What makes a Butch "Butch"

[Ascot]

I've been thinking a bit about this since I saw this topic on the front page the other day. Rare is it that I actually consider what makes me butch because like anything other aspect, it is inextricably woven into my very fiber. Butchness is simply another thread in my tapestry. When a straight female friend was talking about wanting me in her wedding, sans any prompting from me she said, "And of course you can wear a tux." So a part of who I am is my butchness that it seems my being anything but doesn't even occur to anyone else. A couple of friends' kids who are certainly old enough to know I am female refer to me as Uncle Lise on their own accord and it just makes sense to everyone even though I am not male identified. Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I've known I was butch since I was really young and my parents were open minded enough to let me be who I was. My mother knew enough to buy me the jeans with the reinforced knees and the Converse chucks with no pink on them. She did clamp a bit on the sound that I made while playing shooting games with my buddies, but that was only because I was running around the neighborhood shouting "douche douche!" (you must admit, with enough emphasis, it makes a pretty good gun noise) Everything I do is imbued with female masculinity because I am. The way I smoke a cigar, the way I arrange flowers, that I love to cook, the way I fuck. Do those things make me butch? I don't know. I just know they make me, me.

[Wolfsong]

Originally Posted by psykbutch

Heya you said:


Well....I don't think she likes anything to do with bdsm, we might run into a compatibility issue. The only way I could really get that hotness off of being walked through the crowd is if the person...liked to dominate? Dee is really gentle...I don't think I am, and would rather be handled roughly myself. Oye...


Thanks for the advice...I do tend to just blend butch/femme sub/dom all together

Listen, there are plenty of people here with a lot of experience with BDSM (I am not one of them) that can help you with that and they are typically very open to people that are interested.

Originally Posted by AscotButch

I've been thinking a bit about this since I saw this topic on the front page the other day. Rare is it that I actually consider what makes me butch because like anything other aspect, it is inextricably woven into my very fiber. Butchness is simply another thread in my tapestry. When a straight female friend was talking about wanting me in her wedding, sans any prompting from me she said, "And of course you can wear a tux." So a part of who I am is my butchness that it seems my being anything but doesn't even occur to anyone else. A couple of friends' kids who are certainly old enough to know I am female refer to me as Uncle Lise on their own accord and it just makes sense to everyone even though I am not male identified. Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I've known I was butch since I was really young and my parents were open minded enough to let me be who I was. My mother knew enough to buy me the jeans with the reinforced knees and the Converse chucks with no pink on them. She did clamp a bit on the sound that I made while playing shooting games with my buddies, but that was only because I was running around the neighborhood shouting "douche douche!" (you must admit, with enough emphasis, it makes a pretty good gun noise) Everything I do is imbued with female masculinity because I am. The way I smoke a cigar, the way I arrange flowers, that I love to cook, the way I fuck. Do those things make me butch? I don't know. I just know they make me, me.

I was not quite so fortunate. My mom was forever and up until about 7th grade when I finally put my boots down about it trying to femmify me. In 6th grade she picked a bra for me that was probably not the best choice as it had a padded liner. Now, I mentioned previously that these things were big enough for their own zip code. It wasn't much different back then except......back then it was painful and humiliating. That bra ruined me for about a week. One of those cheerleading bitches yelled out over the lunch room for everyone to look at my boobage because I had clearly stuffed my bra. No real way to prove that at the short length I was willing to go at the time. I stomped out of there humiliated, and angry with hot tears running down my face. I didn't know at the time it would only last until the next unwitting target presented itself.

[Wolfsong]

Originally Posted by Wolfsong

Listen, there are plenty of people here with a lot of experience with BDSM (I am not one of them) that can help you with that and they are typically very open to people that are interested.

Psky -

Ok ......some of them. One thing is certain, if you step on someone's label around here you can be sure that several someones will let you know about it.



Don't sweat the small stuff in any case. Know what the real truth is? Being butch to you is whatever the hell you want it to be. Yesterday some guy called me Sir 5 times in a 4 minute conversation AFTER I stopped him and said Sir my name is Margherita.

What I really wanted to say is "Listen pencil-dick, my name is "Margherita Natalia Luisa panty-wearing Wolferelli. Did you not hear me or are you just really that stupid?" I didn't say anything............I wear boxers.

[psykftm]

I just got back from sawmill..its a gay community in florida that allows lesbians to come and camp every now and then.

I saw a lot of couples that you would call butch/butch couples via appearance...makes me feel like its not as rare as it seems. However, the couple who comes to mind with this...no way would I walk up to them and be all "hey, your in a butch/butch relationship?" I think they met each othewr and liked each other, and that was it...I get the feeling that they reject labels altogether..sounding more and more like the way to go..but at the same time I have pride in being butch.

I guess how this all relates to what defines a butch for me....part of it for me is my admiration/love for butches. Dammit I had a thought but I got drunk

[Ascot]

What about, rather than putting any sort of pressure on yourself to define/determine what sort of butch you are, you simply strive to get the best sense of self you can? Perhaps in doing that the butch tumblers will fall into place for you. As I said above, my butchness isn't generally something I even think about because it's simply one aspect of my existence. While I understand how labels are useful in the context of some conversations because they help delineate constructs, for the most part I'm inclined to say, "Fuck 'em."

I'm curious about something else. You've said that part of what defines butch for you is your "admiration/love for butches". By that do you mean women who present in the physical way that reads butch to you (allowing for the fact that we come in every conceivable shape, size, attire, hair style, plumage, etc), or are you also talking about that energy, in all its permutations, that is endemic to the butch nation? I ask because it's always interesting to me to find out what turns people on. And, probably, I'm nosy.

[psykftm]

Originally Posted by AscotButch

What about, rather than putting any sort of pressure on yourself to define/determine what sort of butch you are, you simply strive to get the best sense of self you can? Perhaps in doing that the butch tumblers will fall into place for you. As I said above, my butchness isn't generally something I even think about because it's simply one aspect of my existence. While I understand how labels are useful in the context of some conversations because they help delineate constructs, for the most part I'm inclined to say, "Fuck 'em."

"I'm curious about something else. You've said that part of what defines butch for you is your "admiration/love for butches". By that do you mean women who present in the physical way that reads butch to you (allowing for the fact that we come in every conceivable shape, size, attire, hair style, plumage, etc), or are you also talking about that energy, in all its permutations, that is endemic to the butch nation? I ask because it's always interesting to me to find out what turns people on. And, probably, I'm nosy.

Finding out what type of butch I am has been problematic for me, so I'm definitely trying to retrain my mind to not label myself...however, when I see someone who identifies as butch....it makes me so happy lol, butches who identify as butch must have some pride there, right?
Lol I really don't know what I meant by my admiration of other butches is part of what makes me butch...more like a brotherhood/sense of belonging feeling? But a butch that really turns me on...will come up and shove me, and if I shove back, which I will lol, my type of hot butch is durable if not stronger than I am. When this butch shaves my head, it digs in rough so I can feel it-roughness is huge for me. Confident butches are super hot. Short hair, baggy clothes...the walk haha. Butches that pack are also a huge turn on. If it didn't freak my gf out, I might pack too. (she also does not pack. I'm lucky we are together in the first place, she likes femmes, but she did like "me".)

And some of the butchness ties into bdsm stuff for me...
So thanks to CheryINYC, I now have this term I can throw around for myself..."submissive butch". I mean, I'm not going to be bossed around or anything, I'm a bit of a switch anyway. I'm five foot nothing, so its hard for me to think someone would take me seriously as a dom, especially since I'm not much of an entertainer.

I love dom butches though. But no degradation/shame, and they can't say "obey me" or "submit"...it would have to be more like.. jeez I donno..."you're going to relax. Stop fighting me. Now." You know, all standing over me and shit daring me to challenge it.
That's one of my wrestling fantasies. Just that firm confidence. So I guess I'm saying the dynamic has to be right. My girlfriend is not into bdsm...it would kill me if we broke up over it, but the incompatibility might be a major problem. Now she's a gentle butch, but she's bigger than me, even though I'm stronger....but, she is a manger

I think I'm gonna stop there; hope I actually answered your question somewhere in there lolz

[TruTexan]

I was born butch I believe, honestly I do. I fit so well in my butchness it's like being "home". I have the walk, swagger, whatever else you wanna say. I'm just me and I'm butch. I also believe my "attitude" is also what makes me butch to an extent. How I carry myself.
But, I would look like whoopie goldberg in a dress and heels....lmao I can't walk in heels and I look out of place in a dress and makeup. Just don't work for me at all. LOL
No offense to anyone else, butch or not, that can wear feminine clothing, and I completely understand that some jobs butches have calls for them to wear more feminine clothing. Wear what you want when you either have to or want to, the clothing doesn't make you butch......YOU MAKE YOU BUTCH!!

[Loren_Q]

Originally Posted by psykbutch

...snip...

And some of the butchness ties into bdsm stuff for me...
So thanks to CheryINYC, I now have this term I can throw around for myself..."submissive butch". I mean, I'm not going to be bossed around or anything, I'm a bit of a switch anyway. I'm five foot nothing, so its hard for me to think someone would take me seriously as a dom, especially since I'm not much of an entertainer.

You might be surprised... I know a number of tops/doms that hover at the 5' mark. Dominance isn't about size, it's about composure and authority.

Personally, I find it thrilling that I can engage with someone who could throw me across the room, but I know they won't.