Things you should never say on a date.

[Cin]

I had forgotten this. This date was years ago, I mean years, when I still dated men. A friend fixed me up with her boyfriend’s cousin. We all went to the beach and I guess things were going along okay until the guy starts telling me how great he is at holding his breath. I’m like okay wonderful.

He keeps going on about it. So I offer to watch him (I figure guys like that) or time him (I know little kids love it when you time their exploits, maybe he does too.) I’m struggling cause truthfully I don’t really know what he wants me to do with this information. I’m thinking so you can hold your breath for a long time, it’s not the most useful talent in the world unless you are a free diver or dive for abalone or something.

Apparently the point is to dazzle us with his ability by challenging us to a breath-holding contest and beating us badly. He wants us all to go in the water, dive down around the rocks, grab on and stay down as long as we can. I’m thinking to myself, I hope this guy can really hold his breath a long time or he’s gong to be very disappointed. I love snorkeling and often do a bit of free diving when I’m out because it allows me to go down deeper and get a closer look around and I can seriously hold my breath. I try to tell the guy this, just letting him know that I might have an unfair advantage cause of all the breath holding practice I’ve had. He’s not impressed and isn’t having any of it. He thinks I’m trying to psyche him out or something.

Anyway off we go, I dive down grab a rock and a seat and I don’t come up until I really have to. I have no idea how much I beat him by, although my friend told me later it was a painfully long time. He was so pissed off he didn’t even look at me the rest of what became a rather truncated version of an afternoon at the beach. He just hung out with his cousin until we left. As he’s getting in his car he turns to me and says “Just a word of advice, guys don’t like it when you try to act like you are better than them. You really should act more like a girl.” I so wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I said “And you think acting like a girl would prevent someone from being better than you are? Anyway I don’t have to act like I’m better than you, that’s for sure.” I never saw him again. And that was too soon. Asshole. Thank god I figured out I'm a butch and I love femmes. That worked out ever so much better. Not that straight guys have cornered the market in what not to say on a first date. As this thread aptly illustrates.