"I see you as a man"

[crashhere4eva]

I do not mean to pry into the thread, just was reading and I feel strongly about this issue so I thought I would share encouragement. When I speak of and to a "Transexual" I do not use the term FMT, MTF or even the word "transexual". I say "man" or "woman" to me, it's a non issue in terms of what to call people. I do understand that there is a "transition" that takes place (physically anyway) however, I refer to "transexuals" as men and/or women. You don't go through all the process one must go through to be a man or a woman only for other people to call it something else. For example, I would not call myself straight. It is not up to me to tell someone else what they are when such a thing is so very personal. I would not let anyone call me straight or my girlfriend straight because she is so feminine and what some say "straight looking". If you ask me, to go through what one must go through, you gotta be convicted to do so. More power to you man and friend. By the way, for a dude you look good! Take care!

[Martina]

She kinda forgot about lesbian transsexuals there. Or did she mean to account for them with that picture of the two girls?

[Billy]

It happens all the time ..I think it happens because, its the knowing we where born female , and now we are male and seen as Men And they kind of go back and forth with it ..I have a broker @ the shop that gets a kick out of someone addressing Me as Sir , it kind of makes it more real for him because he has known me for about 12 years and I am going on My 5 year on T .. He just smiles

[Kaison]

For me my transition was just that, a transition! - I started as female the transition was the middle part to where and who I am now.

[atomiczombie]

I have been told, "I think of you as a man" before too. It annoys me. But I don't get mad at the person, I just ignore it. I don't know why. Maybe the next time it happens I will say something.

I LOVED LOVED LOVED the video by the way. And I don't think she intentionally left out lesbians, more like the person asking her about her sexuality, she was answering for herself only.

[EmpressM]

I've been contemplating my response for a while, and I am certainly not intending to intrude or debate anyone's feelings or point of view. Not being a transperson myself, I'm sure there's much to which I cannot relate.

I have used this very statement and variations thereof. However, how much of the offensiveness is a result of context or the person using it?

I have used it as what I believed to be reassurance when discussing with a transperson insensitive comments or actions by others where it made the transperson question their ability to "pass" or to be seen as they are now. I've never used the statement unsolicited. Is there another way to say something similar when asked your opinion that would resonate in a more positive, less cringe-worthy way?

Also, does the perception of the statement change when used in a positive context, such as reassurance in a conversation between two transpeople or a transperson and their partner?

[EnderD_503]

Ugh, the statement "I see you as a man" is loaded with assumptions that it's enough to make your head explode before you even figure out where to start, lol.

Of course, there's the issue of some transmen wanting to retain the distinction between themselves and cismen (transmale as its own sex). There's other transmales who simply use the identifier "man" with cis people just to circumvent the confusion of telling them the body they inhabit doesn't necessarily make them a man...or a woman. There's other trans folks who don't identify within the binary even if they've undergone HRT and/or SRS. So she'd be getting a very different response depending on the trans person/transguy I think.

But if the comment is towards a transguy who identifies strictly as a man, then I think the simplest response is what you said, "well, that's because he is a man." Though the whole statement is enough to make a person want to give them a Trans 101 crash course.

@Empress, I get why some might think that the statement is meant to reassure some trans people that they "pass," or reassure us that at least someone sees us as the sex and/or gender that we actually are. Honestly, though, I think something like "ignore them" instead of "I see you as a man" is more supportive. Then again I may be the wrong person to respond to this. I feel there are a lot of problems with the politics of "passing" and the need to reassure trans people that they "pass" when it comes to dealing with trans people as a generalized group (vs. a trans person as an individual with individual thoughts/circumstances), so I don't see that sort of support necessary for myself, anyway. It depends on how that trans person interacts with their own sex/gender.

Edit: Also wanted to express my initial "omg, it's Calpernia Addams!" reaction. I had no clue she had a youtube channel. I'm totally subscribing to her now. I hearts me some Calpernia

[ScandalAndy]

uh oh, now I feel bad. I've used the statement "I see you as a man" before to partners who were feeling really insecure because people in their lives had insulted them and called them a woman, or a dyke. They identify as male, and that's exactly who they are to me. I certainly didn't intend to offend with that, though. Is there a better way to say "no, in my head I"m not thinking you're just a woman in man's clothing" or "no, i don't think you're a dude dressing up like a girl". Those terribly offensive statements crush people I care about, and I want to find a way to tell them that their identity is valid to me and I respect them.