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Old 02-17-2013, 12:45 PM   #19
alexri
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I think there are certain things in the wishlist that aren't wishes but are rather non-negotiable deal-breakers. To me this is more serious than settling/not-settling. These non-negotiable items for me include physical or emotional abuse, lying, cheating, stealing, smoking, or being with someone who abuses alcohol or other drugs. For me, I don't think these are requirements that should ever be adjusted regardless of life's changes.

I do believe there are some standards that you just can't settle for, because if you did, the relationship is destined to fail. An example of being realistic and keeping your standards would not be hoping for a long term relationship with someone who has expressed no interest in being a parent, while you already have, or have always wanted, a family.

After the non-negotiable items, I look at what I'm willing to, for lack of a better word, compromise on.

No one is perfect. There is no perfect partner. We all have flaws and baggage, and we all make mistakes. I don't believe someone exists that is 100% of everything you're looking for in a partner. I think being realistic is finding someone who makes you happy, who shares common interests but not so much that it's like you were separated at birth, who will respect you, be honest, be loyal, be kind, and be trustworthy. And I think often we can be surprised by someone showing us things we never thought of in a partner, but will be thankful for.

At the same time, I would never ask or expect someone to change for me. If someone want to change something in his/her life it has to be because he/she wants to. If you ask someone to give up a lifetime hobby you hate, instead of compromising that the person can engage in this hobby without you/with friends, you're going to lose. Sometimes it's about finding the balance.
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