Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness)

[spritzerJ]

I should start with a bit of a warning... I am tired today.

Embracing my femmeness is recent. Like the pendulum swung in the femme direction and hovers there now. I've spent most of my adult life being blah (my own word since I really tried not to stand out), middle of the road, androgynous looking. I've not questioned my connection to being a woman. Overall, I've felt no disconnect from the body I was born into (my eyelashes are very thin and I don't like that since it is strictly out of proportion to the rest of my bodies dimensions).

These days I don't mind standing out and being more "girly" looking. Dressing in a way that feels good to me. I am very tired of the assumptions that go with the "girly" look. This may be one of the reasons I didn't dress this way before that I forgot.

Assumptions that irritate me:
1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she?

2. that I am more concerned with how I and others look than ideas/thoughts. My brain is so much more important to me than my body when it comes to how I want people to experience me. It is what I focus on in getting to know other people.

3. the but you are so girly looks/statements when I speak about feminism, sexism, classism, and racism. People share their -isms more openly, as if I will condone them or something. I am sure I am not adequately describing this phenomenon but it freaks me out. the oh I thought you'd be okay with it looks or statements.

4. my dry and subtle sarcasm is totally misunderstood more now than it was before. I really don't want to change that part of me so I use more disclaimers which totally ruins the punch line or the thought provoking nature of saying the exact opposite of what I really think with a straight expressionless face.

Being at work really highlights how femme I am and how femme I am not. That maybe because I work in a very weird section of the state. I am considering going for the hippy look. Just so people won't be so limiting. I am currently experiencing considerable femme angst right now.