the ex lol

Be yourself, be pleasant and charming, the person you presented to her when you asked for the date.

Don't assume sex - it's a date not a committment

[ScandalAndy]

My biggest pet peeve: " I don't know, what do YOU want to do?"

So help me, if you ask me out and you don't have a plan, I will get right out of that car and go back in the house!

i love surprises. One time a very good friend of mine picked me up at my house and made me put a blindfold on. After an hour I was still giddy, but mildly cranky and started being a pain in the butt. He parked and let me peek out the bottom of the blindfold so i could see the paving stone path I needed to walk on, then i had to be all blindfolded again until he put my hand on a railing and it sounded like thunder everywhere.

He took me to Niagara Falls at night to see the lightshow on the mist. It was the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me, and it surprised the hell out of me.

A surprise. Something beautiful. Plenty of time to talk or just be quiet and enjoy the experience together. That's what I love.

Although, at this point I would just be happy to get asked out at all. I'm with some of the others who have posted here, I'm over being the emotional and financial support for masculine-types who have some work to do. Maybe I'm less warm now that I'm looking out for myself, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

[WickedFemme]

Just have manners, be well groomed and please by all means put the damn cell phone away and don't text or talk about your ex's or any other gossip for that matter. Just be yourself and have a good time. the texting is such a pet peeve. I get so annoyed when I'm out for dinner with friends and they are texting. I'm sure it can wait - really.

I'm so glad I'm not dating and good luck!

[atomiczombie]

It's great to see this thread going again.

[betenoire]

This sounds pretty good to me

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/stp/2582878028.html

Wanna Explore A Haunted Asylum? - m4w - 20 (Guildwood)
Date: 2011-09-05, 11:22AM EDT
Reply to:
Have you heard of the Guildwood Inn? If you have, there's a chance you know of it's paranormal background. If you haven't heard of it, it's been around since the early 1900s. It was used to treat ill soldiers in the mid 40s after World War II. The basement is where the mental patients were kept. Stories say that some unknowing souls are still wandering about down there..
This isn't for the faint of heart. Also, security patrols the perimeter of the now boarded up and abandoned institution. I'm looking to infiltrate it with a courageous girl who is alright with the idea of sneaking past security and breaking into a supposedly haunted house.
Doesn't have to be anytime soon; I would like enough time to get to develop a friendship first.

http://www.hauntingsresearch.org/Guild.html

[lettertodaddy]

I like chivalry. Open the door for me. You don't have to pull my chair out for me, but you get bonus points if you do.

Talk to me. If I wanted a monosyllabic troglodyte, I'd date a (male) hockey player. Talk to me about anything, from the fantastic to the mundane, from the sacred to the profane, but talk to me. I promise you I'm listening, and I promise you're not boring me.

Make eye contact once in awhile, especially if you see I'm having a hard time meeting your gaze. Let me know it's OK, that you think I'm OK. Or better than OK.

Be present. It's OK to check your phone or wristwatch for the time, but the time we spend together is a gift and an honor. Treat it as such.

Don't assume that my answer's going to be yes at the end of the night, regardless of whether it's our first date our our thirty-first.

I guess this means I'm high maintenance.

Touch my hand now and again when we're talking, or even if we aren't. If you're getting good signals from me, feel free to touch the small of my back when we're walking, or touch my knee when we're sitting next to each other. I'm shy, so whatever little signals you can throw my way to let me know you're interested, keep them coming.

[storyspinner70]

Way late since you posted this, but here are my ideas anyway...lol...It's definitely different for everyone, and I think you get into trouble if you fall into this "one size fits all" dating idea. Good hygiene and a clean vehicle and house are fundamental and should be kind of a given, regardless of the interaction. But when you say, "I'm going to treat her like a lady", or "I'm going to open your doors", etc, that's probably not going to be a problem in general, but not everyone appreciates those things. I, for example, am not romantic. Romance makes me uncomfortable and on edge. Open my doors, profer your arm, but if it's early in our dating history, I'd rather not have a gift from you. It makes the playing field uneven and I don't like that. I don't care where we go to eat (as long as there's something besides seafood - allergic...lmao), or what we may choose to do, I'll diplomatically (usually - unless i really hate it, then i'll generally be charming about it but not so diplomatic...lol) tell you i wasn't fond of whatever it was. For me, I won't be judging on those things. I won't be counting how many times you said fuck or if you spread your napkin just so in your lap. I'll be gauging the sound of your voice and the way you speak to me. I'll be remembering how much I laughed and how we dealt with the awkwardness that will always accompany early dates. I'll think about how often you touched me and how much you used your eyes and mouth to flirt with me. I won't care if you call me the next day or text me that very same night, but will assume we were an ember not a spark if it takes a week. I will remember the effort you made to get to know me and how easy you made it for me to get to know you. I'll remember how you deal with my unfortuantely smart ass mouth and if your humor meshes with my perverse one. Ultimately, I won't remember trappings and gentile manners, but I'll remember how genuine you are. I'll judge you not by what you do for me, but how real you are with me. These things are what matter to me and the women like me. This ended up long af, sorry...lmao...but here you go anyway...lol