Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[apretty]

Originally Posted by EzeeTiger

a nice rack

you're drunk.

[AtLast]

Carriage... its all in how she carries herself (Hack mentioned this and I agree). That is what attracts me initially. Sure, most of this right off is physical, but it really only takes a few minutes of talking to a woman to know if there could be a connection. It takes time to really find out if someone has the rest- the mental (intelligence and for me, curiosity and a mind that wants to keep learning), emotional (stability and the ability to be emotionally present) along with a depth of spirit (or the soul as it gives us balance in life). And there are all those musts that both people have and the degrees of mutual acceptance, the possible compromises of some of these.

I don't know if having had a positive LTR with such a woman in the past is a blessing or a curse. Also, age is a factor I think, or simply experience with life's variables in that I have become absolutely unwilling to settle. I find being single to have its negatives, but honestly, I am content and have a full life. Unless someone will truly be additive to my life, I see no reason to be in a relationship. Yes, I get lonely for more the intimacy that being with someone affords and I know that not having the connections that I seek (and are sought by another), would be empty in the long run. I'm very relational by nature, but most of my needs here are met by family and friends. And I give back in those relationships as it should be.

I enjoy dating overall, although I don’t feel I have to continually be dating someone. I’m not really looking. I’m simply open to possibilities if this is what is to be. And sometimes I am just involved with what is in my life and feel satisfied.

I'm grateful for what I have experienced in love and if I died tomorrow, I would die feeling completeness in my life.

[friskyfemme]

I m a sucker for blonde hair blue-eyed, masculine stone butches. He needs to be a really good kisser. I judge going further with hime based on his kiss. I love the old fashion traditional manners. I love to discuss everything- from the day, world affairs, and the unknown. I need to have conversation not just nods of agreement or frowns of diagreement. I love to engage on opposing views as long as it remains friendly. I am very Spiritual and practice my belief system in my daily life. Sharing and respecting are manditory with me. My guy has to be 100% into me. I want him to do little things without prodding as I do for him. He needs to be patient, kind, and love me.

Is that too much to ask for?

[AtLast]

Character .... yes, character....

Hummmm... I don't know if I have a specific type, other than femme.... I have felt attraction to many styles, body types, hair color, etc., really. Gets back to that carriage and selfhood phenomenon with the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects...

Let's just toast Femmes!!

[bigbutchmistie]

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

[violaine]

spirituality ; inquisitiveness ; acceptance of neurodiversity [for starters] ; animal stewardship ; gentleness + hardcore -

&

taller than i am

[UofMfan]

To me it all comes down to whether they can sing Sesame Street tunes in the middle of the night : )

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

All these questions about a "they", what about "you".
In my world I have to be the one I want to be with for her to be with me.
just sayin... high expectations usually no one can live up to, often give unrealistic consequences.

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by Corkey

All these questions about a "they", what about "you".
In my world I have to be the one I want to be with for her to be with me.
just sayin... high expectations usually no one can live up to, often give unrealistic consequences.

I agree I am all of those things. Minus the girly and the femme preferences of course. I dont ask for somethiing in someone that I am not Hence they arent unrealistic

[cinderella]

Excellent list, BBM - it mirrors mine...

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

[cinderella]

Physically, I am attracted to masculine energy, and an 'in-charge' attitude without being bossy or demanding. I love daddy types - and tho I don't mind being called 'babygirl - I am not a fragile 'babygirl'. I don't want to make decisions for you, but don't want you making them for me either. I wear 'big girl' panties, and carry them very well, thank you...I am an independent, strong woman. That said:

What works me?

First, and foremost, intelligence, wit, and a wicked humor. Keep me laughing, and you might just steal my heart.

A healthy body, mind, and spirit. Hygene, and self-love is important - you need to care for, and about yourself before you can care for anyone.

Integrity, honesty, strenghth of character, fidelity, and trustworthiness. Someone I can lean on for strength, and who isn't afraid to lean on me as well.

Creativity, imagination, whimsy, child-like curiosity and wonder of all things in nature and life, a reader, industrious, ambitious, romantic, sensitive but strong. A sense of fun, and compassion for the less fortunate without being a pushover or doormat.

And the list goes on...but these are the main qualities I look for.

Oh, and a p.s., if you love classic movies and can talk about them intelligently - that's a major PLUS!!! lol Knowing Spanish wouldn't hurt either!

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by cinderella

Excellent list, BBM - it mirrors mine...

Thank You Ms. Cinderella

[key]

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

[Soft*Silver]

[QUOTE=key;70926]
Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

[key]

[quote=softness;70931]

Originally Posted by key

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

I did not interpret it that way. For instance, my dream lover is very self assured (sassy, confident, capable). This woman would most likely want to be with someone equally capable and confident, out there moving and shaking it up in the world. So, I guess in a way it would be fulfilling her needs for me to get more out there, beefing up my self confidence. But really, that is who I want be anyway. Like attracts like right?


I interpreted it to be more of a round about way to motive people to "be all they can be" rather than seeking others to bring these qualities out in them.

[Soft*Silver]

I think I get it. I like the idea of working on yourself to actualize your potential. Its good to do that BEFORE you enter into a dating situation.

I have actually dated a few people based on their potentials and I can promise you, if they havent gotten there on their own, they surely dont have reason to once they got what they want. I refuse to date "potentials" anymore. I date who and what they are at the present time...

I agree that likes attracts. So do opposites, tho. In my own way of thinking, water rises to its own level.

ahh..the beauty of cliches....they are almost as good as

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by key

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

Originally Posted by softness

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

I am of the belief that we attract the kind of energy we are expressing.

At points in my life, I have been in dark/angry/sad or general crappy places and I attracted those kinds of people to me...of course at the time, I may have said "why do I attract all the crazies?" but really it was where I was in my mental/emotional space.

I have spent many years on a journey to figure myself out, my "stuff", understand it, process it...basically understand myself better and be able to own my shit. I'd like to be the best human I can and a good partner to another human. And it's a continuous journey...

Some years ago, my father suggested I make a list - describe the kind of person I would like have as a mate. I made a point to write the things I wanted, rather than those I didn't. It sounds very simple, but it was pretty profound when I finally did it. It actually helped me weed through all those who did not work for me...and I kept getting closer.

[Soft*Silver]

Sassy, just like your daddysuggested to you, I suggested to my daughter, that she make up a list of what she wanted in someone. She took it to heart and came up with a very serious checklist. She had on it, he had to open car doors and let her be seated at a restaurant before he sat down himself. She told me she wanted her men to treat her as well as she has seen my butches I dated, treat me.

Hats off to the ones she admired....and to all the good butches out there that are like that, too.

Sassy Leo, I like how you say that we attract the energy we are expressing. I do believe that I could hold that against any relationship I have had and it be true....

[adorable]

Originally Posted by key

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

The only problem with this idea for me is that it's subject to change without notice. lol. At different times in my life that picture of what is ideal has changed dramatically. I should be the best me I can be everyday - without a goal or plan of attracting someone else. Focusing on whatever idea I have in my head of what I think I want (and I always think I know - I am always wrong too) just offers a distraction from reality.

I read recently that love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I like that one.