Bed Side Preference and Dominance

[Medusa]

Interesting that Sleepy talked about the protective position!
I sleep on whatever side is furthest away from the door for this reason I prefer to be as far away from the door as possible.

Currently I sleep on the right side of the bed (but only because it's not nearest the door). Whenever we go to a hotel where the door is reversed, I sleep on the left

[traumaqueen]

I like the furthest away from the door as well with my partner, which happens to be the right... but not so much for protection rather, the further you are from the door the less likely you have to let the dogs out in the middle of the night. At least that's how I justify things - things are working out!

[cinnamongrrl]

Im always closest to the door. Residual mom thing...

[grenade]

Either side for me. I've slept on both sides. I flop around all night, am up and down, talk in my sleep, do karate moves... I know I am hard to sleep with so I try to be considerate of my bedmate. I do prefer to be close to the door to get to my kids if needed.

Once my spot has been established, it is mine. I have issues with change.

[Ginger]

If my lover is right-handed, I sleep on her left. If she's left-handed, I sleep on her right.

[MasterfulButch]

Firstly, thanks to everyone who has posted in this thread. It’s really thought-provoking to read your answers and see the different things that are important to people.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Do you know a lot of Dom/Dommes/Tops/Dominants/Masters who prefer a the right side of the bed? I display myself via flagging when out and about sometimes to let people know the dynamic, and left is Dominant, how did the right side get picked as the dominant side? How was it assigned? I am asking because I have never deconstructed my bed before as far as how I identify or am.. So I have been thinking and thinking about it and had the questions above, I may have more because things like this make me think…

No, there’s nothing formal behind my initial theory. It’s purely based on my experiences and the responses of friends I’ve spoken about it with in the past. I had considered the possibility that a right-handed dominant may prefer the right side of the bed so their lead hand was unencumbered for activity to their left. When posting, I was particularly curious as to whether any left-handed dominants may step forward with a preference for the left side of the bed. I didn’t want to skew the results by postulating too much at the start but it’s interesting that more than one contributor has referenced this factor.

What these responses have shown me is that there are many more elements at play and whilst dominance may affect an outcome, there are other considerations which are likely to be of more conscious concern.

Personally, I’m hyper conscious of the space I take up, both in waking life and in bed. I currently sleep alone but have a super king size bed so there is plenty of space for when I do have company. When I’ve been with companions who have small beds I’ve found I tend to keep myself awake so I can consciously minimise my footprint. Once I’ve reached a point of drowsiness where I can’t be sure that I am, then I switch to the floor. At this point my partner will end up with her choice of side of the bed regardless of any dominance on my part.

I suppose it makes sense that the potential vulnerability inherent in sleep means that our environment has particular importance to us. I appreciate this opportunity to hear about what matters to others for future reference.

[diamondrose]

Iv always slept furthest from the door

[NitroChrys_Butch]

In bed, it would be the left side.

It is also closest to the door.

Our bed, with its massive wall unit surrounding the king-sized bed, is centered on the wall with about two feet on either side. The wall unit has built in compartments and night stand tops that drop down with built-in lights. It is very cool. With drawers on both sides under the mattress.

I have always slept closet to the door and I suppose it was a subconscious decision to protect whomever. Now I protect My wife. With My life. God help the stupid SOB that comes into our home.

The nice thing about this wall unit is is the secret compartment that houses two loaded guns. It is always locked but the key is within easy reach.

[ahk]

Interesting stuff-

For myself- I really don't give a crap what side I sleep on. For the past 6 years I've been on the left side of the bed- except for a small period when I had hand surgery on right side and I needed to trade. When I was all healed, back to the left I went.

I am nearest to the door, the bathroom, I'm left handed but dominant in my right, I tend to sleep on my stomach so neither side sleeper, but tend to face out to the left, not much a cuddler, unless we've had 2am sex or a weird dream. Our lil fuzzy butts sleep in their assigned areas of bed. Go figure.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?
Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

But in either case, it didn't matter what side of the bed any of us were on. We were all needed.

And it's just nothing I ever worry about. I asked my mates, out of curiosity, and their answer was no. Save two people we had some anxiety issues. But these are all people in vancouver, Calgary, toronto, london, oxoford, amsterdam, koln, and Christchurch.

Is this a states thing? Or?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?

Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

Priceless (and so spot on).

You know (N.) Americans, and the legacy of thought that we always need to be at the ready to defend ourselves (mostly seen in places where there is the least amount of crime). We all have our shotguns next to the door, too.


(IC, thanks for the bursting out laughter this morning. Your delivery was great.)

[randrum]

It's funny. I never thought about this until reading this thread. But I do have a side of the bed.

When sleeping with a partner, I've always slept nearest to the door. Just sort of naturally (unconsciously) gravitated there.

But currently only my dog shares my bed. And I have noticed (and commented to other people) that he always positions himself between me and the door. Guess he thinks it's his job to protect me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

I find it to be a one dimensional, binary, sexist, machismo kind of thing... I don't subscribe to things that put women, feminine, Femme in weak like spotlight.. When I go to sleep the last thing I do is make it about my natural Dominance, I just wanna go to sleep... Where I sleep isn't going to deter a person who is breaking and entering.. It's not the way I roll, so what others do isn't a priority until generalizing happens and when Dominance gets thrown around into very stereotyped generalizations..


As Dapper stated it could be as simple as being in defensive mode at all times, it's like being in the hood 24/7, even then I'm like how many of us do live that experience, cause in reality one's to busy surviving to worry about Dominant status, if the ghetto birds are flying over us after gun shots, Dominance isn't the main issue, making sure the house is on lock down is first thought..

Hope that makes sense

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Do people really have a lot of strangers coming into the house in the middle of the night?
Its just nothing I ever worry about. It's only happened twice in my life and both times it wasn't just one person subduing the guy, it was all of us. Save the one calling the police.

But in either case, it didn't matter what side of the bed any of us were on. We were all needed.

And it's just nothing I ever worry about. I asked my mates, out of curiosity, and their answer was no. Save two people we had some anxiety issues. But these are all people in vancouver, Calgary, toronto, london, oxoford, amsterdam, koln, and Christchurch.

Is this a states thing? Or?

[The_Lady_Snow]

I'm not sure how being a butch, Transguy or FTM fits this bed behavior.. I've not had someone tell me that because they are xyz I gotta sleep in the submissive side of the bed, I'd laugh and would have to remind whomever that I'm WAYYYYY stronger (cause I normally am) than anyone...

How did you come up with those statistics? I'm curious...

This whole bed thing is interesting, cause the bed is for sleeping, fucking and I've yet to equate it to my hood, safety, or Dominance..

Unless... Bullets are flying then furniture placement is important, but hell even then bullets pierce walls, ain't no Dominance in the world that's going to stop a bullet without someone getting hurt or killed..