Things you should never say on a date.

[*Anya*]

Emotional truth

Verbalizing (or writing about) a current or previously felt state of joy, sorrow, anger, envy, hostility, love, hate, misery, jealousy or happiness.

I am a psychiatric RN, so I deal with folks sharing their own deep emotional truths every day.

I did not expect it on a first meeting with someone on a very casual coffee date.

It can be any medium, however.

Wiki has the following descriptor of a guitarist performance:

The album is produced by Andy Tommasi. One reviewer wrote, "…Campilongo plays like he’s engaging in a long, very personal conversation: It ranges from heated to relaxed, angst-ridden, and even a little flirty—but it’s always fluent, spontaneous and full of nuance, texture, and emotional truth." [7]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Campilongo

[imperfect_cupcake]

I still don't get what one is...

But that's ok.


For me, if the first meeting is fluffy and I don't hear anything connecting, like being emotionally open and connecting with me like... I dunno... I ask people what their first memory is. From that info I ask about their relationship to that. I'm socially promiscuous. I like gritty emotional connections with people. But I'm also a die hard extrovert and people are my books so I may differ from others who don't like connecting with strangers. Without pay lol.

This is why getting to know people is a good thing, right? If someone doesn't open up on the first meet, I think "too difficult, emotionally closed. No thanks"

I like hearing about someone's relationship with their dad. It's fascinating. Good stuff.

But you get that stuff daily. So I can see why for you, it would be a drag.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

I still don't get what one is...

But that's ok.

I like hearing about someone's relationship with their dad. It's fascinating. Good stuff.

But you get that stuff daily. So I can see why for you, it would be a drag.

Ouch.

That feels almost insulting-maybe you did not mean it that way.

I love connecting personally emotionally with people but yes, I did draw the line at hearing for 20 minutes straight about the girlfriend that used IV heroin in the bathroom and how she had to call paramedics when she found her dead and how she did not understand that she never saw all the track marks until the open casket funeral...

Just a really out there example but I make no apologies for wanting a little more "fluffy" until, oh, maybe the second meeting.

Healthy emotional boundaries are important to me.

[Candelion]

I've heard this one a couple of times.

Me: So, what do you do for a living?

Date: Well....I have a blog.....sort of

Me: Oh, do tell.

[Duchess]

I can so relate to the topic. I used to think that there were so many things that shouldn't be said, but after a few flops I want to hear everything. I find this works better for me. I want political and spiritual views on the table. I want to be slapped in the face with whatever rude behavior they're packing. I've wasted too much time falling for the polished representative. I'd rather know up front whether to flee or stay.


Duchess

[Martina]

Do not tell me in a dozen different ways how fucking wonderful you are. I'll figure that out for myself. Or not.

[Mel C.]

Tell me anything you want me to know about you, just not on the first date

[cinnamongrrl]

"My mom called. We have to go."

This honest to god happened to me....

[imperfect_cupcake]

I think there is something implicit being stated in "first date" here that isn't really part of how I work, which is why I'm baffled by some of this.

I f this is meet people from online, I tend not to meet up with people without talking for a bit. And usually that involves getting to know you conversations. So by the time I meet them, we've gone past the "fluffy" conversation.

If I'm having a date with someone met through someone else, I've probably hung out with them in a group a few times, at the very least. And had a few conversations on the phone/text/email/Facebook. So again, past the fluffy part.

I'm not a surface conversation girl. I like difficult and meaty subjects, black humour, sarcasm and real life stories. So I get to those fairly quickly. A first date, for me, will not be the first time we've talked. Likely we've talked quite a bit before meeting the first time if online.

So that may be why I don't "get" first date rules.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by cinnamongrrl

"My mom called. We have to go."

This honest to god happened to me....

I have to ask.....

is this like my mom called, we have to go cuz I'll miss curfew or

my mom called, we have to go, cuz there is a family emergency?

[TimilDeeps]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I have to ask.....

is this like my mom called, we have to go cuz I'll miss curfew or

my mom called, we have to go, cuz there is a family emergency?

or my mom called, she'll be here in 10 minutes?

[cinnamongrrl]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I have to ask.....

is this like my mom called, we have to go cuz I'll miss curfew or

my mom called, we have to go, cuz there is a family emergency?

if I recall correctly, she was thirsty amd didnt want anything that was actually in the fridge....and we were over 30 minutes away having lunch.... red flag much??

[Cole610]

A couple weeks ago I picked up my lady friend for our 3rd date.
After she jumped into my truck she looked at me and said. “Hey you got your hair cut! Its about time”
WTF.

[imperfect_cupcake]

No, I have no clue why that would hurt. My ex is an oncology nurse and personally loathes it when sick people ask her for help out of her work hours. Most of the nurses I know are probably the *least* sympathetic people I know when sick outside of work!! LOL! For good reason, right? I do massage therapy and people telling me their neck hurts as soon as I mention that makes me roll my eyes. So no, asserting that it might be a drag when people spill "deep emotional truths" out of work hours I did not mean even slightly as an insult. We all have limits and yours might be work and close family and friends.

See someone telling me that I wouldn't blink. I've had mates die from heroin over doses. Sucks, yeah. This is why I'm saying, depending on the person. Life is fucking hard. At least I've known it to be. Someone telling me that I highly doubt is looking for kisses and cuddles. At least I wouldn't see it that way and I don't react that way to things anyway. My emotional boundaries come from me. So I'm pretty comfy with "deep emotional truths" depending on the conversation the first time we are hanging out. My reaction would probably be "wow. Fuck. That's intense. How long were you together?"

But I totally get that for most people, that would not be a thing to say on a first date.

Like I said, I don't suit dating. This is probably why.


Edit to add: if the entire hang out consisted of this conversation, rather than a ten - 20 min chat in the four hours of hanging out, that's another issue. Also if they said it matter of factly that is different than weeping and grabbing my hand (*alarm bells*)
But that's the whole thing about hanging out with folk right? Personality matching. Hard thing. I am very open, in terms of who I am, what my history is, what I think (no, really?? Lol) and if I disagree. But emotionally I don't give out candy till way down the line.

I can see how some of things I consider "meh" might throw people. I know things others consider quite normal to be very distressing to me. So. Swings and round abouts, right?