Dating other femmes exes: what do you think?

Prudence · 12-27-2012, 08:07 AM

---if you are in my circle of friends, I will not date your ex. To me that is like moving from sister to sister. In this life there are some things you just do not do. This is one of them.--------

Miss Scarlett · 12-27-2012, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prudence

---if you are in my circle of friends, I will not date your ex. To me that is like moving from sister to sister. In this life there are some things you just do not do. This is one of them.--------

My thoughts as well. Thank you Prudence...

GPS · 12-27-2012, 09:26 AM

this is like a loaded question ....

Ginger · 12-27-2012, 09:36 AM

If someone wants to date one of my exes, you have my blessing.

I couldn't be happy with them, but who am I to deny their (or your, or any of my femme friends') pursuit of happiness with them.

If I were still in love with any of them, I guess I would feel differently, but I can't know for sure.

One of them, I knew I was over her when I heard she was dating someone and my gut response was a panicked urge to warn and protect the femme from going through what I did.

But that's the only strong reaction I've had, about any of my exes being with someone else.

For the most part, my exes are decent people, just not a good match with me. And there are so few choices out there, IMO, of people who are right for us. I don't want to make the field any more narrow for someone else.

When it comes to making what some would view as inappropriate choices of a lover, I also look with hope at the example of my sister, who fell in love with her neighbor.

She was married and had a toddler and a small child at the time. Couldn't possibly have been messier—not to mention, they had to alert their chief officers in the governments of two countries, because the men worked together in a sort of tricky configuration.

"Bless her heart," said my best gay male friend in his Texan twang. "An international incident."

I agree. I say bless her heart, which she followed.

Because now, 20 years later, instead of having endured with the wrong man, (who I love like a brother, but I understand why she didn't want to remain married to him), she is living with her best friend and lover, and they have the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever seen, with lots of common interests, flirting, laughing, trust and a strong emotional bond.

If one of my exes if your truly right person, your once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness, or even if you just want to have some fun with her, I say, Go for it, and again, you have my blessing.

Hollylane · 12-27-2012, 10:10 AM

One of the reasons it didn't even occur to me, for quite some time, to consider engaging in dating type conversation with Gaige, was because the only way I knew of her, other than her infrequent posts and the handsome photos of her I'd come across and admire in the gallery, was because she had dated someone in my circle of femme acquaintances. I didn't know, or need to know the reasons they were no longer dating. I only knew that they had. When Gaige did approach me, respectfully, for the friendship and conversation that lead to our wonderful romance, enough time had passed that I didn't feel that there was any disrespect in continuing to get to know her.

When I place myself in someone else's shoes, I try to show the utmost kindness and respect for other femme's feelings. I don't think that this means you can never date someone that dated someone you are acquainted with, but I do think that there should be some time that has passed before engaging in that way, out of respect for both parties feelings.

I can tell you, as a friend to another femme, if I knew that my friend was still in love with someone, or was still suffering emotionally over a butch, regardless of the length of time that had passed, it would never occur to me to date the person that she still felt so strongly about.

Abigail Crabby · 12-27-2012, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prudence

---if you are in my circle of friends, I will not date your ex. To me that is like moving from sister to sister. In this life there are some things you just do not do. This is one of them.--------

My thoughts exactly and expressed so eloquently...

12-27-2012, 08:07 AM	#1
Prudence Member How Do You Identify?: "congratulations, it's a girl" Preferred Pronoun?: Woman Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Second star to the right, and straight on till morning. Posts: 509 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,333 Thanked 1,177 Times in 363 Posts Rep Power: 9187054	---if you are in my circle of friends, I will not date your ex. To me that is like moving from sister to sister. In this life there are some things you just do not do. This is one of them.-------- __________________ "There is a vitality, a life force, and energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique."---Martha Graham

12-27-2012, 09:26 AM	#3
GPS Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Daddy to my 5 year old.. Preferred Pronoun?: Banned 12/27/2012 - Former member came back under a new name Relationship Status: Enjoying Life Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: the south, is where i like it Posts: 505 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,820 Thanked 1,171 Times in 351 Posts Rep Power: 0	this is like a loaded question ....

12-27-2012, 09:36 AM	#4
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,296 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	If someone wants to date one of my exes, you have my blessing. I couldn't be happy with them, but who am I to deny their (or your, or any of my femme friends') pursuit of happiness with them. If I were still in love with any of them, I guess I would feel differently, but I can't know for sure. One of them, I knew I was over her when I heard she was dating someone and my gut response was a panicked urge to warn and protect the femme from going through what I did. But that's the only strong reaction I've had, about any of my exes being with someone else. For the most part, my exes are decent people, just not a good match with me. And there are so few choices out there, IMO, of people who are right for us. I don't want to make the field any more narrow for someone else. When it comes to making what some would view as inappropriate choices of a lover, I also look with hope at the example of my sister, who fell in love with her neighbor. She was married and had a toddler and a small child at the time. Couldn't possibly have been messier—not to mention, they had to alert their chief officers in the governments of two countries, because the men worked together in a sort of tricky configuration. "Bless her heart," said my best gay male friend in his Texan twang. "An international incident." I agree. I say bless her heart, which she followed. Because now, 20 years later, instead of having endured with the wrong man, (who I love like a brother, but I understand why she didn't want to remain married to him), she is living with her best friend and lover, and they have the happiest, healthiest relationship I've ever seen, with lots of common interests, flirting, laughing, trust and a strong emotional bond. If one of my exes if your truly right person, your once-in-a-lifetime chance at happiness, or even if you just want to have some fun with her, I say, Go for it, and again, you have my blessing.

12-27-2012, 10:10 AM	#5
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,361 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	One of the reasons it didn't even occur to me, for quite some time, to consider engaging in dating type conversation with Gaige, was because the only way I knew of her, other than her infrequent posts and the handsome photos of her I'd come across and admire in the gallery, was because she had dated someone in my circle of femme acquaintances. I didn't know, or need to know the reasons they were no longer dating. I only knew that they had. When Gaige did approach me, respectfully, for the friendship and conversation that lead to our wonderful romance, enough time had passed that I didn't feel that there was any disrespect in continuing to get to know her. When I place myself in someone else's shoes, I try to show the utmost kindness and respect for other femme's feelings. I don't think that this means you can never date someone that dated someone you are acquainted with, but I do think that there should be some time that has passed before engaging in that way, out of respect for both parties feelings. I can tell you, as a friend to another femme, if I knew that my friend was still in love with someone, or was still suffering emotionally over a butch, regardless of the length of time that had passed, it would never occur to me to date the person that she still felt so strongly about.