Grieving

Tommi · 11-17-2009, 09:24 PM

Love you guys N gals, Grieving with friends...even if typed touches ones heart.

For every day ,I am thankful..and for all of you

Tommi

Jet · 11-17-2009, 09:46 PM

My mom and I were best friends. In 2001, she was found dead in her apartment. I kept calling her thinking she went to Denver to visit my uncles. Finally, when she never answered, one of my uncles went in her apartment and found slumped over dead on the bathroom floor. The autopsy showed nothing as to the cause of death other than she had been dead a week.

I never cried, never said goodbye and never grieved. I was on auto pilot from severe trauma of my own, and I couldn't feel or manage normal feelings about death. It was as though it never happened. It was like the Bible says something like "I set my face like flint." I took care of her apartment and financial affairs with the help of my family, but almost robotically.

And I will tell you now, that long delayed and overdue grief is about to hit as I near the end of my recovery as a trauma survivor.

So, I'm right there with you....

Andrew, Jr. · 11-18-2009, 06:18 PM

Thanks for sharing your story here. Grief comes in waves. Some days are flat, some are rocky, and some are like the waves crashing onto the beach. It is a new norm.

Holidays...for us, we have to create new rituals and new routines to do because of my sister's children. Last year the boys came unglued when we pulled out her ornaments. And she was known for making certain cookies for them. Well, we still have no clue what to do with that one. For us, making a new routine has worked well.

But in reality, you never get over the loss of your loved one. I know I will never get over JoAnn. Never. I am glad to have shared her with a few of you online at CaringBridge. Her husband took it down now.

Life is so short.

Miss_J · 11-19-2009, 10:03 AM

Tomorrow it will be a month since my father passed. I keep thinking I have these emotions under control until all of a sudden it blind sides me, I was re-caulking my bathtub and talking to my boi about how we need to replace several tile on the wall and did hy know how to do that? I said oh its ok honey I will just call my dad... Insert full blow meltdown here while sitting in the bathtub.

I understand that talking really does help and crying is normal and even anger is not unusual, but I don't think I can deal with these complete meltdowns much more.

I too have a brother who commited suicide when I was a teen. It was over half my lifetime ago and it still at times feels so fresh and raw even though I have really processed and worked through those emotions. I miss him and can't help but wonder what kind of man he would be, what kind of relationship would we have and how much fun we would have had picking on the folks.
Everyone here who has shared their personal losses very sincerely have my condolences and

I understand.

Jet · 11-19-2009, 11:40 PM

I'm sorry about your father Miss J. I know what that feels like when loss is so new. You have my condolences as well.

Laidbackgrly · 03-28-2010, 08:39 PM

I lost my Mother in 94 some woman ran a stop sign hit her head on It was a complete shock I never got to know her as a adult As soon as I graduated high school I left home went off to school Life is so diffrent with out her I cant wait to see her again

Gentle Tiger · 09-08-2012, 02:36 PM

To all who share your grief and your stories, thank you.

gaea · 09-08-2012, 02:58 PM

I am glad i saw this thread.....

My mom passed away in June on the 10th....I have been dealing with my grief in my own way...Ive been hearing the words let it go just let it go and this disturbs me because im doing the best i can .....all on my own

I wish i had known about this thread before i might have been able to share in the grief steps...im still going through them

Its been ten years since my dad passed....i miss him terribly too...

JazzyLou0102 · 06-01-2015, 08:12 PM

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

MsTinkerbelly · 06-01-2015, 08:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to
more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing...it helps to reach out and express yourself.

Welcome to BFP

Daisy Chain · 06-02-2015, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

You sound so full of compassion and understanding of her pain.

As you say, they are together again now.

I must acknowledge also that this must of been a harrowing experience to discover her the way you did......

And when you met her and embarked on this relationship, moving in together you must of been full of hope for all the love and happiness that this union would bring.....seems it was to bring very different things.

Sending you love and support and wishing you gentle, healing days.

DC

not2shygrrl · 01-19-2016, 04:59 PM

Well Ma, 7 years ago. As I look at that number (1-2-3-4-5-6-)...7...seven....days, weeks, months, years...I understand the time that has gone by. I feel my heart break.....7....seven.....years could still be just seconds ago....7. The loss of you was a whirlwind for 13 days from beginning to end. Tho that time we had with you was truly a blessing, none of it prepared us for when you were gone. Just like that, the family rock, our Gibraltar. To say thank you cannot conceivably cover what I mean to say, what I want to say. So I say it here, where I know my words will be read, my heartbreak will be felt and others will understand. Sometimes, siblings just don't understand in that your love for me, and the relationships with women I have brought to you, the support and encouragement you openly gave me paved way for the family to accept and embrace me and my relationships. My siblings don't understand how complicated this is for many others who never had this support.

So all I can do is say what I feel, as I always have done. I feel as if I could never thank you enough for loving me no differently, for the life I do have and my happiness all had to do with how you expressed openly your unconditional love. I feel as if I need you here, not there. I feel you have done really well in raising me. I feel a need to hug you and sit with you and talk. I feel as if I need to see your smile.........I feel as if I am being selfish by wanting you here. I feel blessed to have had you for my Ma.
I feel grateful for a space to share this visually, thank you BFP

03-28-2010, 08:39 PM	#6
Laidbackgrly Junior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 80 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4 Thanked 69 Times in 25 Posts Rep Power: 431749	Hi all I lost my Mother in 94 some woman ran a stop sign hit her head on It was a complete shock I never got to know her as a adult As soon as I graduated high school I left home went off to school Life is so diffrent with out her I cant wait to see her again

09-08-2012, 02:36 PM	#7
Gentle Tiger Moderator How Do You Identify?: As a Tiger of course Preferred Pronoun?: Not the Old Man Relationship Status: Two Tigers Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Northern California Posts: 7,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,001 Thanked 15,990 Times in 3,992 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	To all who share your grief and your stories, thank you. __________________ Please like

09-08-2012, 02:58 PM	#8
gaea Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: west coast Posts: 3,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,630 Thanked 14,363 Times in 3,381 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I am glad i saw this thread..... My mom passed away in June on the 10th....I have been dealing with my grief in my own way...Ive been hearing the words let it go just let it go and this disturbs me because im doing the best i can .....all on my own I wish i had known about this thread before i might have been able to share in the grief steps...im still going through them Its been ten years since my dad passed....i miss him terribly too... __________________ Gaea "Building a lifetime together one day at a time" Courage: the willingness to risk who you are for who you want to be and what you have for what you want You're not who your past says you are, you are who you choose to be today moving forward.

06-01-2015, 08:12 PM	#9
JazzyLou0102 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Join Date: May 2015 Location: Tennessee Posts: 3 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 18 Times in 3 Posts Rep Power: 0	New here and... Hi all, I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go: Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad. As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more. I miss her - but I know she is free of pain. Thanks for letting me share, Jazzy

01-19-2016, 04:59 PM	#12
not2shygrrl Member How Do You Identify?: as a Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: under the cover of starry starry nights...enjoying a warm fire in the pit ! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: in a cabin in the woods Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,068 Thanked 2,454 Times in 546 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	from number 6of10 Well Ma, 7 years ago. As I look at that number (1-2-3-4-5-6-)...7...seven....days, weeks, months, years...I understand the time that has gone by. I feel my heart break.....7....seven.....years could still be just seconds ago....7. The loss of you was a whirlwind for 13 days from beginning to end. Tho that time we had with you was truly a blessing, none of it prepared us for when you were gone. Just like that, the family rock, our Gibraltar. To say thank you cannot conceivably cover what I mean to say, what I want to say. So I say it here, where I know my words will be read, my heartbreak will be felt and others will understand. Sometimes, siblings just don't understand in that your love for me, and the relationships with women I have brought to you, the support and encouragement you openly gave me paved way for the family to accept and embrace me and my relationships. My siblings don't understand how complicated this is for many others who never had this support. So all I can do is say what I feel, as I always have done. I feel as if I could never thank you enough for loving me no differently, for the life I do have and my happiness all had to do with how you expressed openly your unconditional love. I feel as if I need you here, not there. I feel you have done really well in raising me. I feel a need to hug you and sit with you and talk. I feel as if I need to see your smile.........I feel as if I am being selfish by wanting you here. I feel blessed to have had you for my Ma. I feel grateful for a space to share this visually, thank you BFP

11-17-2009, 09:24 PM	#1
Tommi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Usually "Hello" Relationship Status: Married and Bound to Tommi's kaijira (Ts_kaijira ) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Suthun.... California that is. Across the ridge from Laguna Beach. Posts: 8,151 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,621 Thanked 21,338 Times in 5,970 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Love you guys N gals, Grieving with friends...even if typed touches ones heart. For every day ,I am thankful..and for all of you Tommi

11-17-2009, 09:46 PM	#2
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	My mom and I were best friends. In 2001, she was found dead in her apartment. I kept calling her thinking she went to Denver to visit my uncles. Finally, when she never answered, one of my uncles went in her apartment and found slumped over dead on the bathroom floor. The autopsy showed nothing as to the cause of death other than she had been dead a week. I never cried, never said goodbye and never grieved. I was on auto pilot from severe trauma of my own, and I couldn't feel or manage normal feelings about death. It was as though it never happened. It was like the Bible says something like "I set my face like flint." I took care of her apartment and financial affairs with the help of my family, but almost robotically. And I will tell you now, that long delayed and overdue grief is about to hit as I near the end of my recovery as a trauma survivor. So, I'm right there with you....

11-18-2009, 06:18 PM	#3
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thanks for sharing your story here. Grief comes in waves. Some days are flat, some are rocky, and some are like the waves crashing onto the beach. It is a new norm. Holidays...for us, we have to create new rituals and new routines to do because of my sister's children. Last year the boys came unglued when we pulled out her ornaments. And she was known for making certain cookies for them. Well, we still have no clue what to do with that one. For us, making a new routine has worked well. But in reality, you never get over the loss of your loved one. I know I will never get over JoAnn. Never. I am glad to have shared her with a few of you online at CaringBridge. Her husband took it down now. Life is so short.

11-19-2009, 10:03 AM	#4
Miss_J Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: ? Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Michigan Posts: 508 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,415 Thanked 1,558 Times in 324 Posts Rep Power: 10308963	Tomorrow it will be a month since my father passed. I keep thinking I have these emotions under control until all of a sudden it blind sides me, I was re-caulking my bathtub and talking to my boi about how we need to replace several tile on the wall and did hy know how to do that? I said oh its ok honey I will just call my dad... Insert full blow meltdown here while sitting in the bathtub. I understand that talking really does help and crying is normal and even anger is not unusual, but I don't think I can deal with these complete meltdowns much more. I too have a brother who commited suicide when I was a teen. It was over half my lifetime ago and it still at times feels so fresh and raw even though I have really processed and worked through those emotions. I miss him and can't help but wonder what kind of man he would be, what kind of relationship would we have and how much fun we would have had picking on the folks. Everyone here who has shared their personal losses very sincerely have my condolences and I understand.

11-19-2009, 11:40 PM	#5
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I'm sorry about your father Miss J. I know what that feels like when loss is so new. You have my condolences as well.