Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

cinderella · 03-19-2010, 06:58 PM

Only dogs & pupppies love unconditionally, and that's if you feed them!!

key · 03-19-2010, 07:48 PM

very reluctantly quoting Don Henley.

I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if
you don't love me anymore

I do believe it is possible to love unconditionally, maybe not everybody can do it and maybe not all the time. But I have had fleeting moments where I could look at my family, honestly, with all their flaws and shortcomings and not want them to be different, instead simply accepting them as-is. Isn't that unconditional love?

I think love and forgiveness can be learned. I don't think it is always something that just happens naturally (for most of us). For our sweethearts it is easier, but for those who don't fit so neatly into our ideals? I believe practice can make perfect. And our actions can change our minds more than the other way around. Just practicing kindness in the face of fierce opposition can be very powerful.

It's sort of side note, but did you see that video recently of the man with Parkinson's disease who sat in front of anti-healthcare protesters? The anti-health protesters were so vile, that him simply sitting there, literally absorbing their venom, was the most powerful image I have seen in a long long time. I don't know if he couldn't physically lash back or he just chose not to. But dayamn, I wish I could be that calm in the face of so much anti-Christian hatred I see from so many Jesus lovers.

Gemme · 03-19-2010, 08:11 PM

I do not believe in unconditional love. There are always conditions, whether conscious or not, and whether intentional or not.

If you don't do a, b, or c, I will withhold my affection for you. If you don't love me as I want to be loved, I will not love you as you want to be loved. If you do this, I'll do that.

For pets, if you don't feed me and love on me, I will shit in your shoes.

For children, if you do not give me the attention I seek and need, I will act out to get it, find another source to get it, or turn the demon inward.

These are just examples. I actually think that loving with conditions is a good thing. It's built in protection.

Person A is constantly hurting my feelings and trash talking me, so, though I do love him/her, I will withhold my affection and attention and put more space between us. I will take myself out of that negative energy space. That's a good thing.

moxie · 03-19-2010, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

I do not believe in unconditional love. There are always conditions, whether conscious or not, and whether intentional or not.

If you don't do a, b, or c, I will withhold my affection for you. If you don't love me as I want to be loved, I will not love you as you want to be loved. If you do this, I'll do that.

For pets, if you don't feed me and love on me, I will shit in your shoes.

For children, if you do not give me the attention I seek and need, I will act out to get it, find another source to get it, or turn the demon inward.

These are just examples. I actually think that loving with conditions is a good thing. It's built in protection.

Person A is constantly hurting my feelings and trash talking me, so, though I do love him/her, I will withhold my affection and attention and put more space between us. I will take myself out of that negative energy space. That's a good thing.

I whole-heartedly agree with your view on unconditional love as I feel the same. I am aware that I feel this way because I have never received unconditional love from my family (long story) and have no contact with them, so I truly do not know what it is or what it feels like to have. I do believe that it exists, but not in my personal framework. Not sure it ever will.

WolfyOne · 03-19-2010, 09:14 PM

Personally, I think only animals and little children can give unconditional love because they depend on us. No matter how you treat them, they'll always come back because they need you. As children get older, they learn to fend for themselves and unconditional love will no longer exist. Seems as we grow older, if you can't accept the good, bad and ugly in a partner, you'll never be able to give or receive unconditional love.

Passionaria · 03-19-2010, 10:58 PM

Unconditional love, is akin to purity of heart. It is a completely unselfish state of love. It isn't dependent on receiving anything in return. I agree that children and animals have this, also many Mothers. My children have tested me in about every way possible, and what it had taught me is that the love I have for them isn't dependent on who they choose to be, even how they act, or what they achieve. The love I have for them exists before any of that. I may not always like what they do, but no matter what, I love them, and would move heaven and earth on their behalf.

It's harder to feel that for someone you didn't give birth to, but I do believe it is possible. You have to be careful not to damage the Love before it grows strong, though.

Pashi

Cyclopea · 03-19-2010, 11:02 PM

It exists.

key · 03-19-2010, 11:21 PM

I don't want to live in a world where I believe there is not unconditional love. Yes, between humans.

I think we all love as best we can and I do believe that the highest, purist, most unconditional love is available to and for all of us whether we choose to experience it or not.

As I said before I have a had fleeting moments of it myself, and I think if I consciously practiced it more often (prayer, meditation and action) I could experience it more often. And also like I said before, I think it all starts with forgiveness, simply letting go of wishing anything were different. Accepting everyone and everything as is.

Marianne Williamson said: We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present.

Pixie · 02-04-2011, 02:40 PM

I think it is possible for unconditional love to exist within disagreement...

I know for me, I didn't care if parts of my family didn't agree with my orientation...because I love them.

I don't agree with things my mother put me in the middle of, and the decisions she made and things going on including her life choice...but I love her unconditionally and will continue to...regardless of her choices...

just my opinion

Starbuck · 01-15-2011, 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cinderella

Only dogs & pupppies love unconditionally, and that's if you feed them!!

Dogs and puppies love unconditionally, period. Cats and kitties love CONDITIONALLY if/when you feed them.

ravfem · 01-16-2011, 10:09 AM

i have unconditional love for my oldest friend, CLS. She is the one who taught me about unconditional love, without even knowing it.

Her life is very very different than mine, and the last time i visited with her, she was mentally ill (drug induced paranoid schizophrenia) from 20 years of drug abuse & addiction.

Long ago, i learned how to love and accept her as is, without judging her life choices or punishing her because she did things i didn't approve of. my choice was love her as is or don't continue to be in her life (my own conclusions, nothing ever said by her).

It wasn't an easy process for me, but slowly i learned how to give her love unconditionally. And i am ever thankful that i did that, for her and for myself.

Loving someone, in a romantic sense, unconditionally is much more difficult for me. But i'm workin on it

imperfect_cupcake · 01-16-2011, 10:25 AM

it really depends on your definition of love doesn' it?

my brother is a sick man. he's severely abusive, has mental health issues and sexually and physically tortured me for years.

I love him. I care about how he is. I don't EVER want him around me if I can help it (I tolerate him at funerals and I'm nice to him at those instances, otherwise I politely leave). I'm glad he got lots of very good treatment and he's now back at school.

No I don't forgive him. But I love him and care that he's doing well and that mom loves him and gives him lots of support, even though he's not exactly kind to her, verbally.

love as a feeling of care, yes. Love as in support and interaction? no.

But then I grew up knowing that people can love you, really love you, yet treat you like shit because of how incapable they are. and it doesn't mean just cause they love you that you have to put up with any of it.

love is a feeling. it doesn't nessecisarily mean much else. Just like anger, it can be constructive or self harming. it depends on the expression.

Sam · 01-16-2011, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cinderella

Only dogs & pupppies love unconditionally, and that's if you feed them!!

My son loves me unconditionally, that is where i am learning to be a better person

MysticOceansFL · 01-16-2011, 10:39 AM

It is as long as it's not taken for granted of! I would think.

03-19-2010, 07:48 PM	#2
key Member How Do You Identify?: androgynous, gender-queer, butch Preferred Pronoun?: depends on person addressing me Relationship Status: merrily single hopefully married one day Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: san francisco, ca and chama, nm Posts: 197 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 430 Times in 136 Posts Rep Power: 885764	reluctantly.... very reluctantly quoting Don Henley. I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness, even if, even if you don't love me anymore I do believe it is possible to love unconditionally, maybe not everybody can do it and maybe not all the time. But I have had fleeting moments where I could look at my family, honestly, with all their flaws and shortcomings and not want them to be different, instead simply accepting them as-is. Isn't that unconditional love? I think love and forgiveness can be learned. I don't think it is always something that just happens naturally (for most of us). For our sweethearts it is easier, but for those who don't fit so neatly into our ideals? I believe practice can make perfect. And our actions can change our minds more than the other way around. Just practicing kindness in the face of fierce opposition can be very powerful. It's sort of side note, but did you see that video recently of the man with Parkinson's disease who sat in front of anti-healthcare protesters? The anti-health protesters were so vile, that him simply sitting there, literally absorbing their venom, was the most powerful image I have seen in a long long time. I don't know if he couldn't physically lash back or he just chose not to. But dayamn, I wish I could be that calm in the face of so much anti-Christian hatred I see from so many Jesus lovers. __________________ http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e3...ariation6t.jpg

03-19-2010, 08:11 PM	#3
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,956 Times in 25,668 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	I do not believe in unconditional love. There are always conditions, whether conscious or not, and whether intentional or not. If you don't do a, b, or c, I will withhold my affection for you. If you don't love me as I want to be loved, I will not love you as you want to be loved. If you do this, I'll do that. For pets, if you don't feed me and love on me, I will shit in your shoes. For children, if you do not give me the attention I seek and need, I will act out to get it, find another source to get it, or turn the demon inward. These are just examples. I actually think that loving with conditions is a good thing. It's built in protection. Person A is constantly hurting my feelings and trash talking me, so, though I do love him/her, I will withhold my affection and attention and put more space between us. I will take myself out of that negative energy space. That's a good thing. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-19-2010, 09:14 PM	#5
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,397 Times in 4,140 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Personally, I think only animals and little children can give unconditional love because they depend on us. No matter how you treat them, they'll always come back because they need you. As children get older, they learn to fend for themselves and unconditional love will no longer exist. Seems as we grow older, if you can't accept the good, bad and ugly in a partner, you'll never be able to give or receive unconditional love. __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

03-19-2010, 10:58 PM	#6
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,737 Times in 1,248 Posts Rep Power: 16689910	In my mind........ Unconditional love, is akin to purity of heart. It is a completely unselfish state of love. It isn't dependent on receiving anything in return. I agree that children and animals have this, also many Mothers. My children have tested me in about every way possible, and what it had taught me is that the love I have for them isn't dependent on who they choose to be, even how they act, or what they achieve. The love I have for them exists before any of that. I may not always like what they do, but no matter what, I love them, and would move heaven and earth on their behalf. It's harder to feel that for someone you didn't give birth to, but I do believe it is possible. You have to be careful not to damage the Love before it grows strong, though. Pashi __________________ *Moon cat madness*

03-19-2010, 11:02 PM	#7
Cyclopea Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Lesbian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Exit Zero Posts: 1,267 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,694 Thanked 1,615 Times in 632 Posts Rep Power: 226200	It exists. __________________ http://forum.axishistory.com/images/...arious/eye.jpg

03-19-2010, 06:58 PM	#1
cinderella Member How Do You Identify?: Pinky's mommy :) Preferred Pronoun?: Su Majestad Relationship Status: Happy with my puppy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Pocono Mtns., Pa. Posts: 1,238 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 1,501 Times in 638 Posts Rep Power: 14266108	Only dogs & pupppies love unconditionally, and that's if you feed them!!

03-19-2010, 11:21 PM	#8
key Member How Do You Identify?: androgynous, gender-queer, butch Preferred Pronoun?: depends on person addressing me Relationship Status: merrily single hopefully married one day Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: san francisco, ca and chama, nm Posts: 197 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 59 Thanked 430 Times in 136 Posts Rep Power: 885764	I don't want to live in a world I don't want to live in a world where I believe there is not unconditional love. Yes, between humans. I think we all love as best we can and I do believe that the highest, purist, most unconditional love is available to and for all of us whether we choose to experience it or not. As I said before I have a had fleeting moments of it myself, and I think if I consciously practiced it more often (prayer, meditation and action) I could experience it more often. And also like I said before, I think it all starts with forgiveness, simply letting go of wishing anything were different. Accepting everyone and everything as is. Marianne Williamson said: We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we're not extending in the present. __________________ http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e3...ariation6t.jpg

02-04-2011, 02:40 PM	#9
Pixie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Equal Opportunity Friend Preferred Pronoun?: Girl Relationship Status: in service Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sacramento! Posts: 2,868 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,691 Thanked 4,103 Times in 1,332 Posts Rep Power: 15274784	I think it is possible for unconditional love to exist within disagreement... I know for me, I didn't care if parts of my family didn't agree with my orientation...because I love them. I don't agree with things my mother put me in the middle of, and the decisions she made and things going on including her life choice...but I love her unconditionally and will continue to...regardless of her choices... just my opinion __________________ Unexplored glimmering in the rough How does a diamond hide? -Pixie-

01-16-2011, 10:09 AM	#11
ravfem Senior Member How Do You Identify?: i'm a girl Relationship Status: negative Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 1,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,239 Thanked 3,126 Times in 1,270 Posts Rep Power: 1969286	i have unconditional love for my oldest friend, CLS. She is the one who taught me about unconditional love, without even knowing it. Her life is very very different than mine, and the last time i visited with her, she was mentally ill (drug induced paranoid schizophrenia) from 20 years of drug abuse & addiction. Long ago, i learned how to love and accept her as is, without judging her life choices or punishing her because she did things i didn't approve of. my choice was love her as is or don't continue to be in her life (my own conclusions, nothing ever said by her). It wasn't an easy process for me, but slowly i learned how to give her love unconditionally. And i am ever thankful that i did that, for her and for myself. Loving someone, in a romantic sense, unconditionally is much more difficult for me. But i'm workin on it __________________

01-16-2011, 10:25 AM	#12
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	it really depends on your definition of love doesn' it? my brother is a sick man. he's severely abusive, has mental health issues and sexually and physically tortured me for years. I love him. I care about how he is. I don't EVER want him around me if I can help it (I tolerate him at funerals and I'm nice to him at those instances, otherwise I politely leave). I'm glad he got lots of very good treatment and he's now back at school. No I don't forgive him. But I love him and care that he's doing well and that mom loves him and gives him lots of support, even though he's not exactly kind to her, verbally. love as a feeling of care, yes. Love as in support and interaction? no. But then I grew up knowing that people can love you, really love you, yet treat you like shit because of how incapable they are. and it doesn't mean just cause they love you that you have to put up with any of it. love is a feeling. it doesn't nessecisarily mean much else. Just like anger, it can be constructive or self harming. it depends on the expression.

01-16-2011, 10:39 AM	#14
MysticOceansFL Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Preferred Pronoun?: People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status: Not Single, Not Desperate. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 3,833 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,645 Thanked 4,033 Times in 1,720 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	It is as long as it's not taken for granted of! I would think. __________________ Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "......