Body Image Issues

[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by dixielady

Oh yeah...body image issues? I got a ton of 'em. I know they stem back to childhood, but I still can't shake them. My parents had a lovely fairytale marriage where Dad was king of the castle and Mom was his queen. She lavished in the attention and didn't plan on giving it up. Unfortunately for her, antibiotics counteracted the birth control pills and ta-da! Here I be. She made it clear she didn't want kids, and that I was an intrusion on her perfect little world. (And for the record, Dad wanted kids, Mom was vehemently against kids...) Being smacked around all the time by her was nothing compared to the emotional digs I suffered. From the time I was in 3rd grade until I was in my 20s, my mother's comments to me were always the same: "You're too fat", "You're too ugly", "You're too stupid". This obviously made me feel like shit as a kid. By the time I got to high school I had starved my normally-woulda-been-healthy-size 10/12-frame into sizes 3/5. I was also on the honor roll and was told I was a "natural beauty", so I beat her at those too. But you know how it goes...all that just made her taunts get more and more cruel. Luckily, after a lot of talking and therapy, Mom and I have a good relationship now (finally, since I'm almost 31) and she admitted she was wrong in her treatment of me while I was growing up and I try not to blame her for it. But still, she was my mother and I loved her, so I believed her for sooooo many years. Eventhough I forgive her and know now that she made a mistake, all that's kinda hard to unlearn, ya know?

This sounds all too familiar. The "song" sung to me by my Mom was similar and every verse began with "Nobody wants a fat _______." Trying to please her I nearly killed myself and developed Bulimarexia. When she died back in 2007 I was well over 300 lbs. By October 2008 I was 341.5. I decided to reclaim my life after seeing myself in a photo from Dad's wedding in August 2008. 130 down and a few more to go...

Now I've still got plenty of issues - most are now current rather than "back issues" and this will continue until my "subscription" expires. But I am learning how to deal with them instead of letting them control me. Not easy but I do feel much better and stronger.