Lesbian bed death?

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by oboejive

The relationship I am in (which I have been for more than 5 years) is lacking in sex although not intimacy. We are still really close, but my partner admits that she might have a sexual problem because she doesn't have any sexual desire. This upsets me, because I tend to internalize and am also still very sexually attuned. I'm not sure how to help it. We've tried talking about it and making a schedule for it, but it never happens. For those who have had issues with this, what have you tried that has helped?

Maybe thinking back to when your partner was sexual might help. What did she like? What turned her on? I don't know that planning sex is the best way to go as it seems like it becomes more of a chore at that point?? Maybe not but that's the way I might see it. Wear some sexy lingerie for her without telling her what you are doing. Play strip poker. See if she will let you give her a massage, relaxing her first and then maybe doing some things that she might consider sexy. Good luck to you and yours!

[SunnySonja]

What SleepyButch said really resonates with me. Sexual intimacy ebbs and flows just like our daily routines and schedules. Sometimes, at least for me, it's a priority and other times it's the last thing on my mind. And then at other times I conversely long for physical touch or may be repulsed by it. I think that dynamic occurs for so many reasons; age, stress, physical limitations (whether actual or perceived), to name a few.

If you are invested for the long haul, then be patient and love her up when and if she is receptive to it. And have fun but don't over-think things too much.

My few pennies.

[RockOn]

I generally have a high sex drive when partnered. Lesbian bed death only happened once that I know of. After some years, I found her ways becoming unattractive. When that happened, I no longer wanted to be sexual with her. Felt so guilty and bad about these confusing feelings for someone I had cared for at one time. Tried to hide it, which was wrong, by making myself once in a while only for her ... but that became really icky for me.
Had to part. It is really the person for me ... the whole person and not just a sexy body. It is her mind, the way she thinks, my not being bored with her conversation because it is not superficial.

my ramblings ...

[firegal]

I was. My lat 3 yrs relationship so non reliojish.

We don't enjoy I wish yer well I jut want her and me frock in ok!Z

[firegal]

Originally Posted by firegal

I was. My lat 3 yrs relationship so non reliojish.

We don't enjoy I wish yer well I jut want her and me frock in ok!Z

Good GAWD! I need to wear my glasses and turn the lights on..... To avoid the above!

[Sweet Bliss]

Originally Posted by firegal

I was. My lat 3 yrs relationship so non reliojish.

We don't enjoy I wish yer well I jut want her and me frock in ok!Z

This speaks volumes.

Speaking for myself only, when the emotional connection is severed, there is NO physical connection either. I must have an emotional connect.

However I understand that for some folks it's a physical issue. Hormones out of balance, disease, or injury. Depression is a biggie.

That said... it's kinda up to the individuals to decide a course of action or inaction.

[firegal]

Originally Posted by firegal

I was. My lat 3 yrs relationship so non reliojish.

We don't enjoy I wish yer well I jut want her and me frock in ok!Z

....ok glasses on,good lighting The interpretation is as follows I was in one that had 3yr of death bed, not a loving relationship, I had to move on and I wish her well. We both deserve to be in compassionate loving relationships!

PS Clay is that better .....

[oboejive]

Me too! I've always had a high sex drive, and everything was super peachy at the beginning of the relationship until it went *poof* and disappeared. Then, I began to internalize and wonder if it was me or was it her (and around and around I went in my head...thinking too much). Now, the question is how to bring it back and to do it in such a way that it was like when we first met, but if it can't happen, I guess if it doesn't end up being both ways, I'll have to re-evaluate.

Originally Posted by RockOn

I generally have a high sex drive when partnered. Lesbian bed death only happened once that I know of. After some years, I found her ways becoming unattractive. When that happened, I no longer wanted to be sexual with her. Felt so guilty and bad about these confusing feelings for someone I had cared for at one time. Tried to hide it, which was wrong, by making myself once in a while only for her ... but that became really icky for me.
Had to part. It is really the person for me ... the whole person and not just a sexy body. It is her mind, the way she thinks, my not being bored with her conversation because it is not superficial.

my ramblings ...

[oboejive]

True I can see how different circumstances can really play into a lack of sexual intimacy in general. Hmm...don't think too much...that is something I have to learn to definitely do. I guess that would be my biggest downfall sometimes.

Originally Posted by SunnySonja

What SleepyButch said really resonates with me. Sexual intimacy ebbs and flows just like our daily routines and schedules. Sometimes, at least for me, it's a priority and other times it's the last thing on my mind. And then at other times I conversely long for physical touch or may be repulsed by it. I think that dynamic occurs for so many reasons; age, stress, physical limitations (whether actual or perceived), to name a few.

If you are invested for the long haul, then be patient and love her up when and if she is receptive to it. And have fun but don't over-think things too much.

My few pennies.