Making Peace with Exes

[KayCee]

Once it's over, it's over. I never pick back up the past.

[bkisbutchenuff]

Originally Posted by Kitty4U

Once it's over, it's over. I never pick back up the past.

Wit most...that is best...but there can be exceptions...

[Soft*Silver]

In all seriousness, I have remained friends with most of my exes except for the psychopath and the one who still silently stalks me. Both have been years ago and as the years pass they will only remain bad memories. I have no desire to have a friendship with them. The former is crazy. Seriously, diagnosed, unmedicated crazy. Everyone needs to stay away. The latter I wish well to, but the incredible hurt he caused me, made everything after him, negatively defined by that breakup. Until of late, that is. Enough therapy and AA meetings will cure everything...

For all the others in my life, we share Christmas cards, emails, random visits, etc. My ex husband and I were at my daughter's wedding and we hugged and shared a table. Now that I never could have foreseen but time is an amazing thing. It helps us all get over it and grow up. Maturity seems to be the biggest problem in endings. There are many places we need to mature and even at 55, I am still working on the places I missed...

[StrongButch]

Never blame another for your actions then there will be peace.

[Vivacious1]

I have always had the opinion that you should live with no regrets. For each person that I have spent time with I have learned something from. That goes double for my exes. There is a reason I was with them and I don't regret any of the experiences. Granted, with a couple of them, it took time for me to come to a place of peace within myself about what went wrong. I try to always be friends with an ex. Sometimes, it just cannot happen. The way I see it is, you loved them for a reason. That doesn't just go away, it may change but is still there. I find it to be rather sad when a couple split and they are so bitter that all they do is harm each other. For what? If you live your life looking for reasons to be greatful for someone or something instead of a reason to be angry you will be much more at peace with yourself.

[bkisbutchenuff]

When its possible...its awesome! Definitely a sign of being mature and that you had something real to begin with! I do support my exes and their continued happiness....

[Fatale]

I so like the idea of this thread. Just the other night I had a great, hour long conversation with an ex with whom I'd gone through a brutal break up. Grotesque, really, is the word that comes to mind when I think about how things went down. Her behavior was deplorable and mind certainly wasn't above reproach either. Far from it. I apparently elected to say to hell with dignity and acted the ass. Now, now I can laugh about it. 5 years ago, I would have never imagined speaking with her again, or that even thinking about that time in my life would feel any better than a bad toothache.

Not so long ago I had an epiphany about forgiveness. I had it in a moment when I was thinking about someone, "She doesn't deserve my forgiveness!". For some reason I had a flash of insight that while the she in question might not deserve it, I did. I do. I deserve to allow myself to let go. To breathe it out and just let it fucking go. It's not easy. It can be incredibly difficult, and I can be incredibly stubborn. I'm not really one to hold a grudge, but I will definitely mull things over for a long time.

I am now trying to embrace the lightness of spirit that comes with forgiveness. It feels good.

[Scuba]

Originally Posted by KayCee

Once it's over, it's over. I never pick back up the past.

I agree. What's done is done. People in my life have changed over time and in a good way though so I guess in a few cases things have worked themselves into friendship. For us that has happened naturally with nothing being "forced". Outside of that, I've not once romanticized any relationship enough to want to rekindle the dead flame.