Changing last names

[Martina]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

no one in butch or femme land ever does anything remotely heterosexual. we made all of our own dynamics up from thin air and out of our own bums. we were born blind to gender roles and created our own from scratch.

We are different because the material reality of our lives as lived over generations has been different from the lives heterosexual couples lived. We are different because none of us truly was raised with male privilege. We are different because there still are not the institutional rewards and sanctions imposed upon us that most heterosexual couples benefit from/contend with.

But are we plagued by unexamined sexist expectations and beliefs? Yes, we are. As a group, in general, it is safe to say that we are. And it's a problem, IMO.

Having said that, I do not think that any given behavior functions in a heteronormative way in any given relationship. As you say, it depends on the couple and how self-aware they are. And I agree with Anya, at some point you gotta just live your life in the best way you know how, being happy and doing as little harm as possible.