Adult Children Moving Home

jelli · 08-05-2011, 08:39 PM

Our son, Garrett(19), married *J* just over 2 months ago, in Michigan, because she claimed she was pregnant. He did/does care about her, but stated he did not want kids nor would he have gotten married. He was trying to do the right thing he claimed.

Once married they relocated here with us. this was for Garrett to get a good job, save, and get a place of their own. Since they've moved here this girl has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster. She supposedly is bipolar or BPD. Totally disruptive, but then can go to miss sweet and innocent butt kisser in the blink of an eye.

Regardless of the amount of assistance and resources you give her she fails to do anything with them unless you call her out. Then she will temporarily appear to be getting her poop in a group, usually long enough for you to be distracted/forget, and then the cycle repeats. we have had so many conversations, family meetings, etc. it goes nowhere, but in a circle.

Lies, blame, snarky, temper tantrums, not saving a dime, trying to get info on Garrett's accounts(his company called him to verify), truly seems like she is 5. Their accounts are separate because he believes she stole a coin that he had and gave to her addict family.

Garrett knows she had lied on more than one occasion about circumstances, but the pregnancy and emotional side put it over the top. He called MI and they stated he would have to discuss with an attorney to even find out if he qualified for an annulment or if he would have to get an attorney for a divorce. Spoke to a local attorney and she mentioned about SC being a no contest state and that they would have to live apart one year before he'd ever see a courtroom.

He wants to send her back to Michigan relatively soon. Soon as in by Sunday.

He plans to do this in a way that there may potential for her to step up and take responsibility for herself and her actions. The ball would be in her court to do the things such as counseling, meds, birth control, school, etc to see if she is actually serious and committed. They can get together periodically to check progress. If not, then they're still been living apart like they would need for a divorce.

I explained you can do whatever you want your relationship/marriage, but you can't do it here because I do not choose to live with her anymore.

I feel bad for him. All he was trying to do was 'the right thing' since she was 'supposedly pregnant'.

Peach · 09-06-2013, 10:27 AM

Since there is no baby on the way (if I read it right) then ask them to move out. Make sure your son is taking responsibility for birth control, she does not seem capable, and might keep trying to get pregnant to tie him to her still. He should have insisted she pee on the stick and prove the pregnancy before marrying her, but....water under the bridge now. Make sure he keeps his eyes open to her!

The_Lady_Snow · 09-06-2013, 10:29 AM

Speaking of preggo tests..

Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist..........

<-- my why am I not cross posting face...

Breathless · 09-06-2013, 10:36 AM

!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of preggo tests..

Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist..........

<-- my why am I not cross posting face...

that is ewwwwww super gross, and wrong on sooo many levels!!

Peach · 09-06-2013, 10:44 AM

I heard this on the news yesterday. i have to say, if I were a guy, who needed proof of pregnancy, knowing this, I would insist on seeing the pee on the stick actually happen. What people won't do these day eh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Speaking of preggo tests..

Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist..........

<-- my why am I not cross posting face...

Amber2010 · 09-06-2013, 12:20 PM

I am not sure if this counts but I have three kids two older girls and one son. Well the son is getting ready to turn 25 and is still living at home. Yes he was in college and does pay his own bills but it can't be healthy to live at home.
I do understand the way things are out there and how hard it is to take care of yourself. If it was better I would have been gone long ago. pfft
I just wonder how kids now a day can call themselves adults and still live at home and have the parent or parents take care of the?

Peach · 09-06-2013, 01:08 PM

do you charge this man, and he is a man, not a child, rent? Does he pay his own bills, groceries, all that? if not, present him with a bill, and an eviction notice, let him choose, pay, or go.

DapperButch · 09-06-2013, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amber2010

I just wonder how kids now a day can call themselves adults and still live at home and have the parent or parents take care of the?

A hell of a lot of kids. In my experience, it is many more boys than girls who do this.

That wasn't an option for us. When TF's son decided to decisively throw away a (pretty much free) 4 year college education after his freshman year, he expected that he would just live at home and continue to work his part-time job and "take a year off in order to figure out what he wanted to do".

This was a no go. Instead, this is what you will be doing, dear boy:

1)You need to get full time hours at current job/a full time job/part-time jobs equaling full time hours within 3 months.
2)You need to pay ____ amount of rent when you get a full time job and until then, you need to pay ____ amount (percentage of income).
3)After getting the full time job we will talk about setting aside so much from your pay check per month and then we will determine how many more months you will live here.
4) You will then move out.
5)If you do not get the full time hours at current job/get full time job in 3 months, you are on the street.

He decided to join the military instead of working full time. Works for us!

Kid heads to boot camp on 9/9/13!

I'm pretty confident that after he gets done with the Army in 4 years he will be mature enough to want to not live with his parents.

Martina · 09-06-2013, 04:49 PM

Rent in the South Bay, where I live, has gone up over 9% in less than a year. It went up the year before. We live in the fifth most expensive city in the U.S. $1700-$1800 is at the bottom of the market for a one-bedroom.

Many students and young workers simply cannot afford to move out. A lot of young people literally have no place else to go than to stay with their parents whether they work full time or not. It is simply not possible to live on what many young workers make in this area.

As a teacher, I am almost priced out of the market. I make a lot of money because I have three Master's degrees. But I am near the bottom of the housing market here.

It's a big big deal and getting to the point that it is affecting the very corporations who have helped create the problem. Good workers, who are not their high paid superstars, are turning down companies' job offers because they don't want to pay what it costs to live here -- especially for what you get (It's NOT San Francisco in terms of culture -- so not -- and it's not a drop dead gorgeous place to live -- endless strip malls).

Working class and middle class young people are screwed if they want to stay here. Their paycheck is a joke in the face of the housing market.

They can buy food and keep a car, but they cannot house themselves. Some college students and young working people live in apartments with five and six people in them, but most people don't want to live like that, and landlords don't want tenants like that.

Point is that it's not that shameful for young folks to live at home here. Where else are they gonna live? I would not send my kid to live in the hood, and, hell, it's not that cheap there.

08-05-2011, 08:39 PM	#1
jelli Member How Do You Identify?: Femmilicious Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: And you said I wasn’t your type!!! Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: SC Posts: 836 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,758 Thanked 1,079 Times in 377 Posts Rep Power: 16588549	Enough is enough... Our son, Garrett(19), married J just over 2 months ago, in Michigan, because she claimed she was pregnant. He did/does care about her, but stated he did not want kids nor would he have gotten married. He was trying to do the right thing he claimed. Once married they relocated here with us. this was for Garrett to get a good job, save, and get a place of their own. Since they've moved here this girl has been nothing but an emotional roller coaster. She supposedly is bipolar or BPD. Totally disruptive, but then can go to miss sweet and innocent butt kisser in the blink of an eye. Regardless of the amount of assistance and resources you give her she fails to do anything with them unless you call her out. Then she will temporarily appear to be getting her poop in a group, usually long enough for you to be distracted/forget, and then the cycle repeats. we have had so many conversations, family meetings, etc. it goes nowhere, but in a circle. Lies, blame, snarky, temper tantrums, not saving a dime, trying to get info on Garrett's accounts(his company called him to verify), truly seems like she is 5. Their accounts are separate because he believes she stole a coin that he had and gave to her addict family. Garrett knows she had lied on more than one occasion about circumstances, but the pregnancy and emotional side put it over the top. He called MI and they stated he would have to discuss with an attorney to even find out if he qualified for an annulment or if he would have to get an attorney for a divorce. Spoke to a local attorney and she mentioned about SC being a no contest state and that they would have to live apart one year before he'd ever see a courtroom. He wants to send her back to Michigan relatively soon. Soon as in by Sunday. He plans to do this in a way that there may potential for her to step up and take responsibility for herself and her actions. The ball would be in her court to do the things such as counseling, meds, birth control, school, etc to see if she is actually serious and committed. They can get together periodically to check progress. If not, then they're still been living apart like they would need for a divorce. I explained you can do whatever you want your relationship/marriage, but you can't do it here because I do not choose to live with her anymore. I feel bad for him. All he was trying to do was 'the right thing' since she was 'supposedly pregnant'. __________________ “Sometimes we make the right decision; sometimes we make the decision right.” “Every conflict is a lesson in self-discovery for both of us. Sometimes it's only hindsight that makes it worth it. For you, I would do it all again.“

09-06-2013, 10:29 AM	#3
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,079 Times in 15,669 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Yikes! Speaking of preggo tests.. Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist.......... <-- my why am I not cross posting face... __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-06-2013, 10:36 AM	#4
Breathless Brat Extraordinaire How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Happy Tournaments Won: 23 Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Alberta Canada Posts: 1,412 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,549 Thanked 4,099 Times in 958 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Speaking of preggo tests.. Today I learned that you can buy +preggo tests on craigslist.......... <-- my why am I not cross posting face... that is ewwwwww super gross, and wrong on sooo many levels!! __________________ *BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi*

09-06-2013, 10:27 AM	#2
Peach Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: happily married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where my hat is Posts: 173 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 69 Thanked 640 Times in 129 Posts Rep Power: 5775547	Since there is no baby on the way (if I read it right) then ask them to move out. Make sure your son is taking responsibility for birth control, she does not seem capable, and might keep trying to get pregnant to tie him to her still. He should have insisted she pee on the stick and prove the pregnancy before marrying her, but....water under the bridge now. Make sure he keeps his eyes open to her!

09-06-2013, 12:20 PM	#6
Amber2010 Member How Do You Identify?: Happy, Crazy, Bubbly, Funny, Strong, Outgoing, Friendly Preferred Pronoun?: Femme Relationship Status: Complicated Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 920 Thanked 594 Times in 154 Posts Rep Power: 3787185	I am not sure if this counts but I have three kids two older girls and one son. Well the son is getting ready to turn 25 and is still living at home. Yes he was in college and does pay his own bills but it can't be healthy to live at home. I do understand the way things are out there and how hard it is to take care of yourself. If it was better I would have been gone long ago. pfft I just wonder how kids now a day can call themselves adults and still live at home and have the parent or parents take care of the?

09-06-2013, 01:08 PM	#7
Peach Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: happily married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: where my hat is Posts: 173 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 69 Thanked 640 Times in 129 Posts Rep Power: 5775547	do you charge this man, and he is a man, not a child, rent? Does he pay his own bills, groceries, all that? if not, present him with a bill, and an eviction notice, let him choose, pay, or go.

09-06-2013, 04:49 PM	#9
Martina Senior Member How Do You Identify?: * Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: * Posts: 4,999 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,409 Thanked 18,286 Times in 4,167 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Rent in the South Bay, where I live, has gone up over 9% in less than a year. It went up the year before. We live in the fifth most expensive city in the U.S. $1700-$1800 is at the bottom of the market for a one-bedroom. Many students and young workers simply cannot afford to move out. A lot of young people literally have no place else to go than to stay with their parents whether they work full time or not. It is simply not possible to live on what many young workers make in this area. As a teacher, I am almost priced out of the market. I make a lot of money because I have three Master's degrees. But I am near the bottom of the housing market here. It's a big big deal and getting to the point that it is affecting the very corporations who have helped create the problem. Good workers, who are not their high paid superstars, are turning down companies' job offers because they don't want to pay what it costs to live here -- especially for what you get (It's NOT San Francisco in terms of culture -- so not -- and it's not a drop dead gorgeous place to live -- endless strip malls). Working class and middle class young people are screwed if they want to stay here. Their paycheck is a joke in the face of the housing market. They can buy food and keep a car, but they cannot house themselves. Some college students and young working people live in apartments with five and six people in them, but most people don't want to live like that, and landlords don't want tenants like that. Point is that it's not that shameful for young folks to live at home here. Where else are they gonna live? I would not send my kid to live in the hood, and, hell, it's not that cheap there.