Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[julieisafemme]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

This article was actually posted in the Trans News thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...?t=2287&page=6

Personally, I found it really offensive. It's one thing to express your emotions over your partners transition. It's another thing to make these sorts of really transphobic statement. And another brilliant example where the existence of transphobia in the world is almost mocked. Where even pointing out transphobia is turned around on the trans person who points it out, as if they are in the wrong for pointing out oppressive language. If someone calls me a "rah rah tranny person" I'm going to be fucking offended. In fact, if anyone calls me a "tranny" I'm going to be fucking offended, I don't care who you are.

I'll post my reply from that thread here:

While I do agree that partners should be heard when they voice their concerns over a partner transitioning, there are ways to say it without reducing the word transphobia to something that trans people throw at people at random and framing trans people who call out transphobia when they see it as the "bad guys" in the situation.

I definitely do see transphobia in comments like these:





It actually reminds me a lot of straight people's reactions when queer folks call them out on homophobia. Or people who make sexist comments when they're called out on their sexism. Yet somehow when it comes to trans people, some queer folks can't see how their behaviour mirrors that of those who, in turn, oppress them.

What does "Rah-Rah Tranny people" (seriously, if you're trans and identify as a "tranny", that's cool, but a cis person using the word "tranny" to refer to trans people in general is offensive, in the same way as a white person using the "N" word or a straight person calling gay men "fags") even mean? Apparently they are "politically fueled"? Again, what does that mean? Cause to me a "politically fueled" trans person is someone who fights for their own rights in a society where they don't have equal rights with the rest of the LGB spectrum. In the country the author is from, for example...

Like I said above, I have no problems with partners going through their process of coming to understand or accept their partner. But I feel the author made some comments that were transphobic (zomg, I must be a "rah rah tranny person"). I understand the frustration if the community she is a part of tells her that it's not acceptable to voice her feelings and grief over her partner's transition. I don't think that's good of them to do at all, and it's not something I would support. On the other hand, I don't think she should be expressing her frustrations while make transphobic remarks. It's like justifying homophobia because you had a bad altercation with a queer person, or sexism because you had an altercation with someone of a certain sex. Neither is acceptable in my eyes, and I don't think trans people should have to put up with anymore than anyone else should have to put up with discriminatory comments.

Then call me transphobic. I would never use the word "tranny" but I may use words or concepts that could be offensive to other transmen or women because my partner is comfortable with them.

What her comments mean to me is that she is transitioning right alongside her partner and it is not always pretty or free of internalized transphobia, homophobia or other isms. That is why partners discuss these issues in groups with other partners. I have never once in all my discussions with partners felt transphobia from them. I have felt a lot of pain and confusion. Also happiness and love. Like I said it is a mixed bag and it may not always be palatable to everyone.

I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and I still appreciate her courage in expressing her feelings.

ETA Do you all remember that article in Oprah about the straight lady who fell in love with a transman? Now that article felt transphobic and really bugged me a lot. This one does not.