Butch/Femme Dynamic vs "Masculinity" and "Femininity"

[SelfMadeMan]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

What is the difference in masculinity in a butch, man and femme? I'm asking cause SMM said his wife was sometimes more butch but he's man, I'm not grasping what that means since masculinity is not gender specific.

Definition of normative:

adj.
Of, relating to, or prescribing a norm or standard: normative grammar.


I guess my masculinity is abnormal compared to your partners type of femme?

Is that how that works?

I was showing examples of labels and norms that tend to go with those labels... my wife has not labeled herself femme - others have in the past because at times, she wears makeup and likes to dress up - but the hazards of labeling one another are that she doesn't necessarily want to be categorized as a femme. To the GLBT community, I am seen as butch as much as I am seen as a man - however, to hetero people, I come off as more feminine than masculine some of the time. Different people attach different norms to what is masculine and what is feminine. And masculinity means different things to different people - I think ANYONE can be masculine, male, female, butch, femme. I wasn't suggesting only a man can be masculine, nor that only a woman can be feminine - or that butch or femme are gender specific even. My point was exactly that - I don't feel we should attach rules and norms to labels, nor do I feel we need to label other people according to our understanding of said labels. If I'm not making sense, blame it on not enough coffee this morning.

And.... I didn't - and wouldn't - suggest your identity is abnormal. Anyone who knows me, knows I am the last person to do so - I am a Women & Gender Studies minor and am passionate about respecting others based on THEIR identity, not based on societal norms.