Female Bodies Across Gender Identities

[Jess]

Thanks Cheryl for a great point of view. I guess when I was first reading the bathroom/ changing room issue, I was thinking more about the discomfort I feel ( and impose upon) other women in these spaces and not necessarily the discomfort and risk involved in sharing such a private space with men.

I appreciate the chance to remember that yes, I DO feel threatened in vulnerable spaces with men.

There is no easy answer or quick fix. I will just continue the Kegel exercises and try to keep holding it..LOL!

Good to see you posting here!

[BullDog]

Thank you Cheryl and Jess. I feel the same way Jess does. I am usually thinking about comfort level more than danger level, but if I think about it more I do need to be careful. I don't use Mens bathrooms, but I will use a Mens changing room if it's not too crowded and I am feeling ok about it. Otherwise I carry my clothes to the Womens dept.

Anyone can be a good person. Anyone can physically or sexually assault someone. However, the fact of the matter is a majority of these types of crimes are committed by men against women. So it would be naive and dangerous to just all of sudden do away with all gendered public spaces, in my opinion. We need to work on the underlying issues and what is causing people to be potentially unsafe in the first place. I do like unisex for bathrooms that are one stall. That's only feasible for small public spaces.

I also do try and be aware that if someone does mistake me for male (usually only very temporary) that I do what I can to make them feel at ease. If a woman thinks a male is a woman's space the gut reaction might be fear. People definitely have narrow definitions of what a woman or female looks like or is, and it can be hurtful and uncomfortable to us to feel we can't even pee out in public, but women do need to be cautious around males they don't know. If they don't know you and don't know you are a woman/female they are likely to be wary. They have good reason to be.

[Jett]

I totally agree with your line of thinking Cheryl... I don't think gender separation is flawed, I think it's crucial some gender spaces remain separate. The separating by sexuality doesn't fly with me because though sure same sex "abuse" does happen... when's the last time anyone's heard of a lesbian rapist terrorizing the women of a city? So I'll be honest whenever I hear that retort that "it's not just the men who are violent" I feel like flipping the bird and walking because that's really splitting hairs it's finest and feels dismissive to the plight of violence against women by men, like blowing off something that needs more awareness not downplay.

That said, I've used the mens john, and mens changing room as I said I don't think about that last one as it's the dept. I'm shopping in. I need to start thinking though, masculine or not the implications for a female in that space are be the same. I think similar to Bull and Jess I've been more thinking comfort level, because when I do use the womens room(s) I do feel like I may startle or make someone uncomfortable though it's usually only for a moment. But bottom line it certainly doesn't make me personally uncomfortable for my own sake to be in or use female only spaces but it does in mens.

And as it's been said I don't feel "afraid", but I do feel very "aware" when I'm in men's spaces or men are in certain spaces, and I don't think you have to be afraid to be smart about controlling those cross interactions whenever possible. I don't think I can justify using the mens anything room at this point, for what end? That I don't make someone do a double take at me and then the sign on the door? They almost always have the "aha" moment anyway and we all survive the 10 second ordeal.

Thanks for making me re-think...
Metro

[BullDog]

Yes Cheryl, Jess and Metro's posts are definitely making me think about things more. I do think butches are so used to tuning out some of the reactions from people around us (stares, comments etc) that we sometimes may overlook our own safety. That isn't always the case, but I know I can be pretty oblivious at times. I have noticed when I am with femme(s) or straight women that they seem to be more hyper aware of safety issues and the environment around them than I am. I do think as butches we tend to tune some things out sometimes. Then again, other butches might have been subjected to a lot more dangerous situations than I have and be a lot more on guard and aware.

I think Metro also makes a good point that if a butch's presence is only likely to cause maybe a 10 second double take, it shouldn't cause us to feel like we can't be in a woman's space, particularly if we are looking out for our own safety as we as comfort zone.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by BullDog

Yes Cheryl, Jess and Metro's posts are definitely making me think about things more. I do think butches are so used to tuning out some of the reactions from people around us (stares, comments etc) that we sometimes may overlook our own safety. That isn't always the case, but I know I can be pretty oblivious at times. I have noticed when I am with femme(s) or straight women that they seem to be more hyper aware of safety issues and the environment around them than I am. I do think as butches we tend to tune some things out sometimes. Then again, other butches might have been subjected to a lot more dangerous situations than I have and be a lot more on guard and aware.

I think Metro also makes a good point that if a butch's presence is only likely to cause maybe a 10 second double take, it shouldn't cause us to feel like we can't be in a woman's space, particularly if we are looking out for our own safety as we as comfort zone.

All good points, Bulldog (and Met). Thanks for this.