How to be a femme ally

persiphone · 11-14-2011, 03:21 PM

my list is for the femme's femmes

~she knows not to get personal with your partner
~she's gracious when you fall apart
~she makes you laugh when you wanna scream
~she can tactfully guide you when you're being a little.....off
~she loves your ugly pants
~she has no hidden agendas
~she practices acceptance instead of envy
~she says nothing about the fact that you snort when you laugh
~she says just the right thing at just the right time
~she will stick up for a girl, even the ones she may not like

this describes my close femme friends whom i love dearly and would do anything for. they are not your average femme and i know this, so i cherish them with grace and i'd fight to the death for each of them. someone's got to.

pinkgeek · 11-17-2011, 04:50 PM

What persi said +

++she texts and calls on a crap day just to say hello and talk strategy
++she doesn't mind hanging out in pajamas
++she is a cheerleader
++she loans and borrows shoes, kitchen equipment, books
++she is fierce and inspiring!
++she introduces you to new and interesting things
++she isn't afraid to talk politics

My femme friends are amazing, diverse, kind and incredibly smart. In a zombie apocalypse they are who I'll team up with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by persiphone

my list is for the femme's femmes

~she knows not to get personal with your partner
~she's gracious when you fall apart
~she makes you laugh when you wanna scream
~she can tactfully guide you when you're being a little.....off
~she loves your ugly pants
~she has no hidden agendas
~she practices acceptance instead of envy
~she says nothing about the fact that you snort when you laugh
~she says just the right thing at just the right time
~she will stick up for a girl, even the ones she may not like

this describes my close femme friends whom i love dearly and would do anything for. they are not your average femme and i know this, so i cherish them with grace and i'd fight to the death for each of them. someone's got to.

persiphone · 11-17-2011, 08:18 PM

life without femme swapping of books, kitchen equipment and shoes is an empty life indeed. and presents!!!! and coffee. in super gay mugs.

<---LOL

persiphone · 12-07-2011, 02:52 PM

i'm so excited i get to bake cookies with one of the most amazing femmes i know this holiday.

Medusa · 05-14-2012, 10:51 AM

I'd like to see this thread come alive again. So many wonderful things said here and so many great examples of what it looks like to be an ally!

Talon · 05-14-2012, 11:29 AM

I came across this thread just now...and I love *any* type of female empowering threads. I think being supportive of one another is so vital to our well-being as femmes, and as women...and especially for the bond that exists between us.
This is precious, and needs to be appreciated more. I want *all* of my femme and female sisters to feel important, uplifted, appreciated, and needed within my world...even if I don't always understand where they're coming from or agree w/ their pov. It honestly doesn't matter to me, it's far more important that we are a strong alliance, because the bottom line is...we need to be. The world is not always a kind place, so if we can't extend kindness to one another..well, that's just a damn shame...and we will never succeed in the many battles we must face as a community.

imperfect_cupcake · 05-14-2012, 01:23 PM

I expect the same level of comradery from anyone, regardless of gender, sexuality or ID. I used to have butch friends who I could count on for blah and femme mates I would ask for yaddah.
But it's become so mashed... straight girlie girls, tomboy straights, yoga-esque hippy lez, butch-to-me non-ID, straight male army, baby dyke with a guitar, femme, femme daddy, butch, old school butch, post modern butch, performance artist pro-domme....

I just expect all of them to show me a certain level of care... which is individual to the person. some people can show it by sitting up all night with me talking, some show they care by helping me with my garden and loaning me money for groceries. Some show they care by seeing a text I could use for school in a flea market and buying it for me. Some by letting me take care of them. Many by getting very protective (aw. thanks guys. I appreciate it, even though I know quite well I can look after myself, the fierceness of your desire to stop anyone from hurting me is very sweet).

push me hard, give me advice, listen, offer to help, laugh with me, laugh *at* me when I'm a dick, make me laugh when I'm scared or angry or sad, treat me valuable, pile on the compliments, sleep with me when I haven't been laid for a while (ahem, those special kind of friends), take me out for an ice cream, let me look after you when you need love and care.

Soft*Silver · 11-14-2011, 03:53 PM

I love these lists! So perfectly said and sums up exactly what I expect from a femme ally. I see a pattern about partners being off limits...thats a huge one for me! But what is more important is the incredible caring of each other that I hear in these lists. Being nurtured and Present and loved. But not just easily..sometimes when its hard and difficult too.

We have some quality people on this forum!

Apocalipstic · 11-14-2011, 04:35 PM

I really never thought about this until the reunion this year. Arwen started the Femme Brigade thread and it really made me think about my Femme friends and how we can support each other.

Then being around my Femme friends at the reunion filled me with such love and support, I came home and am trying to reach out to Femme friends and aquaintances and be an ally.

Love you Nat! Great thread!

girl_dee · 11-14-2011, 09:19 PM

Femme alliances go deep.

I don't have many close femme friendships but the ones i have, are deep.

05-14-2012, 10:51 AM	#5
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,680 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	I'd like to see this thread come alive again. So many wonderful things said here and so many great examples of what it looks like to be an ally! __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

05-14-2012, 11:29 AM	#6
Talon Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Divine Feminine Preferred Pronoun?: . Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: . Posts: 4,921 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,246 Thanked 10,223 Times in 3,305 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Thank you for bumping this thread, Medusa. I came across this thread just now...and I love any type of female empowering threads. I think being supportive of one another is so vital to our well-being as femmes, and as women...and especially for the bond that exists between us. This is precious, and needs to be appreciated more. I want all of my femme and female sisters to feel important, uplifted, appreciated, and needed within my world...even if I don't always understand where they're coming from or agree w/ their pov. It honestly doesn't matter to me, it's far more important that we are a strong alliance, because the bottom line is...we need to be. The world is not always a kind place, so if we can't extend kindness to one another..well, that's just a damn shame...and we will never succeed in the many battles we must face as a community.

11-14-2011, 03:53 PM	#8
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,897 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474858	I love these lists! So perfectly said and sums up exactly what I expect from a femme ally. I see a pattern about partners being off limits...thats a huge one for me! But what is more important is the incredible caring of each other that I hear in these lists. Being nurtured and Present and loved. But not just easily..sometimes when its hard and difficult too. We have some quality people on this forum! __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

11-14-2011, 04:35 PM	#9
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	I really never thought about this until the reunion this year. Arwen started the Femme Brigade thread and it really made me think about my Femme friends and how we can support each other. Then being around my Femme friends at the reunion filled me with such love and support, I came home and am trying to reach out to Femme friends and aquaintances and be an ally. Love you Nat! Great thread! __________________

11-14-2011, 03:21 PM	#1
persiphone Timed Out How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: on a hedonistic hiatus Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 12/28/2011 Posts: 462 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,574 Thanked 1,562 Times in 380 Posts Rep Power: 0	my list is for the femme's femmes ~she knows not to get personal with your partner ~she's gracious when you fall apart ~she makes you laugh when you wanna scream ~she can tactfully guide you when you're being a little.....off ~she loves your ugly pants ~she has no hidden agendas ~she practices acceptance instead of envy ~she says nothing about the fact that you snort when you laugh ~she says just the right thing at just the right time ~she will stick up for a girl, even the ones she may not like this describes my close femme friends whom i love dearly and would do anything for. they are not your average femme and i know this, so i cherish them with grace and i'd fight to the death for each of them. someone's got to.

11-17-2011, 08:18 PM	#3
persiphone Timed Out How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: on a hedonistic hiatus Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 12/28/2011 Posts: 462 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,574 Thanked 1,562 Times in 380 Posts Rep Power: 0	life without femme swapping of books, kitchen equipment and shoes is an empty life indeed. and presents!!!! and coffee. in super gay mugs. <---LOL

12-07-2011, 02:52 PM	#4
persiphone Timed Out How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: on a hedonistic hiatus Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 12/28/2011 Posts: 462 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,574 Thanked 1,562 Times in 380 Posts Rep Power: 0	i'm so excited i get to bake cookies with one of the most amazing femmes i know this holiday.

05-14-2012, 01:23 PM	#7
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I expect the same level of comradery from anyone, regardless of gender, sexuality or ID. I used to have butch friends who I could count on for blah and femme mates I would ask for yaddah. But it's become so mashed... straight girlie girls, tomboy straights, yoga-esque hippy lez, butch-to-me non-ID, straight male army, baby dyke with a guitar, femme, femme daddy, butch, old school butch, post modern butch, performance artist pro-domme.... I just expect all of them to show me a certain level of care... which is individual to the person. some people can show it by sitting up all night with me talking, some show they care by helping me with my garden and loaning me money for groceries. Some show they care by seeing a text I could use for school in a flea market and buying it for me. Some by letting me take care of them. Many by getting very protective (aw. thanks guys. I appreciate it, even though I know quite well I can look after myself, the fierceness of your desire to stop anyone from hurting me is very sweet). push me hard, give me advice, listen, offer to help, laugh with me, laugh at me when I'm a dick, make me laugh when I'm scared or angry or sad, treat me valuable, pile on the compliments, sleep with me when I haven't been laid for a while (ahem, those special kind of friends), take me out for an ice cream, let me look after you when you need love and care.

11-14-2011, 09:19 PM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Femme alliances go deep. I don't have many close femme friendships but the ones i have, are deep.