Parenting

[christie]

Originally Posted by tapu

Hi, Christie.

A couple of things came to mind as I was reading your post...

First, I thought, eh, that's what a guy that age is like. But I figure you've got a handle on that and know that this goes beyond.

Another thing that I get out of it is that you do think he's capable of great improvement in this area. So it's not that he's completely limited in maturing this way. It just hasn't happened.

I assume you do the list thing because I can't imagine getting this far without such proven tools.

I wonder if setting him up in more of a space of his own would eventually lead to natural motivation to improve in this area. Like, I don't know your house set-up obviously, but if he has a bed/bath of his own, or even just a separated out bedroom, and you stop all housekeeping service in there.... Well, eventually he runs out of basketball shorts, too.

It might take a while, which could be blech-y. Most older teen guys just have basically bad hygiene so who wants to sit next to them? Eventually though, he may be motivated to clean up.

The other thing that can jumpstart a kid is developing an interest in romance. You may have to use only a band-aid right now.

I don't know if any of this would be helpful, but I really got into your post. Please give word of how it goes. tapu

Thanks, Tapu for your response.

Unfortunately, he does have his own bedroom and even his own "boy cave" space where his bicycles, "faux" Flex weight machine, the 10 thousand (it seems) airsoft guns and his sword and knife collection lives. It doesn't seem to matter that they are his spaces and that he is responsible for them - he just doesn't care - and I think more than anything, the apathy he has about life just really wears me out.

He is so blessed in comparison to most of the kids in our lil town. Most families in our town have issues with putting food on the table much less to have the abundance of material things we have. It irks me to no end that even when you point out to him his privlige and he acknowledges it, you can still walk into his room and find both of his laptops on the floor, the iPad tossed on the bed amongst just trash, his nasty fingerprints on the flat screen tv - I could just open the window and toss it all in the front yard (except that tidy yard Jess won't let me unless she can pull the Beast (don't ask - its an old truck) under the window so I don't make a mess.

He has a romance of sorts, but manages to shower is she is coming over.

Last night after I made the post, he called to ask if he could spend the night at his friends'. I have told him (and Jess) time and time again that its NOT a good idea to put me on speaker - there is no accounting for what I might say.

Low and behold, I start in on, "What are you and your friends going to do to pay for the $500 pool filter you ruined after you were told not to airsoft in the yard?", quickly followed with, "Are your friends going to help you do your laundry and clean that pig-sty of a room, and while they are at it, are they gonna get in the shower and wash your nasty ass?" (He's almost 18 - saying ass to him isn't the worst thing in the world and sometimes he seems to "hear" me when its not the same Mom speech).

There is a part of me that abhors embarrasing him. Really. There is another part of me that thinks maybe, just maybe, it might make him take action. *shrugs*

I'll keep you posted. I have told him that he might wanna think about getting it together because when Momma comes home this weekend, reality is about to smack him square between the eyes. I'm not sure yet what that entails, but I am certain that its nor going to be pretty.

Originally Posted by jelli

Thank you for posting Christie,

I can't even imagine and major props to you and to Jess for continuously and lovingly striving to help "bratboy" become the most independent and integrated young man as he can possibly be. Go easy on yourselves it reads as if you're doing all you can do at this point.

Have you looked into any local or online support groups?

I took just a moment to look around and found one that has some forums:

http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/

As tapu stated, let us know if you find some resolution. I'm sorry I couldn't be much help.

{{{{{Christie & Jess}}}}}

Jelli -

Thanks for your response.

The unfortunate part of support groups, for me, has always been I have little patience for those who seem to get wrapped up in their issues, wearing them as a blanket to keep them warm - I tried an autism group when he was first diagnosed at 2.5 years and found that most times, it was just a lot of venting and not a lot of practical solutions. I feel like Jess and I spend enough energy talking about it and I just don't want to sacrifice any more of the precious time we have together to "boy issues."

I'm not dismissing anything that you or Tapu offered - really. You have no idea that just someone else heard me means so very much and I appreciate it. I know Jess does too.

Thanks again to you both -

Christie