Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

SelfMadeMan · 10-21-2011, 10:55 AM

So, after reading and re-reading the article, I don't find it to be necessarily transphobic - I do have issues with the use of the word 'tranny', but still don't feel it was used in a spirit of transphobia as much as out of ignorance about the trans community. A lot of the things she talks about - the things that are hard to hear - are things she feared due to stereotypes, myths, etc... that she appears to be learning aren't the case. I thought the article was very heartfelt and honest and really does speak to a lot of the issues that SOs deal with when coming from a lesbian background. I can only imagine that it would be incredibly hard to transition from being a visible lesbian to being seen as any other straight woman because the person you love decides to transition genders. I don't know what that feels like personally - but I saw firsthand what it put my own wife through, and it was hard for her.

It's a difficult issue to talk about... it's easy, as a trans person, to feel defensive when these issues are brought up. But the fact is, you don't transition alone in a relationship, your partner has to transition too, so it's vitally important to be able to talk about these issues and let all voices be heard. Even when it hurts to hear it.

All that being said, I want to add that I feel he was completely in the wrong for not communicating the fact that he was considering transition prior to the marriage... and there's no way he didn't know a mere 4 mos earlier that he was considering transition. She should have had all this information and been allowed to decide for herself whether to marry a transman or not.

lettertodaddy · 10-21-2011, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I can only imagine that it would be incredibly hard to transition from being a visible lesbian to being seen as any other straight woman because the person you love decides to transition genders.

It's a difficult issue to talk about... it's easy, as a trans person, to feel defensive when these issues are brought up. But the fact is, you don't transition alone in a relationship, your partner has to transition too, so it's vitally important to be able to talk about these issues and let all voices be heard. Even when it hurts to hear it.

^^ This. Thank you for expressing it so eloquently.

10-21-2011, 10:55 AM	#1
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	So, after reading and re-reading the article, I don't find it to be necessarily transphobic - I do have issues with the use of the word 'tranny', but still don't feel it was used in a spirit of transphobia as much as out of ignorance about the trans community. A lot of the things she talks about - the things that are hard to hear - are things she feared due to stereotypes, myths, etc... that she appears to be learning aren't the case. I thought the article was very heartfelt and honest and really does speak to a lot of the issues that SOs deal with when coming from a lesbian background. I can only imagine that it would be incredibly hard to transition from being a visible lesbian to being seen as any other straight woman because the person you love decides to transition genders. I don't know what that feels like personally - but I saw firsthand what it put my own wife through, and it was hard for her. It's a difficult issue to talk about... it's easy, as a trans person, to feel defensive when these issues are brought up. But the fact is, you don't transition alone in a relationship, your partner has to transition too, so it's vitally important to be able to talk about these issues and let all voices be heard. Even when it hurts to hear it. All that being said, I want to add that I feel he was completely in the wrong for not communicating the fact that he was considering transition prior to the marriage... and there's no way he didn't know a mere 4 mos earlier that he was considering transition. She should have had all this information and been allowed to decide for herself whether to marry a transman or not. Last edited by SelfMadeMan; 10-21-2011 at 10:58 AM.