New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

I love your honest post about cleaning house, and yes I agree that sometimes we get into relationships that make us want to change everything about us, including the vagina. What I have learned is as I have matured into my gender (Femme) that sometimes we make bad relationship choices that leave us mucked up and feeling dirtied up (and when I say this I don't mean in a hygenic way more of a spiritual/emotional/mental way). My vagina is just as empowered as I so when I have experienced this moment of muck like you stated changing not only the aesthetic but my inner me has helped make better choices and healthier ones.

[Martina]

I can't IMAGINE buying new. There are things you use for only one person because of body fluid contact and the inability to clean them. Some canes, for example. But otherwise, no.

New bed? Seriously??

If the memory of your ex is that present and potentially contaminating, I do not think new equipment is going to solve the problem. More of a therapy issue.

[Hollylane]

Gaige and I have talked about this a few times. I have to say, that as long as it is a comfortable fit for both of us (ie: length, girth, and appearance in or out of her clothes), and for me, skin sensitivities have been addressed, the only more important thing left to do or think about, is to enjoy our love making. Neither of us is thinking about anything other than loosing ourselves in each other.

Other purchases along the way, have just made for variety and fun, and we prefer to share the cost of these items.

We are both obsessively clean when it comes to our bodies and our stuff, and Gaige researches the care and proper cleaning necessary for each new item in our collection.

For me, these conversations, regarding preferences, occur long before any chance of sex happening. To me, sex is private and personal, an important part of my health and well being, and I want to know about relationship and sexual compatibility, before I become intimate with a partner.

I don't think anyone is wrong or right, it is just a matter of communicating with new partners. For some, it is difficult to communicate about these topics without embarrassment/shame, or for fear of coming off as sexually aggressive when being blunt, but I submit that it is important to find the strength to do so, to protect oneself and any potential partner, both physically and emotionally.

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Martina

I can't IMAGINE buying new. There are things you use for only one person because of body fluid contact and the inability to clean them. Some canes, for example. But otherwise, no.

New bed? Seriously??

If the memory of your ex is that present and potentially contaminating, I do not think new equipment is going to solve the problem. More of a therapy issue.

It's just about compartmentalizing and boundaries for me...

[StrongButch]

I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by StrongButch

I was clear I practice safe sex and buy new friend for my new friend. I also get tested and so does my partner. I grew up in the city of free love (SF) so im pretty aware. We are all different and have different ways of doing things. You do it your way I do it mine. No big deal to me. Play safe and have fun.

I don't think anyone is debating the everyone have it your way thought. What I found very disconcerting (can't figure out why no one else has) was at the beginning of the thread the *icky*, *classless*, *dirty*, *gross* descriptors were used.

It's understandable that we are all diferent and we are all going to have different thoughts, but to come in and generalize and use those kinds of descriptors was not necessary.'


I personally am not the kind of person that sees love and sex as something that is interconnected. Sometimes people just fuck, and when they do they are going to use whatever equipment they have. As long as they are being safe there should be no need to go buy all new hardware for the next person they are intimate be it a heart, mind, carnal, sexual, spontaneous connection/s

[StrongButch]

Im not sure why they used those words. Maybe they will answer. I understand the love and sex thing you are talking about. Good luck getting an answer from those who used those terms. Have a great night and enjoy.

[AmazonWoman1]

I was sorry to hear you felt so bad after a breakdown you needed to do a Phoenix to be reborn SuddenlyWestFemme but it was a gift that helped to give us such a cogent reply as you grew into & gave.Loved it*S*
That said I wonder how many of the people that want you to buy all new stuff have tossed out all items purchased by their exes for them especially sentimental things like cards perfume clothes jewelry etc.I have a feeling the judgemental attitude would be lost immediately or at the very least renegotiated.I use a condom on all my dildos always.If its an issue of cleanliness most microbes do not last over 3 days on a surface devoid of liquid so if they did not have sex within a week say whats the REAL issue? I find it highly unreasonable to ask a butch/partner to be replacing ALL toys every time.
Lets be real we all want the relationship to last forever but it does not always happen.I would be ecstatic if life was that simple but it is not.If the issue is an emotional one about feeling threatened by past relationships thats a 2 way street also.Im never going to ask her to throw away all of the old letters poems etc from an ex that gave her great comfort.Those things have become part of who she is & therefore part of the all encompassing being that she has become that I am now choosing to love so I do not want to remove any of it.That ex made her a better gf for me so thank you.Lets look inside ourselves to ask truly what is the fear about .Is it truly about some inanimate objects or something else?If its something else then lets talk about that instead & save my wallet great pain as well as me looking at you as if you are unreasonable.*S*If you insist on new toys for you alone then you need to pay at least 1/2 for your issues since I do not share them but I am willing to negotiate because I AM reasonable *S*

[Diablo]

im all for whatever floats your boat..and in whatever level of intimacy one is seeking....via one nighters...or long terms..you need to be comfortable (whatever comfortable is to you) in the safety level you seek. I would NEVER toss my toys or cock for anyone. There for i doubt i would ever be in the situation to be asked to do so. If i was asked..i would politely decline. Its not about them paying for half of the toys..or even really the cost..though..they are not cheap. For me its the principal of it. Sex to me is about YOU and I...not the last person i fucked or the last person you fucked.

I do use different lube for anal sex vs vaginal...i have used gloves...i use condoms...and ive used dental dams....I know what my level of comfort is for sex...and im always willing to meet the "safety" concerns for my sexual partners within reason...and my line is my toys...if you want me to use new toys with you..then bring your own....and problem solved!

Its about about compatibility....there are no right or wrongs..just different..just find that person who shares the same views as you.

[nina03]

I haven't really seen anyone address this subject from a poly point of view, yet. Most responses that I've seen have addressed what folks do when moving from one monogamous relationship to another one. I am poly, and while that usually means I am in a "relationship" with people that I am sexually involved with, it doesn't always. So sometimes I have sex with someone that is not one of my regular sex partners. I am femme, but I am a femme who packs sometimes. I am not going to go buy a new cock every time I want to fuck someone. I don't have that kind of money. I do, however, have a very nice silicone cock, that can be boiled to sterilize it, along with a machine washable harness. I use condoms on my cock, and gloves and dental dams for other kinds of sex, no exceptions. When I am letting someone fuck me, I have a conversation about whether or not they sterilize their cock, and I use condoms for additional protection. For bdsm related toys, when I'm playing with other people, I tend to like toys that are easy to clean. I use a lot of rubber, which hurts like hell to hit with, and can be cleaned very thoroughly. Now all of this is different from what I do with my primary partner. Max and I have a range of toys that are just for us. Not all of the cocks are silicone, a lot of the bdsm stuff is leather. We have a policy that we practice safer sex with other people, but not with each other. We also get tested once a year (or more often if we feel like we need to.) This system has worked well for us so far, and neither of us has any STIs.

[Angeltoes]

Maybe the one who feels uncomfortable about the toys should just buy new ones. Problem solved? Also, I've never seen a dental dam in my life...and I didn't know people actually used them.

[DMW]

With all due respect...it's My Cock; not hers. Not to mention, she would be sorry if one of My Cocks, in particular, (from San fran which isn't available anymore) ; was not to be experienced anymore.

With that said...I believe that all women deserve the respect to choose a new and/or a favorite cock as an option ( if necessary New purchaces) in order to be satisfied and satiated since she is, after all, the one receiving penetration.

There's always room for growth and exploration...hopefully.

Cheers,

DMW

[TheMerryFairy]

If I was to become sexually involved with somebody who had difficulty or a preference then I would simply use their toys on them or I would find something that worked for us both.

Everybody has different needs and desires so while I personally wouldn't mind toys that were used to be used with me and I would certainly keep using the ones I had with others, I am flexible.

Sometimes purchasing new toys together or apart is fun and can add another level of intimacy as well.

[betruetoyoursoul]

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

Meri, Thank-you for starting this thread, I have to say, I am in complete agreement with you! I respect other's thoughts and actions.

[jac]

Originally Posted by Gemme

He bought a new cock that we both went and sought out together (at a darling family-owned business and from a really sweet butch) and he has one familiar to him that I had nothing to do with purchasing.

Yes yes, this is what I enjoy about buying new for her... with her. Taking the time to discuss and share the size, etc. It gives her a place in the experience. And yeh bio males don't do this... but I/we have this privilege with me not being a bio male.

[Chancie]

I have several 'toys' that I have only used on Pete.

I probably wouldn't enjoy using those pretty objects on anyone else, but

That would be my decision.

Crikey there's some big expectations here.

I can't get with this "my chap has class (and by inference loves (her) more) he treated me to a new cock" business. It's nothing to do with 'class' or 'respect'.

What about some respect coming the other way? Most of us, the majority I would wager, are not 'unclean' and many fastidious about our sexual practice/cleanliness. I have an advantage over a bio bloke in that I can bleach my cock thanks ever so much.

If you don't trust the dood/dyke/et al don't shag 'em. Simples!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Crikey there's some big expectations here.

I can't get with this "my chap has class (and by inference loves (her) more) he treated me to a new cock" business. It's nothing to do with 'class' or 'respect'.

What about some respect coming the other way? Most of us, the majority I would wager, are not 'unclean' and many fastidious about our sexual practice/cleanliness. I have an advantage over a bio bloke in that I can bleach my cock thanks ever so much.

If you don't trust the dood/dyke/et al don't shag 'em. Simples!

The bolded line bears repeating!

[little_ms_sunshyne]

This is such an interesting topic...

I am having some trouble with wording and I hope this
comes out right...

I do not have any issues with using toys/pieces
that have been previously used in a prior relationship
so long as they have been sterilized. I can also see how the need for a new toy may arise for other purposes. I do believe it is fun shopping for
new pieces as a couple to experiment or just to fit personal
fantasies, pleasures, or preferences.

Quite frankly, For me, if there is ever a moment when
I question whether or not something should
come in contact with my vagina, then this is
probably not a person I want to be intimate with.

[kittygrrl]

Cock history..something new to comtemplate ..I've never thought to ask but thinking about it now all I can say is I trust my lover, his instincts, hygiene etc otherwise why would i be there? ..discussion is good, if it's needed (somethings should be) but cock history has a never occurred to me.