Sonoma County CA Separates Elderly Gay Couple & Sells All Their Possessions

[Miss Scarlett]

If anyone believes the war for our equality is anywhere close to being over, this should prove otherwise. From Seattlepi.com:

Sonoma County CA separates elderly gay couple and sells all their possessions

Posted by Joe Mirabella at April 18, 2010 12:24 p.m.

There is nothing more personal than how we wish to spend our final years. After decades with our loved ones there should be no dispute that we should get to spend our final moments together. Unfortunately Sonoma County, CA treated Harold and Clay as if they were strangers.

Harold was 88 and Clay was 77 when their 20 year relationship was assaulted by Sonoma County. Harold's time here was coming to an end. He was ill and life was further complicated when he took a tumble down the stairs of their home. Harold was taken to the hospital.

Like most same sex couples who are committed to taking care of each other in sickness and in health, Harold and Clay set up legal documents prior to their personal crisis that were supposed to tell authorities to honor their relationship. Clay should have been able to visit Harold in the hospital and make decisions about his care. Instead, the county and health care professionals refused to let Clay even visit Harold in the hospital.

Tragic as that was, the county was not done with this family. More brutality than any government should inflict on a family -- they separated Clay and Harold by placing them in different nursing homes. Remember, Clay was in good health. He was involuntarily committed.

Kate Kendell, the National Director for the National Center for Lesbian Rights, a national legal organization committed to advancing the legal and human rights of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people wrote for the Bilerico Project:

Ignoring Clay's significant role in Harold's life, the county continued to treat Harold like he had no family and went to court seeking the power to make financial decisions on his behalf. Outrageously, the county represented to the judge that Clay was merely Harold's "roommate." The court denied their efforts, but did grant the county limited access to one of Harold's bank accounts to pay for his care.

What happened next is even more chilling.

Without authority, without determining the value of Clay and Harold's possessions accumulated over the course of their 20 years together or making any effort to determine which items belonged to whom, the county took everything Harold and Clay owned and auctioned off all of their belongings. Adding further insult to grave injury, the county removed Clay from his home and confined him to a nursing home against his will. The county workers then terminated Clay and Harold's lease and surrendered the home they had shared for many years to the landlord.

Three months after he was hospitalized, Harold died in the nursing home. Because of the county's actions, Clay missed the final months he should have had with his partner of 20 years. Compounding this tragedy, Clay has literally nothing left of the home he had shared with Harold or the life he was living up until the day that Harold fell, because he has been unable to recover any of his property. The only memento Clay has is a photo album that Harold painstakingly put together for Clay during the last three months of his life.

Clay was eventually released from the nursing home following a lawsuit. A further lawsuit is pending against Sonoma County, the auction company, and the nursing home. A trial date is set for July 16, 2010.

As important as this lawsuit is, there is nothing any government, court, or lawyer can do return the dignity and respect Harold and Clay were deprived. No authority will be able to return the last few months of Harold's life, or the chance for Clay and Harold to embrace each other one last time.

We need full legal recognition for same sex couples -- in name and law -- in every state in this country. We need it now.

For more information about this case visit NCLR's Elder Law Project.

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/s...ves/202464.asp

[Apocalipstic]

So none of the paperwork we have will work I guess. Wills, powers of attourney, hippa forms, all for nothing.

This is so very sad and telling.

If California acts like this, then those of us in way more conservative states are screwed for sure.

[christie]

And yet, we are supposed to be all happy that the current administration is making a rule that we can visit one another in the hospital.

While that is important,it feels, to me, like its really just "throwing us a bone" so that the bigger issue of equality isn't dealt with...

[Julien]

This is such an outrageous situation. Reading it made me sad for the couple and angry at the Sonoma County people who ruined two lives. Everything Sonoma County did was way out of line. Where is the compassion?

[Soon]

I can't stop thinking about this story...been sad all morning.

I keep thinking it's unreal...how could this happen?

ugh. so pissed about it.
heartbreaking.

[Rufusboi]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

So none of the paperwork we have will work I guess. Wills, powers of attourney, hippa forms, all for nothing.

This is so very sad and telling.

If California acts like this, then those of us in way more conservative states are screwed for sure.

Very Very scary. Melissa is a Brit citizen and we often joke about moving there later in life - national health and civil partnerships. Maybe we shouldn't joke. Maybe this is actually a viable alternative for us. We have all those docs too but what's the point if the county can come in and take over and take everything.

[suebee]

My partner's response when I read this to her was "I wonder if Clay will get a call from President Obama?"

[Andrew, Jr.]

Humans acting like donkeys.

[Deborah]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Humans acting like donkeys.

What an insult to donkeys...

[PearlsNLace]

A friend shared this link with me, and it helped with my frustrated feeling that there was nothing I could do about this situation.

Well, actually, there is a little something here we can do. This is what I have done, and you can do it to:

http://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/...paign_KEY=2441


Just thought Id share.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by PearlsNLace

A friend shared this link with me, and it helped with my frustrated feeling that there was nothing I could do about this situation.

Well, actually, there is a little something here we can do. This is what I have done, and you can do it to:

http://org2.democracyinaction.org/o/...paign_KEY=2441


Just thought Id share.

signed and shared, thank you.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by June

I read the articles this morning and wondered what "The rest of the story" was.

If someone has medical power of attorney and presents it, it must be honored, regardless of the relationship. I mean, you could have anyone have your power of attorneys, even if they're not blood/legal family.

Why was the other partner put into a nursing home? Why were the belongings sold? Was the other partner suffering from dementia or otherwise infirm at the time? Was the paperwork submitted at the time, or discovered later after all this stuff had happened, which doesn't excuse it, but might explain it better.

There are a lot of holes in this story that need to be filled in as far as timelines before I am satisfied that this was an actual deliberate act of homophobia and not just some kind of paperwork snafu with disastrous results.

I don't like being used by either side of the media, and frankly, this feels a bit skewed to me.

It did however remind me of the 1st If Walls Could Talk (someone else go find the video, I'm too lazy) where the female couple had been together for 30 years and when one of them died, the other lost everything even though she had paid the mortgage too. I remember crying hard and long as I watched that.

AND ALSO! Don't use this story as a reason NOT to get protected in your partnership in anyway you can because you think "it doesn't matter". It does.

Tenants in common if you own a house
Legal AND Medical POA's
Wills
Right of Remains
Living Wills - Who gets to pull the plug

There's some other stuff, someone else can fill in. It seems like I have about 7 different documents with my partner outlining what will happen and who's in charge.

I did wonder about that. Will we ever know everything that happened?

We have a bunch of expensive documents too, and have never had any problems here in TN. I wonder if there was family involved?

It makes me pretty nervous.

[Jess]

Originally Posted by June

I read the articles this morning and wondered what "The rest of the story" was.

If someone has medical power of attorney and presents it, it must be honored, regardless of the relationship. I mean, you could have anyone have your power of attorneys, even if they're not blood/legal family.

Why was the other partner put into a nursing home? Why were the belongings sold? Was the other partner suffering from dementia or otherwise infirm at the time? Was the paperwork submitted at the time, or discovered later after all this stuff had happened, which doesn't excuse it, but might explain it better.

There are a lot of holes in this story that need to be filled in as far as timelines before I am satisfied that this was an actual deliberate act of homophobia and not just some kind of paperwork snafu with disastrous results.

I don't like being used by either side of the media, and frankly, this feels a bit skewed to me.

It did however remind me of the 1st If Walls Could Talk (someone else go find the video, I'm too lazy) where the female couple had been together for 30 years and when one of them died, the other lost everything even though she had paid the mortgage too. I remember crying hard and long as I watched that.

AND ALSO! Don't use this story as a reason NOT to get protected in your partnership in anyway you can because you think "it doesn't matter". It does.

Tenants in common if you own a house
Legal AND Medical POA's
Wills
Right of Remains
Living Wills - Who gets to pull the plug

There's some other stuff, someone else can fill in. It seems like I have about 7 different documents with my partner outlining what will happen and who's in charge.

Agree! All we can do at the moment is to keep protecting ourselves as best as we can.

This may be helpful...

http://gbge.aclu.org/relationships

[Apocalipstic]

Does anyone know of a way to find out if the media ommited details?

[suebee]

There was a comment by someone who said she had searched Sonoma County records for a year and found no documentation to support the story. Also there is a disclaimer on the page saying that the stories were not pre-screened and that solely the authors were responsible for the content.

I don't know if I hope the story is true so a falsehood can't be used against us or that it's not true and nobody had to suffer the indignities that were outlined.

[Jess]

I am inclined to believe the story in its accuracy. I doubt the NCLR and other attys involved in the upcoming ( ongoing) case would be tossing their names out there if it wasn't a valid case.

More info from NCLR on Elder Rights. This case has brought these issues into light and with a sense of urgency.

http://www.nclrights.org/site/PageSe...issue_elderLaw

It also brings closer to heart the real issues of equality for all of our citizens. From Equality Matters... the 1138 reasons equality matters.

http://www.equalitymatters.org/equal...c/full_reasons

[PearlsNLace]

It has a docket number. There are multiple websites discussing the case with different tidbits of information.

[Kobi]

As presented, I have a hard time believing the story contains all the facts. Properly executed paperwork is rarely ignored. ple can not be "forced into nursing homes against their will".

Will be interesting to see the entire story.

[Corkey]

Um, sorry people can be forced into nursing homes, and are every day. People who have dementia, Alzheimer's and other mental and physical disorders. The person we bought our home from was forced to put her mother in a home, her mother was forced by the courts to go. Yes, it happens every single day.
The story may not have all the facts, it doesn't have to, it is a story. There is however a court date, an attorney, and an organization that do exist.

[Kobi]

Corky,

I have worked in health care for 30 years. People can not be "involuntarily committed" to a nursing home. Involuntary committment is a legal, mental health thing not a medical thing.

People can be coerced, prodded, persuaded etc. and this is usually because it is for their own well being i.e. not safe for them to be at home or alone or having an inadequate caretaker.

People who are unable to make these decisions for themselves require quardians and/or conservators, both court appointed and court accountable proceedings.

There is something big missing from this story or it deliberately used inflammatory language to piss people off.

Have done this work forever. You can NOT commit someone to a nursing home.