Parenting

LaneyDoll · 08-11-2011, 03:19 PM

I have been reading this thread for a while and think that everyone has great ideas. My kids are young (the oldest is 13) so I am stashing ideas-lol. I used to have a boss (referred to as B) who had a variation of the "earning back" idea that may help you or someone else following these posts...

Her daughter used to trash her bedroom horribly. So, after endless asking, yelling etc, B removed everything from the bedroom (including the items from the closet). For the first week, the daughter had nothing and had to sleep on the couch. At week two, the girl was allowed to return to her room, with her bed/sheets and dresser (which was emptied). Her daughter had to watch TV in the family room, had no privacy for her phone calls, had to accept the clothes B laid out for her etc. After the determined amount of time for punishment, B's daughter could earn her belongings back. B only had to enforce this punishment once. And, in cleaning out the room, they were able to clean out things that truly needed to go.

Now, obviously this is not feasible if the space in your home is limited (as mine is). Like I said, it may not be an option for everyone but it might be an idea for someone out there.

Happy Parenting

Thinker · 08-11-2011, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LaneyDoll

I have been reading this thread for a while and think that everyone has great ideas. My kids are young (the oldest is 13) so I am stashing ideas-lol. I used to have a boss (referred to as B) who had a variation of the "earning back" idea that may help you or someone else following these posts...

Her daughter used to trash her bedroom horribly. So, after endless asking, yelling etc, B removed everything from the bedroom (including the items from the closet). For the first week, the daughter had nothing and had to sleep on the couch. At week two, the girl was allowed to return to her room, with her bed/sheets and dresser (which was emptied). Her daughter had to watch TV in the family room, had no privacy for her phone calls, had to accept the clothes B laid out for her etc. After the determined amount of time for punishment, B's daughter could earn her belongings back. B only had to enforce this punishment once. And, in cleaning out the room, they were able to clean out things that truly needed to go.

Now, obviously this is not feasible if the space in your home is limited (as mine is). Like I said, it may not be an option for everyone but it might be an idea for someone out there.

Happy Parenting

My wife's son (15 1/2) has only his bed, clothes, and alarm clock in his room. He is not allowed to take his phone or laptop in there, and the charging stations for both are in the main room. He watches the TV in the living room.

It sucks because we have basically lost the living room (except when we all watch something together), but it beats the hell out of the stress we experienced at the start of last school year. Hearing from his teachers that he was falling asleep in class sent me through the friggin' roof.

Gaming systems?

Well....those are a thing of the past in this house. No need for a fancy PS3 when crazed step-dad takes EVERY game to the garage and puts a hammer to 'em. Oh, yes......yes, I did.

(My wife pointed out later how much money we could have sold them for.)

All that to say, I totally dig B's routine!!!

Jess · 08-11-2011, 03:41 PM

I do have this recurring dream, where bratboy asks me if I have seen his ( fill in the blank PSP, Nintendo, XBox, Laptops, Iphone, Ipad, MP3's, air guns, swords, etc) to which I respond," Yes, I saw that!"

My toys: Hack saw, hand saw, jig saw, cut off saw, circular saw, bow saw, table saw, compound mitre saw, reciprocal saw.... I SAW that somewhere...

jelli · 08-11-2011, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thinker

My wife's son (15 1/2) has only his bed, clothes, and alarm clock in his room. He is not allowed to take his phone or laptop in there, and the charging stations for both are in the main room. He watches the TV in the living room.

It sucks because we have basically lost the living room (except when we all watch something together), but it beats the hell out of the stress we experienced at the start of last school year. Hearing from his teachers that he was falling asleep in class sent me through the friggin' roof.

Gaming systems?

Well....those are a thing of the past in this house. No need for a fancy PS3 when crazed step-dad takes EVERY game to the garage and puts a hammer to 'em. Oh, yes......yes, I did.

(My wife pointed out later how much money we could have sold them for.)

All that to say, I totally dig B's routine!!!

Cruel had some issues at one point... I specifically remember her coming home from work and the kids were sitting, yet again, in front of the t.v. and not a chore had actually done.

Cruel unplugged the t.v. and took it to the shed. Of course later we talked and it was brought back in(for me), but everyone got the point LOUD and CLEAR.

DapperButch · 08-11-2011, 04:26 PM

Jess/christie,

I am assuming that the reason you are not grounding him from time with friends is because you want him to socialize, since this is new for him?

You say this is the one thing he values.

Jess · 08-11-2011, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Jess/christie,

I am assuming that the reason you are not grounding him from time with friends is because you want him to socialize, since this is new for him?

You say this is the one thing he values.

We have tried not to do that, however, we are both at the point of yes, we take away his privileges again until he gets it. In the past, his currency was the internet. I had no problem blocking him but he would call his mom at work every ten minutes so I would turn it back on , until she learned that she could just not answer the phone when he was having his little 7 year old tantrums. Now, he knows when I shut it off he doesn't need to bother doing the manipulation trip.

This evening, I made him aware that as of tomorrow morning, there will be no internet and no friends coming or going until his room is cleaned, he is bathed and his laundry done. Of course, he will do what he always does and ask me to leave it on while he is cleaning and of course, I will say no.

I think for me, I get very tired of the same argument, the same issues, over and over and I do just "throw up my hands". I get tired of the privilege, the apathy, the smart ass treatment he gives to his mother and fear becoming just as apathetic where he is concerned.

We'll see how it goes this weekend. We have also set time limits/ curfews for him being out at night and how late his friends can hang out unless it is a sleepover. As this is still "new" to him, the having friends thing, we have been trying to teach him things he would have learned years ago, had he the opportunity/ confidence then to be more social.

Thank you all for being so supportive. We'll just keep pluggin away!

LaneyDoll · 08-12-2011, 07:30 AM

@Jess, y'all just keep sticking to your guns. Whatever routine you establish, the main thing is consistency. If you say you are going to do it, do it. I know it is not always easy, I have my own moments where I want to just give in b/c I am tired or busy. But I have found that things I do not waiver on are rarely an issue.

And, if/when you need to vent, vent here-you seem to have a lot of support here

christie · 08-12-2011, 08:43 AM

Thank you all for your support and hanging in there with us.

The good news of the day is that he has chosen a job coach and it looks like we are well on the way to part-time employment!

Yay!

Happy weekend - ya'll keep an eye out for my impromptu monster truck show in our front yard!

08-11-2011, 03:19 PM	#1
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I have been reading this thread for a while and think that everyone has great ideas. My kids are young (the oldest is 13) so I am stashing ideas-lol. I used to have a boss (referred to as B) who had a variation of the "earning back" idea that may help you or someone else following these posts... Her daughter used to trash her bedroom horribly. So, after endless asking, yelling etc, B removed everything from the bedroom (including the items from the closet). For the first week, the daughter had nothing and had to sleep on the couch. At week two, the girl was allowed to return to her room, with her bed/sheets and dresser (which was emptied). Her daughter had to watch TV in the family room, had no privacy for her phone calls, had to accept the clothes B laid out for her etc. After the determined amount of time for punishment, B's daughter could earn her belongings back. B only had to enforce this punishment once. And, in cleaning out the room, they were able to clean out things that truly needed to go. Now, obviously this is not feasible if the space in your home is limited (as mine is). Like I said, it may not be an option for everyone but it might be an idea for someone out there. Happy Parenting __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

08-11-2011, 04:26 PM	#5
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,814 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Jess/christie, I am assuming that the reason you are not grounding him from time with friends is because you want him to socialize, since this is new for him? You say this is the one thing he values. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

08-12-2011, 07:30 AM	#7
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,683 Times in 1,607 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	@Jess, y'all just keep sticking to your guns. Whatever routine you establish, the main thing is consistency. If you say you are going to do it, do it. I know it is not always easy, I have my own moments where I want to just give in b/c I am tired or busy. But I have found that things I do not waiver on are rarely an issue. And, if/when you need to vent, vent here-you seem to have a lot of support here __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

08-11-2011, 03:41 PM	#3
Jess Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: decidedly indifferent Preferred Pronoun?: other Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Patrick Springs, VA Posts: 2,812 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,247 Thanked 5,700 Times in 1,682 Posts Rep Power: 0	I do have this recurring dream, where bratboy asks me if I have seen his ( fill in the blank PSP, Nintendo, XBox, Laptops, Iphone, Ipad, MP3's, air guns, swords, etc) to which I respond," Yes, I saw that!" My toys: Hack saw, hand saw, jig saw, cut off saw, circular saw, bow saw, table saw, compound mitre saw, reciprocal saw.... I SAW that somewhere...

08-12-2011, 08:43 AM	#8
christie Member How Do You Identify?: A Force with which to be reckoned Preferred Pronoun?: just be nice... Relationship Status: I call her Mine Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Transplanted to the PNW Posts: 1,246 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,552 Thanked 2,476 Times in 706 Posts Rep Power: 14753262	Thank you all for your support and hanging in there with us. The good news of the day is that he has chosen a job coach and it looks like we are well on the way to part-time employment! Yay! Happy weekend - ya'll keep an eye out for my impromptu monster truck show in our front yard!