Open Letter: Dear Femme

Bit · 12-12-2009, 12:45 PM

Yikes! *hands the TX Self a bottle of Fray-Chek*

If I have played a part in the frazzled fraying, I'm sorry. I'm pretty analytical with things which fascinate me, and I can separate out intellectually those things which are not separate in life.... I can say here in this thread that for me "Queer is about sex and Femme is about gender," and I can talk about them as if they were separate things; but having lived without enough Butch energy in my life for many years, I know that I am different as a Femme depending on whether there are Butches around or not, and different yet again if there is sex in my life or not.... so even though I can talk as if they were separate, I can't compartmentalize them (sexuality and gender) quite so easily in life.

Nor do I want to. Part of the sexual thrill for me is being a Femme to a Butch. I like that. I like playing with that image and those roles.

Those images that haunt Ms. Cyn, especially the Donna Reed image, they haunt me too. I can never be Donna Reed, because yanno she was perfect, elegant, glamorous, never made a mistake, never put a foot wrong. Hell, I'm never in my life going to be glamorous or elegant or any of the rest of it.

I think what strikes me is that these images of femininity (Donna Reed, suzi homemaker, dress-up doll, sweet submissive) are tied to housework and obedience-to-the-men-who-own-one. Honestly, it makes me think of a slave--not in the BDSM sense, but in the real-life outrage-against-humanity forced sense.

If the epitome of all that is feminine is household slavery, how could ANYONE who is mentally healthy ever be "feminine enough" or "Femme enough"??

I had to find a different way to look at femininity and Femmeness. That's why I like the energy analogy. It isn't what I do or what particular personality I have or even whether or not someone masculine might "own" me--it's what kind of energy flows through me. I recognize that energy as Femme because I see it mirrored back to me again and again from the other Femmes in our community.

The amount and kind of Femme energy that flows through me might not be what appeals to every Butch, but it is "enough." I am Femme enough to suit myself... and really, who else has the right to judge?

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12-12-2009, 12:45 PM	#11
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778870	Yikes! hands the TX Self a bottle of Fray-Chek If I have played a part in the frazzled fraying, I'm sorry. I'm pretty analytical with things which fascinate me, and I can separate out intellectually those things which are not separate in life.... I can say here in this thread that for me "Queer is about sex and Femme is about gender," and I can talk about them as if they were separate things; but having lived without enough Butch energy in my life for many years, I know that I am different as a Femme depending on whether there are Butches around or not, and different yet again if there is sex in my life or not.... so even though I can talk as if they were separate, I can't compartmentalize them (sexuality and gender) quite so easily in life. Nor do I want to. Part of the sexual thrill for me is being a Femme to a Butch. I like that. I like playing with that image and those roles. Those images that haunt Ms. Cyn, especially the Donna Reed image, they haunt me too. I can never be Donna Reed, because yanno she was perfect, elegant, glamorous, never made a mistake, never put a foot wrong. Hell, I'm never in my life going to be glamorous or elegant or any of the rest of it. I think what strikes me is that these images of femininity (Donna Reed, suzi homemaker, dress-up doll, sweet submissive) are tied to housework and obedience-to-the-men-who-own-one. Honestly, it makes me think of a slave--not in the BDSM sense, but in the real-life outrage-against-humanity forced sense. If the epitome of all that is feminine is household slavery, how could ANYONE who is mentally healthy ever be "feminine enough" or "Femme enough"?? I had to find a different way to look at femininity and Femmeness. That's why I like the energy analogy. It isn't what I do or what particular personality I have or even whether or not someone masculine might "own" me--it's what kind of energy flows through me. I recognize that energy as Femme because I see it mirrored back to me again and again from the other Femmes in our community. The amount and kind of Femme energy that flows through me might not be what appeals to every Butch, but it is "enough." I am Femme enough to suit myself... and really, who else has the right to judge?