You Knew You Were a Femme When...

deb_U_taunt · 09-24-2011, 10:06 AM

I can relate. I have never referred to myself as a femme. BUT from my first crush to my first relationship to my last, all butches. Not even a soft butch in there.
I came out at 14 and in the 70s, so butch wasn't the flavor of the day and no internet to find each other. I did always manage to find some mechanic, plumber or the like though. Still nothing like a thick motorcycle riding, independent, boot wearing, blue collar butch. Just sexy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SugarLips

but I don't think there was a moment that I said, "Oh I'm a femme"... I've just always been me... lol

funkyfemme · 09-24-2011, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Debby

Still nothing like a thick motorcycle riding, independent, boot wearing, blue collar butch. Just sexy.

**SWOON** You got that right sister!!

funkyfemme · 09-24-2011, 09:28 PM

I will share my own story of "you knew when.." when i get my thoughts together. I am loving this thread....the sharing and bonding with other femmes is fantastical!!!

Rivkeh · 10-10-2011, 02:10 AM

When I first started going to clubs in the late 80's, I encountered en mass flanelette shirts and blunstones (Australian work boots) LOL.... I was even told I was 'in the wrong place love' at women's bars. Well, I was not about to give up my girliness, my make-up, skirts or heels, so I ended up 'in the shadows' so to speak, mostly going to gay bars and drag shows.
When did I first realize I was a femme? Then, and also when I discovered the small b/f scene there was...at 'Pokies' drag show nights LOL

Zimmeh · 10-30-2011, 08:26 PM

I knew that I was a femme, when my neighbor across the street came over and started talking to me. It was crush at first sight...I love wearing my heels when I have the chance and I love my makeup, perfumes and shoe shopping...I also have my days where I will run around in shorts, t-shirts and sneakers. Just depends on my mood..

Zimmeh

genghisfawn · 01-24-2012, 01:45 AM

This may sound awful, but...

I realised I was femme when I was 18 and with an abusive partner who didn't want a femme. She was a butch who only dated butches, and after I moved in with her, she started taking away my clothes, my makeup, pressuring me to keep my hair short, getting angry when I hung out with my straight friends... very controlling and nasty, for those and other reasons.

Why was I with her? I was 18 and insecure, of course.

But what I realised was that she was taking away everything that made me feel confident about myself - the way I could express myself physically and not just rely on my manner to speak for who I am. I wanted to present as femme. I didn't feel pretty, confident, attractive or even presentable because, let's face it, I made a pretty crappy butch.

She was just into appearances, she was heterophobic and wanted her girlfriend to be "visibly queer". As it was, she kicked me out at 3am one day and moved her new butch girlfriend in 12 hours later. I started rebuilding myself and reclaiming who I was a short time later, and happily I've never had to look back.

Passionaria · 01-24-2012, 03:11 AM

I have always been very feminine, but the first time I realized I was femme? Spending time at work with the first Butch I had ever met. ( ok I was sheltered when it came to gay life) I went from perplexed to all twitchy and nervous every time I saw her. Started planning my outfits for work more carefully.

I knew at that time that I was attracted to women but I had never given it much thought. Then I did some online investigating and found out what a strap on was. The birds sang, and the sun rose a little bit brighter. I was like yeah, the best of both worlds, I can do this. *blink* Then every time I saw her I found my self going hmmm, I wonder if she......... That only made me more nervous. LOL. Looking back, yeah I think she does.

I have only been out in the Butch-Femme community. You want a good laugh? Put me in a room full of Lesbians and watch what happens when I "girl" flirts with me. You would think I was a teenager who had never been kissed..... CRAZY.

Quintease · 01-24-2012, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by genghisfawn

This may sound awful, but...
I realised I was femme when I was 18 and with an abusive partner who didn't want a femme. She was a butch who only dated butches, and after I moved in with her, she started taking away my clothes, my makeup, pressuring me to keep my hair short, getting angry when I hung out with my straight friends... very controlling and nasty, for those and other reasons.

I had an ex (long long ago) who initially dated me as I was femme and 'prettier' than her ex-bf's new girlfriend, then began to resent the male attention I got. Rather than being angry at them, she instead started trying to change the way I looked! (Bear in mind I was 100% out gay through all of this).

I always wondered how she got on in her next relationship, with a girl who was not only femme, tall and thin, but also blessed with model looks.

10-10-2011, 02:10 AM	#4
Rivkeh Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: In formal settings...Miss Relationship Status: Wrapped up with a Shiny Red Bow Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 221 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 211 Thanked 447 Times in 127 Posts Rep Power: 3852911	When I first started going to clubs in the late 80's, I encountered en mass flanelette shirts and blunstones (Australian work boots) LOL.... I was even told I was 'in the wrong place love' at women's bars. Well, I was not about to give up my girliness, my make-up, skirts or heels, so I ended up 'in the shadows' so to speak, mostly going to gay bars and drag shows. When did I first realize I was a femme? Then, and also when I discovered the small b/f scene there was...at 'Pokies' drag show nights LOL __________________ -Rivkeh-

10-30-2011, 08:26 PM	#5
Zimmeh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: I am a human and not a possession Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Volusia County, FL Posts: 6,746 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 23,549 Thanked 13,441 Times in 4,316 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I knew that I was a femme, when my neighbor across the street came over and started talking to me. It was crush at first sight...I love wearing my heels when I have the chance and I love my makeup, perfumes and shoe shopping...I also have my days where I will run around in shorts, t-shirts and sneakers. Just depends on my mood.. Zimmeh __________________ "A loving heart is the truest wisdom" -Chinua Achebe

01-24-2012, 03:11 AM	#7
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,737 Times in 1,248 Posts Rep Power: 16689910	I have always been very feminine, but the first time I realized I was femme? Spending time at work with the first Butch I had ever met. ( ok I was sheltered when it came to gay life) I went from perplexed to all twitchy and nervous every time I saw her. Started planning my outfits for work more carefully. I knew at that time that I was attracted to women but I had never given it much thought. Then I did some online investigating and found out what a strap on was. The birds sang, and the sun rose a little bit brighter. I was like yeah, the best of both worlds, I can do this. blink Then every time I saw her I found my self going hmmm, I wonder if she......... That only made me more nervous. LOL. Looking back, yeah I think she does. I have only been out in the Butch-Femme community. You want a good laugh? Put me in a room full of Lesbians and watch what happens when I "girl" flirts with me. You would think I was a teenager who had never been kissed..... CRAZY. __________________ *Moon cat madness*

09-24-2011, 09:28 PM	#3
funkyfemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Gamey as Fuck Relationship Status: I move from person to person real quick. Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: A sad little town Posts: 800 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,059 Thanked 2,824 Times in 662 Posts Rep Power: 0	I will share my own story of "you knew when.." when i get my thoughts together. I am loving this thread....the sharing and bonding with other femmes is fantastical!!!

01-24-2012, 01:45 AM	#6
genghisfawn Member How Do You Identify?: Femme/Gentlewoman Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: Happily married 05/17/14 Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 561 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,056 Thanked 2,158 Times in 403 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	This may sound awful, but... I realised I was femme when I was 18 and with an abusive partner who didn't want a femme. She was a butch who only dated butches, and after I moved in with her, she started taking away my clothes, my makeup, pressuring me to keep my hair short, getting angry when I hung out with my straight friends... very controlling and nasty, for those and other reasons. Why was I with her? I was 18 and insecure, of course. But what I realised was that she was taking away everything that made me feel confident about myself - the way I could express myself physically and not just rely on my manner to speak for who I am. I wanted to present as femme. I didn't feel pretty, confident, attractive or even presentable because, let's face it, I made a pretty crappy butch. She was just into appearances, she was heterophobic and wanted her girlfriend to be "visibly queer". As it was, she kicked me out at 3am one day and moved her new butch girlfriend in 12 hours later. I started rebuilding myself and reclaiming who I was a short time later, and happily I've never had to look back.