Friends of Bill W.

Day 24

Pleased to report that there was no nightmare last night. However, I got nearly 8hrs sleep and still feel knackered but not half so badly as yesterday. I know it's early days in recovery and that this is 'normal'. My body is still recovering and repairing itself.

In other news it was a cracking meeting last night. Apart from when I surprised myself and made a little confession to another member that I'd never met before that I wasn't totally abstinent. That member dropped me like a hot brick. Quelle surprise.

So, I've made this confession to another member so I shall make the same one to you lot.

Here beginneth the justification ...I don't eat sugar, live on caffeine drinks, smoke tobacco or drink alcohol but I still have a teeny tiny bit of pot on a bong some but not every evening. I take strong painkillers which I hate due to having a broken body. A couple of small bowls, because I actually don't like being too stoned, in an evening means I don't necessarily have to have those damnable painkillers and my body gets to relax a little. I'm not saying that for others this is the right path but I can personally live with it.

I know for some other addicts this means that my sobriety isn't 'real' and that, God willing, my 30 days recovery from alcohol dependence on leap year day next week, won't count. It is why I always say I'm grateful to be sober but I never say clean. This also means that I shan't be asking for my 30day NA key fob. So be it. If folks want to judge me for this then that is their problem. I won't judge them so harshly for surviving on caffeine, tobacco and chocolate..

I'm glad I've 'confessed' because the programme is about honesty but I feel like crap having done so and have properly killed my own buzz at being sober.

Ok, yes I'm a bad addict...gimme your worst.

Despite feeling like crap about this, for now, I am so very grateful to be sober. Just for today