do Butches /Daddys have the green light to be rude and /or bossy in public ?

[imperfect_cupcake]

I get told quite regularly that I'm bossy. But I'm a girly girl. So instead of assertive, I'm bossy.

Actually, when butches *do* tell me I'm bossy, they are usually flirting (which is rare. mostly they just don't speak to me, full stop. Or are excessively polite, which I have no idea how to play with). I usually follow it up with "Yup. I sure am." then they laugh and tell me they like bossy/feisty as when I go down, I will go down with some sweet fun to it. That's the kind of answer I like. It's a challenge. It turns into a "Oh yeah?" "Yeah!" "Well, c'mon then if you think you're so hard!" kind of playful argument.

Though one butch dom I dated told me she could not abide bossy girls or amazon types. I knew it was very short lived.

I have told my exwife on quite a few occasions to chill it. I called her my Dutch Doberman. But it's not because she was butch, it was because of her very assertive personality and she's dutch lol so she will point blank tell someone they are a cunt.

I rather liked that quality about her but I did have to drag her off by her ear at times.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I also think the way people act in personal relationships, and that private dynamic, is not necessarily the same as how one treats others in public. The OP seemed the be addressing an incident where their babygirl pointed out to them that they were bossy and rude to someone in the drive-through at a fast food restaurant.

I am a dominant personality type, and am mostly a Domme in the kinky sense in my relationships. And while I can be very bossy--it's in a way that is desired by both people. I can be a little bossy with friends, but not in a mean way. And I just have a "big" personality, for lack of a better word.

Outside of that--I am generally quite nice to folks working in places like fast food restaurants because I know it's a shitty job where they make next to no money and take a lot of crap from people. I will be assertive if I think someone is really unacceptably doing a bad job, but I'm pretty understanding. And I am kind of the most irritable person ever LOL. I guess it just varies.

Personal dynamics and relationships are different than how one treats others outside of that dynamic. It might seem to make sense that Butches who take a more dominant role in relationships would be more bossy towards everyone, but I am pretty sure it's not that simple.

I'm currently in a Daddy/girl relationship, which is REALLY unusual for me. But I am kind of the bossy little spoiled princess and he is the patient accommodating Daddy--so it works. I would be EXTREMELY surprised if he were ever to be bossy or rude towards anyone in public. I would be more likely to even though it's not my usual M.O.

I know this was originally posted in the Butch Zone so I am hoping the conversation doesn't feel hijacked...

[imperfect_cupcake]

Pardon, I was sort of attempting to say it's personality and culture rather than being butch, in my experience with partners. I know my north american self, even though I'm a canuck and can be overly polite in public in an american point of view, was seen as slightly obnoxious in southern England because I was straightforward in their opinion. which is rude.

I know many people in vancouver find americans treat service people rudely here, simply because of the difference in approach. You have to apologise first, smile, make a joke before you correct someone on making a mistake with an order. If you don't, it is considered rather rude to just straight forwardly point out the error. There is the joke of laughing and saying "well, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel" with a grin, when someone is being too direct without the polite buffering.

[Mel C.]

I think words like "rude" or "bossy" are vey subject to interpretation. I don't want to be rude, but I do want to stand up for myself if I think someone is out of line, doing a poor job, etc. if someone screws up my order, for example, I might politely let them know but if they have a bad attitude, the polite goes away. This is my nature regardless of my identity. I don't like to be pushed around or disrespected and I will respond. I agree with previous comments that labeling behavior is up to interpretation...one persons idea of assertive may be rude by someone else's standards. That being said, I think the dynamic between Daddy and girl is different than that between strangers so interpretation of behaviors may be different as well.

[Jar]

I don't think anyone has the right to be rude or bossy and I'm not sure what butch/daddy has to do with it. I try to always consider that maybe people are really busy, stressed, have personal problems going on and are doing their best to accommodate me. I give them the benefit of the doubt.

With that said.....I can definitely get aggressive if I'm obviously being ignored as a customer or if someone is telling me I'm wrong when I know I'm right (in retail)

And no, I've never been told that because I'm not usually rude

I really don't get the butch/daddy connection. To me it's a matter of just everyday people

[nycfem]

My mom, who is always a good tipper anyway, tends to tip higher if someone is great OR if someone is rude or doesn't provide good service. She says, "They must be having a bad day or hard time in life." Kind of funny.

[Jess]

I don't think that being Butch or Daddy gives anyone a free pass to being rude.
I don't think it is "natural" either, so no excuses there.

I do think that the subject of "what rude is" versus "what assertive/direct is" is something that could be an interesting spin off conversation. I think gender presentation is an interesting piece of that conversation.

Living now in an even more context rich culture, I was recently dismissed from a job after being accused of questioning the authority of my (female) supervisor. The only thing I did was point out to her a couple of mistakes she made in the schedule. I assumed it was a simple over-sight and just said very matter of factly that she may want to take a look at it as it needed correcting.

Apparently here, you do not directly speak to people regarding their errors. I have no clue, honestly, how to do that in another way. I didn't say it in a rude way or make fun of her or even mention it in front of co-workers, so I truly have no clue here how to communicate a simple direct message. (Segue used just for illustration, not derail or discussion.)

At any rate, I think sometimes people need clarity on what someone else perceives as "rude or bossy" as sometimes two people engaged in an interaction may have very different cultural takes on it. Being directly aggressive seems pretty universal to me as it is usually attached to body language which are good "tells" in a situation. "Rude or bossy" can be more subtle as the words themselves are subjective.

Free pass/ natural? No.

Interesting conversation? Yes.